50 replies to this topic

[LlamaSprinter]

I want you guys to post some really funny assinations that you, your friend or anybody you know has done. Also the outcome of it and who it was, pictures of the dead bodies are accepted as well.

Warning: Two long assasinations below, read at your own safety



Heres mine
I was snooping about and went into a random house. I stole a load of stuff and found the bedroom. In the bed was a nord and an elf, i snuck up behind the nord, got out my bow and shot him in the neck. He went flying off the bed and hit the elf. They both went tumbling off, then the elf stood up and before she could move i shot here up the backside and she died.

Another was when i was raiding a chapel. I went into the hall and there were two people, one was praying and the other sitting down. I shot the person sitting down and she fell off the chair/bench and died. Then as the praying person was about to run off i shot him in the back and he fell into the door and of course died. I went down the stairs to find 2 more people talking one went off and the other got a nasty suprise, an arrow through her head. I went into the hall with all the food in and shot the other person who was eating, they went sliding down the table knocking all the food off. Then as i was about to leave a guard and an elf came in. I jumped over the table constanly shooting the guard until he was finally dead. Finally i shot the elf in the back and she went flying into the wall, bounced off, hit a pillar, hit the wall again and fell into the pillar. I left the chapel with no bounty onn my head and no survivors to tell the tale.

[LlamaSprinter]

Anybody got any kills?

[Malchik]

Please don't bump your thread LS, it is against the rules. Perhaps no one has any interesting shots of dead npcs they want to share. But if they have they will get round to posting them in time.

[Apollocharn0113]

This isn't so much a funny assisnation as a funny result thereof. While crashing a certain party, I killed a man sitting in a chair. Clumsy me, when I attempted to pick the poor boy's pockets, I activated the chair instead and sat, well... I'm not entirely sure if I sat on his lap, or in it. A glitch, to be sure, but a funny one at that. Or perhaps my dear Link has more in common with Miss Hlaalu of Skingrad than either she or I would care to admit

[Talin7000]

I was once just outsie the imperial city with a new thief character who had never EVER EVER EVER killed anyone or comminted any crime for that matter... when i randomly released an arrow over the IC wall which located it self in a NPC causing several other NPC's to fly into the air above the IC never to return down..... it was really wierd and about 2 seconds later i had 4 gaurds on me and i wass running for my life. I couldnt be botherd looking into people flying so i started again and now my NORD (pure meellee blade not blunt) has NO ONE flying(except birds ECT) and apart from the od bit of terrain...NO GLITCHES YAY

[mikelindholm]

This is the first murder my assasin charather did. Some guard caught me stealing in ales well i refuse arrest and run. I run to the west in 5 min then i lost the guard . And then it hapend a upper class femail high elf walk on the rode . Tra lalala tra lalala tra lalala . I hate the upper class i pick up my bow and shooted a arrow. She survied and run to the city west about imperial city stables.She was screaming on help I shooted once more. She got the arrow in her back face.. Her body fell down to the city with me hunting the body for the loot. The guard went mad and started hunting me. I run into the woods and lived on hunting in 1 year.

[Wulkov]

:ph34r: My funiest assasination was on the mission to the brotherhood.. i came in one haus like a guest,but to assasinate all guest.there was 5 of them,and i came the last..door was closed from outside and to all guests was sayd that they have to find some treasure in this house..so i went upstairs and killed one man sleeping..i came back to all four left and talk with evryone,they all have finking that someone is killing them,so to be clean i bribe them all,to 100 liking :)and then killed one more man,the nord,always drinking beer..then all of them finked that someone from them is killing but I AM THE someone to trust :)so then i killed the third i said to one man what it did one woman left with us,he sayd we must kill her first ad rn upstairs to take weapon,then i ran as fast as i can to the woman and said the same about the men,she ran take a knife...and at last, i stayed in the middle of them and i SEE how they killed each aver,it was so funny that i can't stop laughing for one min..

[dreth]

My funniest assassination was in the crappy bar at bruma. I hit Gromm in the back of the head with a daedric arrow and he died. But then everyone in the bar ran over to his body and did the whole rest in peace crap when they find a body. After that they all started fighting each other. I just went over to a chair sat down and watched the fight for a bit. One target 9 dead total !!

[Rhydderch Hael]

Not quite an assassination 'mission' per se, but this does involve the Dark Brotherhood in a roundabout way. I just played "Caught in the Hunt" with my dedicated Imperial assassin who masquerades as the Lieutenant of the Cheydinhal Guard when she's traveling. Casandra Serein visits the other cities under the false pretense of searching for flight warrants or escaped prisoners, and in Bravil she confronted the Orc loan shark on the matter of Aleron Loche.

Since the good Lieutenant was out of her jurisdiction and the loan shark wasn't actually charged with any crime by Bravil County, the best Lt. Cassie could do was agree to a little quest to retrieve a lost axe on Fort Grief island...

...bet that Orc thought himself clever by getting this high-falootin' Imperial guardswoman out of the way where no one will ever find her. And for her part, Cassie played out the role of a panicking and helpless victim of the Hunter's Run perfectly—

That is, until she got inside, went into Sneak mode, and pulled open the Cheydinhal armor to reveal her real uniform— the Shrouded Armor of the Dark Brotherhood. Sort of like an evil Superman, minus the nancy red cape.

What the hunters thought they were getting was a nameplate-polishing Imperial desk jockey who was too afraid her uniform wouldn't pass inspection if she got it the slightest bit dirty.

What they really got was a heartless assassin with no qualms about hanging their carcasses with a noose made of their own entrails. What I would give to see their faces when they found out the truth. Of course, I never actually got to see any sort of a reaction since Cassie was content to sit in the shadows and feed them a few glass arrows until they stopped twitching.

The Hunters' Run is supposed to be challenging. Lock an experienced murderer inside a dark, dank dungeon with a trio of tourists who have no clue that they're facing an experienced murderer— this is not a desperate fight to escape. This is target practice :ph34r: But it was fun. Very, very fun.

This is the sort of mission Cassie would do for free. Wait. She did do it for free...

[Rhydderch Hael]

Cassie got the dead drop order to kill J'ghasta in Bruma ("Gee, this order is written on a plain piece of parchment instead of a sealed packet. Lucien must be getting sloppy") and like a good little Silencer, she snuck into the guy's gym— readied for the attack.

Cassie could hear her victim turning the pages of a book. He was sitting on the bench, reading Alessia Ottus' "Guide to Bruma" as it turns out. Peeking around the corner of the doorway, Cassie drew and loosed a shot at his arm.

The first shot knocked him off the bench. Cassie drew her second arrow, moved out of Sneak mode for maximum damage effect, and charged the prone figure. Her second shot went in, and Cassie braced herself for the ensuing fight...

...her mark subsequently pulled himself off of the ground, then sat back down on the bench. Mind you, Cassie is standing right in front of him with a nocked bow and he's just taken two hits. He thought this was the perfect time to finish his book. The third shot finally convinced the Khajiit to get into the action.

But gee golly, mister— talk about apathy. Almost ranks up there with shooting a sleeping bandit who gets up and them promptly decides to go back to sleep (all while under fire).