InDarkestNight

Found a nether fortress, turned out it was on the opposite side of that lava lake. I struggled for over an hour to find a spawner. When I did find one, it was blocked by lava. I managed to get past it, but I couldn't block it with the stupid blazes spawning and attacking me. I managed to get 2 blaze rods, despite killing over a dozen blazes. Then I realized; my shield was broken, and I didn't have the means to craft another. With no way to defend myself, I ran. As soon as I got past the lava though, i ran into a wither skeleton of all things. Why do those things have such a high spawn rate? I couldn't enter a room because there was over a dozen of them in there. I ran from that, but ran into a dead end hall way, forcing me to run past it. In my struggles to run, it knocked me into the lava below. I lost everything. My diamond armor and weapon, my blaze rods, and all my diamonds which I was keeping on me so I could craft replacement tools. I now have nothing. I couldn't handle the damned fortress even with diamond gear. I have no way to get more. That playthrough is now dead. All that work, a bloody mansion I never finished, and for what? I regret buying this game now. i don't see how I could ever make money playing this. How can I when I can't handle the game? AND I AM BEYOND SICK OF BEING IGNORED ON HERE. NO CONSOLATION, NOTHING????????? THERE IS NO OTHER PLACE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET TO POST. IS THE INTERNET DEAD? IS THERE ANY POINT IN USING IT? This game is nothing but heartbreak for me. All those hours building and grinding, and for what? I have nothing now and no way to progress. I was wishing I knew a command so I could just delete the entire world, but I do not BECAUSE I'M A NOOB AND CAN'T FIND HELP ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET FOR ALL THE PROBLEMS I'M HAVING WHO THE HELL LIKES BEING IGNORED? HOW OFTEN DO I EVEN POST HERE? EVEN IF ON THE FREAK OCCASIONS MY EXISTENCE GETS ACKNOWLEDGED, I JUST GET TROLLED. THE INTERNET IS USELSS. I'M TRYING TO MAKE MONEY TO SAVE MY f*#@ING LIFE AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT. f*#@ THIS GAME f*#@ THIS SITE f*#@ YOU ALL WHITE SUPREMACISTS ON HERE f*#@ YOU ALL TROLLS I GENUINELY HOPE THERE'S A HELL SO THERE IS AT LEAST SOME JUSTICE IN THIS BULLSHIT WORLD f*#@ YOU ALL TO HELL AND f*#@ MY HOPELESS LIFE

Jesus, what do they have to do to convince people like you that they hate modding? This is like denying that someone is assaulting you while they're in the middle of doing it. What could prove it wrong? They release updates that do nothing but attack code skse needs to work. Also, mods stop working after a few updates even if they don't use skse. When I played, I was literally unable to use any mods that at all that were made more than a few months away from the version I was running. The same mods backported to LE work fine, regardless of when they were made. Suspicious. Look at all the mods on the se nexus; limit them to the ones that were uploaded within the past month or two. That's all you have to pick from. Now, go look at the entirety of the LE nexus. That's all you have to play with. Anyone can test this for themselves. Do you even play SE? You talk like you don't. I used to, I know what its like, what you say is flying in the face of my own experiences. Then explain the AE virus. Those things are all cheap crap that nobody wanted. In fact, It think one of them was never released before. They conflict with over 90% of the mods on the nexus. All perk overhauls, all alchemy mods, just about all spell mods, all survival mods, anything that affects khajiit merchants, and the innumerable patches and translations for said mods. Virtually nothing can be used now, even if it would work on any version. As if that wasn't enough, they even launched their most vicious attack on modding with that 'binary' virus. Literally nothing works from before that; even freaking models. And what happened after that? They changed the file format on textures. So you know all those gigantic retexture mods that everybody uses to make the game look less dated? THEY DESTROYED THOSE BECAUSE THEY HATE THEM. The evidence is pretty damning. What could possibly refute this? Why do mods stop working after just a few versions? Why do they keep attacking SKSE and claiming its for the 'cc s#*!', but oddly enough EVERYONE GETS THIS UPDATES EVEN IF THEY DON'T HAVE A SINGLE PIECE OF CC s#*! INSTALLED, then they force-installed crap 'mods' that were clearly carefully chosen to create the most incompatiblity problems possible, they then did something to the game's binary for no reason other than to stop mods from working, then they changed the file type for textures for no reason. Literally every single thing they've done has been an apocalypse on modding. Why else would they be doing this? Its not necessary to keep the game running; LE still works fine (though in my case it always worked better than s#*! edition for some reason, still no idea why, even changing my OS hasn't fixed the issues I was having with s#*! edition, such as a guanteed crash in dragonsreach, even without a single modification, keep in mind I had to change my harddrive and OS, so there isn't a single thing left installed from last time I used it). They're obviously not dong it to keep the game running, so why else are they doing it? Why bother? Why put in this much effort? Also, why is every single thing they do such an over-the-top attack on mods? Why? What are they doing? What else could they be doing? Also, anyone else does this, they have hell to pay for it. Unity tried to do this, and various indie game companies threatened to sue them for TRYING TO DESTROY WORK THAT WASN'T THEIRS. Imagine if RPG maker did this. Anyone ever tries to do this, they DON'T GET AWAY WITH IT. Why is bethesda allowed to? Is there just too many denialists in this community due to ULFRIC ATTRACTING ALT-RIGHT IDIOTS. And yes, that does happen. I've gotten into debates on the steam boards over whether or not the holocaust happened. They started viciously attacking me when I said I prefered to side with the empire. They used lines to defend Trump but with 'Trump' replaced with 'Ulfric', they used real-world racist language to refer to dark elves, seriously. Reddit has similar problems, and its not hard to find them on youtube. This all makes me think that maybe the game should just die and be forgotten. It just attracts too much of the far right DUE TO IT LITERALLY LETTING YOU JOIN A RACIST FACTION. Granted, they're projecting their own beliefs on him sometimes, but that doesn't change how many of them are here. Even this board has this problem; just look on the banned forum all the bigots they're having to ban. Its rare someone isn't banned for bigotry. And yes, they do deny everything under the sun. My own sister's alt-right fiancee is like this. He literally denies everything no matter how banal it is. I've questioned in the past how he can even function, or hold down a job he's so out of it. Even my schizophrenic father, who refused to acknowledge there was something wrong with him his whole life, was more grounded in reality. What does that say? It seems like I can't escape these people. They rule the internet, they're all over skyrim, the biggest lovecrtaft youtuber is an open white supremacist, and my own home town is ruled by them. I seriously wonder at times if me and my family are the only ones who didn't vote for Trump. Literally my entire neighborhood even has trump signs up, they're still flying their trump flags, they even kept their 2020 election signs up until they just straight disintegrated. They even seem more common now than ever. It makes me depressed simply walking down to my mailbox. What ever happened to this country? Did we ever move away from this? Were they ever defeated? Maybe America is hopeless.

