Marxist ßastard Posted September 30, 2003 Share Posted September 30, 2003 Well, there's nobody on the forums... It isn't exactly the peak usage time, but there have only been about seven posts in the last ten hours... the depressing part is that five of those posts were from yours truly. So then it's 4 AM and I try to get new posts for the twentieth time, thinking that, though the board was empty five minutes ago, there would surely be an influx of new posts. However, for the nineteenth time, I was slapped with an error message... Suddenly, I start to think. Although the massive headaches that this creates required me to get enough medication to kill a small horse, I had an epiphany. This, too, gave me quite a headache, but I realized that the error messages this forum gives are far too user-friendly. Therefore, I am proposing some changes. Background The background for an error page should be horrific, something that will inspire the enemy to never make a mistake again. Just as a dog on a choke chain learns its lessons, so will the enemy when faced with our new color scheme. I suggest that you ask the folks over at Forsaken Realms for help here. Window Title -- "Board Message" I propose that the window title for the error pages display as "Board Insult," for that is what they should be, especially with the changes that I am proposing. "Board Message" text under the link to the forum root I propose that this should also be changed to "Board Insult." It will be yet another tool with which we can inspire fear in the enemy and turn the milk of his cows sour. "Sorry, an error occurred." Why are you sorry, comrade? If anybody should be sorry, it is the enemy! By executing that useless search, he has wasted his time, he has wasted your bandwidth, and he has slowed down the process for everybody else trying to access a page on the server. Within these pages, comrade, is information that could save lives! A boy in Southern Maine has died because of my wreckless searches! "If you are unsure on how to use a feature, or don't know why you got this error message, try looking through the help files for more information." The enemy knows that he has made a mistake, and will stop at nothing to repeat said mistake until your crops are destroyed in a sea of flames and your server lay in ruin! I suggest that this line be modified to say simply one word... "male without a father!" "Sorry, but we did not find any matches to display." Get ahold of yourself, man! You are not sorry! Emotion is weakness! Also, who is we? If, by "we," you mean "they," you should change it to reflect your intention. Indeed, then enemy will keep one eye turned to his back to watch for big brother, which he now thinks is conducting all his searches! *Marxist ßastard's left hand goes up in a Nazi salute. He tries to lower it with his right arm, but he seems to have trouble controlling it. Suddenly, his left arm rushes towards his throat, attempting to choke him. After a long struggle, he cracks his neck and continues...* "Try again and broaden your search criteria." As we have discussed, comrade, this is the last thing you and the citizens of Maine will want. The "Useful Links" section This should be changed to "Links of Destruction and Sorrow." It is self-explanatory. "[ Script Execution time: 0.6029 ] [ 10 queries used ] [ GZIP Enabled ]" You should replace this with some Stalinist quotes, such as "The death of a million is a statistic," "Socialism cannot succeed with the backing of one state," and "The XBox is the first in a series of killing blows that will destroy the PC gaming industry." Have them loop, so that the enemy will be confused and disoriented, looking to see if a fourth quote has appeared behind his back to frighten him and line his bread with mold. It will also spread our propaganda to the enemy and allow the recruitment of double agents such as Luxar. Burn this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Switch Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Er... yeah... right... :blink: The reason the board's have been a bit dead recently is due to some problems Dark0ne has been having with it. According to Theta he's been trying to move it to a faster server and ran into some problems or something, all I know is I've been kept off here for the last 5 days by error messages, and so have Stampede, HeLLL, and a number of other people it seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peregrine Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Comrade Marxist ßastard, I agree with your ideas completely. Our vigiliace in defense of the People must not overlook even the smallest traces of elitist corruption. It would be sad to see this forum dead for its treason against the People. Comrade Dark0ne, I insist that you make these changes so that we may spread our glorious revolution more efficiently! -Citizen Admiral Parke, Commander of the People's Navy edit: Comrade Dark0ne, arrest this traitor Switch. Such disbelief in our most sacred goals can not be tolerated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thanateros Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 no kidding? I figured that for as long as it has been down it must have been a server move, but I'm really interested in the problems he ran into. so Dark, what took the forums so long? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThetaOrionis01 Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Comrades, your plans must surely fail unless they adhere strictly to the five-year-plan for the improvement of the people's potato harvest. Furthermore, I propose that the people's defenders of the forum should remain vigilant and search out those vile traitors who waste the resources of the forum of the people. However, is it really wise to warn the enemies of the forum of the people that they are under surveillance? Is it not indeed preferable, Comrades, to lull them with honeyed words and enemy propaganda - then pounce and denounce them as enemies of the forum of the people when they least expect it? :lol: In other words - yes, the error messages are a bit annoying. 'If you are unsure how to use a certain feature blah blah help file'.... <_< Hmm. 'There are no topics newer than this one - so go and post!' :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark0ne Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 The forums go down for 5 days and wide spread hysteria occurs. Maybe I should just hide :ph34r: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThetaOrionis01 Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Mwahahahaa - you can run - BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!!!! :lol: But you brought the site back to life and managed to ward off a hostile takeover by 14th delta force....so you should award yourself a forum medal! :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wesaynothin Posted October 2, 2003 Share Posted October 2, 2003 Uh.... what? O.k..., I'll follow communism if that is what you guys are hinting at.... um..... yeah... nice work on the forums? :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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