Journey to the centre of the Omniverse, and then take a left!

[MajikMoshos]

-------Announcement here, but take a read first if you want. Warning: May not make sense-------

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

He screamed, falling as if for eons down the chasm he was thrown.

"-OOOOOOO!"

He still screamed, wondering how in the name of the Omniverse he could be so stupid as to -

SPLAT

 

Oh dear.

 

*Four Minutes Earlier...*

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

Oh right, this was a pretty deep hole.

 

*Fourteen Minutes Earlier*

 

The SwiftCar zoomed over the Red Row Desert, rocky outcroppings abounding, formations unlike anything an earthbound humanoid could ever dream about, some reaching for miles into the sky. Pretty tripping, really.

 

"So who's this freak anyway?"

"Subject 14755, we just call him Sourpuss"

"Sourpuss??"

"Yeah. It's been so long that even he thinks that's his real name."

"Cheese and Crackers, what have they done to him?!"

"Only the most f***ed up things, hombre"

 

The Swift parks outside what looks like an abandoned car dealership, hunks of rust laying eternally by the side...alongside a single newfangled FlightTruck.

 

Out of the swift step Heckle and Spyder, two low-ranking scumbuckets working for the Drainer Mob.

 

"Alright Spyder, get that s*** out of the truck."

Heckle keeps a firm glare on the building's glass doors, covered in red dust and scratches.

"So who's our lucky customer?! Come out and see the merch, f***wad!"

 

A massive creak rings out, spooking Heckle out as the doors come open, dust spewing down.

"You're a little late yourself, goon." Says a small but sinister voice from the shadows.

 

Heckle puts up a false bravado - he ain't letting some nobody scare a Drainer, hells no!

But his mood changes as a pair of muscular androids with a taste for fine suits step out. These are the Gentledroids, techno-bodyguards for the highest paying customer. From the shadows behind them steps a meagre looking man with a pointy moustache.

"Now where's my purchase?"

"I...I didn't mean any offence mister Green, I...I..."

Heckle darts his attention around to the car

"Yo Spyder, what's takin' ya??"

"You had no idea it was me did you? My brother really doesn't pick em well? Typical, since he was a d***head."

"Was...?"

 

"C'mon Sourpuss, up we get!"

Spyder pulls Sourpuss out, high-tech shackles tight around his wrists and a low-tech sack over his face. Heckle smirks, turning his attention to Mr Green...who's eyes widen with suspiscion and maybe a little fear too -

"Wh...why is he shackled?" Green starts to gets nervous, motioning to the Gentledroid on his left.

Spyder can't help but chuckle -

"So he doesn't try anything funny, stupid!" Poor Spyder never met Mr Green before, still laughing at the small man as he brings Sourpuss before him. Heckle desperately motions a 'cut it the f*** out!' gesture. Yes, the drainer mob aren't the brightest bulbs in the omniverse now, aren't they?

 

"You fools have no idea what he's capable of."

Sourpuss chuckles underneath the sack.

"No Mr Green, they don't"

 

The shackles drop. With a clang.

In a flash, the gentledroids open fire - their micro-bolts passing through Sourpuss like jello...literally, like jello. Sourpuss flicks both arms like they're floppy noodles, knocking out Heckle and Spyder at the same time. Round after round pounds into his strange flesh. Mr Green can't help but fall on his ass in fear.

"Stupid machines! Stop with the f***ing bolts, they do nothing!"

And sure enough, they follow their masters command, standing idly before Sourpuss.

"Oh for f*#@s sake..."

Sourpuss rips off the tattered remains of his sack-mask. He grins madly at Mr Green.

"Maybe these droids need a defrag."

"N-no you-" Green has a sudden flash of an idea.

"Melee combat! Tear him to bits!"

 

The gentledroids lunge for Sourpuss, one grabbing and ripping the humanoid's arm off with a clean strike - and sure enough, it's like dough.

The other gentledroid pounds away at Sourpuss's gut and face, leaving fresh imprints all over.

"Really Mr Green...really?"

The torn arm starts convulsing in the first Gentledroid's arm. Before it can react, the arm breaks down into a sludgey-gel-like form and throws itself at the droid, covering it in pinky gunk. The droid falls back, flailing as it's crushed by the pressure.

"LOW POWER" whirs the other droid, tired out from beating Sourpuss into a near-pulp. Mr Green jitters, edging ever so cautiously up to the pile of goop. The lower half of Sourpuss still mostly intact.

 

"Alright, just need to get out of here before that slimeball...hehe...reforms!"

Green doesn't notice the severed arm creeping for him from behind. A near concious Heckle does, pulling out his pistol and firing repeatedly at the arm -

It lunges for Green just as he turns around, with a clenched fist it punches him right out.

"RESERVE MODE" the drained droid quickly sparks back to life, turning its focus to the arm - it quickly stomps on it, turning it to a puddle once again.

"TARGET WEAKNESS - Excessive force shocks form. Containment, high heat or freezing necessary." A little tube pops out on the droid's arm.

"Switching to nitro-thrower..."

 

"Nope!" says a voice behind the droid. Green can't help but be bewildered and outright freaked out at the...naked mini-Sourpuss standing behind the droid.

"All you robos need is a right kick in the stabiliser!" Yelps mini-sourpuss as he jumps on the droid's back. It starts spraying liquid nitrogen everywhere - covering Heckle and freezing him solid.

 

"Feisty little mech aren't ya?" Mini-Sourpuss starts beating on the mechs head, over and over -

"Good job lil guy, now rip out that nitro-gun!" The real sourpuss has barely put himself back together, at this point just an eye and a mouth in the pink gunky puddle. Mini-sourpuss heeds his order, grabbing the droid's arm, and pushing some of itself into liquid form inside the arm. Getting a good grip, it rips the nitrogun right out the socket, throwing it to the side.

 

But the Gentledroid's not entirely stupid. It grabs Mini Sourpuss by the soft neck and throws him right into the puddle!

Big mistake.

"No! Dammit! You stupid machine, STOP!"

And of course the Gentledroid stops moving, looking on blankly as Mr Green facepalms.

The mini-Sourpuss can't help but laugh like mad as it revels in the gunk of itself, letting it all attach to his skin and quickly absorb him, taking the form of a regular sized sourpuss in a matter of seconds. Still Naked, though.

 

"Alright you bolt-fastener, time to put you in your -"

"Xan!"

That innocent feminine voice stops him in his tracks. Sourpuss slowly turns his attention back to the old dealership. A woman stands in the doorway, backed by another four Gentledroids.

"We just wanted you back home, Xan..."

Sourpuss is speechless. No one's called him that in a long time. No one alive, anyway...

"And then you went too far..."

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" He storms up to her, even as a gentledroid cocks its gun and fires through him. It doesn't kill him, but it sure as hell hurts. That tends to happen when someone blasts a big hole in you...

 

Sourpuss blacks out. That wasn't a normal round...

Vala...what the f*** are you doing here

Thoughts rush through him. Memories return - of the days when he had a name. Happiness, fields of blue grass stretching across lands like seas, Vala...and then the ships, the Cyber-wizards and the golems and the tanks and the bloodshed. And then the experiments. The torture. The repeated showings of Who's the Boss?. Good god, that was horrible.

Now you're just a name on my list...

 

His eyes open.

Holy f***, I'm falling.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

SPLAT