Well, aren't I lucky? Decided to go try to trade with the farmer in that village near my base, so I could at least have some emeralds for the wandering trader for once. I do have plenty of leather now, more than I know what to do with. However, upon entering the village, I found it was almost completely deserted! Every house was empty save for one where a single villager was somehow stuck in a corner. The farmer was gone, along with the iron golem that was there. I'm on an offline server btw. The only thing I can figure that went wrong was that I set up my mine in that village. This was before I built my house. As a consequence, I was going near the village a lot. This must have meant monsters were spawning there and killing all my villagers. Funny story, there used to be two iron golems there, but I saw one get killed by mobs. So now, I only have one villager nearby. Funny story though, I did find another village not too far away while I was trying to find cactus. It had two brewing stands, lucky me. I did try to transfer a villager from there, but as expected as soon as night fell he made a bee line back to his own village, running straight through my village filled with empty beds. So now I've set up a bunch of boats under trees hoping to catch some zombified villagers. No luck so far, though that may be due to me spending most of my time in the nether rather than near my base. I did re-enter the nether and just mined through a wall to find some area that could be traversed. I got hopelessly lost, found half a dozen new biomes, and still no fortress in sight. I ended up having to use f3 to find my way back to my portal. I did, and found I was apparently on the opposite side of it. I literally dug in the same direction! Yeah, I was really badly lost. I had somehow gone in a circle and ended up on the opposite side of my portal from where I started. All I have to show for that trip is some mushrooms and soul sand. Guess now I can make my lanterns, still no blaze rods though. Worse yet, I need those to cure zombie villagers so I can have my own village again. Fml. Can nothing go right?

