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Captainscar

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    Jokes - Just Add Jokes

    in Off-Topic

    Posted

    01 Ways To Annoy People

    1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

     

    2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

     

    3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

     

    4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

     

    5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

     

    6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

     

    7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

     

    8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

     

    9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

     

    10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

     

    11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

     

    12. Sniffle incessantly.

     

    13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

     

    14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

     

    16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

     

    17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

     

    18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

     

    19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

     

    20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

     

    21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

     

    22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

     

    23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

     

    24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

     

    25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

     

    26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

     

    27. Wear a special hip holster for your

    remote control.

     

    28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

     

    29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

     

    30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

     

    31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

     

    32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

     

    33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

     

    34. Drum on every available surface.

     

    35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

     

    36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

     

    37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

     

    38. Sew anti-theft detector strips

    into peoples backpacks.

     

    39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

     

    40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

     

    41. Set alarms for random times.

     

    42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

     

    43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

     

    44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

     

    45. Honk and wave to strangers.

     

    46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

     

    47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

     

    48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

     

    49. Wear your pants backwards.

     

    50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

     

    51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

     

    52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

     

    53. only type in lowercase.

     

    54. dont use any punctuation either

     

    55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

     

    56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

     

    57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

     

    58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

     

    59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

     

    60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

     

    61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

     

    62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

     

    63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

     

    64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

     

    65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

     

    66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

     

    67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

     

    68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

     

    69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

     

    70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

     

    71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

     

    72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

     

    73. Drive half a block.

     

    74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

     

    75. Ask people what gender they are.

     

    76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

     

    77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

     

    78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

     

    79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

     

    80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

     

    81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

     

    82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

     

    83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

     

    84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

     

    85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

     

    86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

     

    87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

     

    88. Sing along at the opera.

     

    89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

     

    90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

     

    91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

     

    92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

     

    93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something

    about "psychological profiles."

     

    94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

     

    95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

     

    96. Never make eye contact.

     

    97. Never break eye contact.

     

    98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

     

    99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

     

    100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

     

    101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

     

    TeeHee

    What D&D character are you?

    in Off-Topic

    Posted

    You Are A:

     

     

    Lawful Good Human Paladin (1st Level)

     

     

     

    Ability Scores:

    Strength- 12

    Dexterity- 14

    Constitution- 12

    Intelligence- 14

    Wisdom- 13

    Charisma- 10

     

    Alignment:

    Lawful Good- A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

     

    Race:

    Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

     

    Class:

    Paladins- Paladins take their adventures seriously, and even a mundane mission is, in the heart of the paladin, a personal test an opportunity to demonstrate bravery, to learn tactics, and to find ways to do good. Divine power protects these warriors of virtue, warding off harm, protecting from disease, healing, and guarding against fear. The paladin can also direct this power to help others, healing wounds or curing diseases, and also use it to destroy evil. Experienced paladins can smite evil foes and turn away undead. A paladin's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast. Many of the paladin's special abilities also benefit from a high Charisma score.

     

    TeeHee When i Last Played NWN i WAS THIS eXACTLY

    The last poster wins

    in Forum Games

    Posted

    I Must WIN

    ██████████████▄▐█▄▄▄▄█▌

    ██████▌▄▌▄▐▐▌███▌▀▀██▀▀

    ████▄█▌▄▌▄▐▐▌▀███▄▄█▌

    ▄▄▄▄▄██████████████

    SPREAD THE FAIL WHALE!

     

    HAHA Watch Achmed The Dead Terrorist

    The Oblivion Char Who Could Who Could

    in Off-Topic

    Posted

    I Have an Idea for The Oblivion Character who Could.

     

    Tell Me Ideas and i will make the video.

     

    I Have 10 or so ideas already. Give Me more! :thumbsup: :wallbash:

     

    1. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Fight in The Arena

    2. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Fly!

    3. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Entertain the Public

    4. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Join the Dark Brotherhood

    5. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Do The Main Quest

    6. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Jump off Dive rock

    7. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Run in The Sun as a Vampire

    8. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Be a Sniper

    9.The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Use Combustive Convulsion

    10. The Oblivion Character who though they could.. Reflect Damage

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