My life has only taken a turn for the worse ever since quitting kpop five years ago now. To make a long story short, I was into kpop from 2012 to 2019. I quit it because I finally got fed up with all the nightmare stories coming out of the industry. I had always felt bad about listening to it knowing it was a literal slave industry. After idols starting killing themselves because of how they're treated, I finally had enough. For a time, I was happier. Honestly, the horror stories coming out of the industry was doing me more harm then good. Sadly, that did not last. I started having anxiety problems at random. I seem to always be in a foul mood. I'm even starting to have health problems that the doctor told me are due to stress. I have been without music since quitting kpop. I tried to go back to the 'fantasy metal' I was into before. However, after kpop I was much more conciencious about what I listened to. I asked online why all the bands I used to listen to seemed to express right-wing views, and someone told me the truth; viking metal is a white supremacist genre. I had heard about the black metal bands from scandinavia from the early 90s, but I had never bothered to look much into it. I was never into black metal, or true crime either, so why bother? I had no idea that evil genre was in fact the origin of the power metal bands I used to listen to. Now, I can't stomach listening to that s#*! anymore knowing what it is. I keep trying, including earlier today, but it just makes me sick to my stomach. I've tried to find a new genre, or even a single band, but nothing else appeals to me. I've looked at everything from modern pop (I'm in my late 30s just so we know), to stupid obscure things like dungeon synth and math rock. What do I want out of music? I like grandiosity and positivity, Nobody has that. Only metal and kpop have the latter, only kpop has both. Well, glam metal does too, but that's a dead genre that's almost as morally questionable as kpop. I am NOT about to start listening to glam metal. I feel like a vampire honestly. I need the suffering of others to sustain myself. I don't want people to suffer of course, but it seems to get my life back, I have no choice but to tolerate evil. Also, honestly, I still keep checking up on kpop news to this day. That genre is designed to get you emotionally attached to its slaves. I litearlly grieved for 3 days after Sulli offered herself, even though I didn't personally know that woman! Kpop just gets its claws in you and will never, ever let go. If you've never heard kpop before, oh how I wish I was you. Never ever look it up. You will regret it the rest of your life. Aside for my own suffering, honestly I still feel guilty for tolerating the genre as long as I did. I knew it was a slave industry, but I kept consuming it anyway just because it made my happy. I feel disgusted with myself. However, I literally need it. There is no other genre on this planet that appeals to me. I've tried to live without music, though i can't seem to get an answer from anyone as to whether or not that's healthy. I was losing my mind for the longest time; I even contemplating killing all the bards in skyrim just so I would never have to be tortured by music again. I hear any tune, all I can think of is kpop. It makes me 'homesick' for the genre believe it or not. This is so stupid. Doesn't help that youtube keeps shoving both viking metal and kpop into my face regardless of what I'm looking up and even if I don't log in! This is so stupid. I want something different, but youtube won't show me anything. When I do find something that is at least mildly amusing, I always find they cite kpop as an influence. Seriously. Fml. Its like all youtube wants me to watch is kpop and viking metal. Was I led to kpop due to me being into white supremacist metal, even though I was clueless about it for the longest time? I thought I was just listening to fantasy music! I've been left wing my whole life, though I admit kpop, being from a right-wing nation, has sorted branded right-wing beliefs into me I did not hold before. I'm simply not the same person I was before, and that really makes me sick to my stomach. And yes, I did try to get into jpop, but that's even more questionable, and either way it sucks. Can I never be free? Can I never move on with my life? Can I never be free of stress again? I literally have nothing to do but play games. No music, no other form of entertainment at all. I WANT TO BE FREE AND HAPPY AGAIN WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED THAT IN THIS WORLD. Clearly going without music is NOT healthy for you. Its a form of sensory deprivation. Its like I'm deaf, except I can still talk. Its torment and I'm beyond utterly sick of it. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.

I've gotten better at the game, built myself a mansion, have a nice farm, and plenty of supplies. However, I've hit a roadblock and need resources from the nether to continue. So I finally broke down and built a portal, after getting myself a full set of diamond gear just to be safe. I tried to enchant it, but without villagers I couldn't get much of anything. I think I may have gotten a bad spawn. I found myself in a basalt biome w/e its called. Navigating through it was hard. Found a platform of netherrack, and discovered my surroundings. The area is dominated by this gigantic lava lake that's so large I can't see the other side. Worse yet, the entire area seems to just be small floating islands, making it even more difficulty to navigate around. Only meaningly things I did was kill a few magma cubes and traded with a piglin, that's it. I simply couldn't figure out how to get anywhere. I ended up leaving empty-handed. No potions or brewing stand for me it seems. I'm really at a loss as to what I can do. My nether doesn't look like anything I can find on youtube. Everyone has plenty of solid land they can traverse, I do not. I really don't know what I could do about this. I thought about building a new portal hoping to get a better spawn, but obviously I would have to travel super far away for that. I don't like travelling far from home either, because I keep getting lost. Its why I have no cactus to make green dye, f*#@ my life. I just don't want to travel out far to find it. On a side note, the nether was actually rather scary and atmospheric. Youtube just gave me the wrong impression of this game. Its more vast than I ever could've imagined watching others play. The music and atmosphere is nothing like I expected. I didn't know nearly as much about the mechanics as I thought I did watching all the manhunt videos, and both seasons of empires. I've never seen someone with a nether like I have. I really don't know what to do. I actually had to retreat out of the nether once just to get more blocks to build bridges. Yes, I didn't even have enough blocks to mine to build bridges in the nether. There's nothing there, just this gigantic void with magma at the bottom. What am I supposed to do about this? This like the worst nether a noob like me could possibly get. If anyone can offer help, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm at a loss right now as to what to do. Guess I'll get to building that village so I can have merchants at least. I can't make a brewing stand though, but I have stations for everything else. Besides, it'll probably take me a while anyway.

And before anyone says it, yes I know diamonds are supposed to be rare. What I saw though was ridiculous. Also, watching tutorials on youtube, I really think either my map was screwed up or those videos were outdated. They kept claiming that coal was 'rare', but it was the most common resource on my map! I seriously had more coal than wood. It was even more common than copper. I don't think that's normal. I was also running into coal all the time on the surface, even though that's also supposed to be rare. Also, the amount of time I spent looking, you would think I would at least run into redstone, but I never saw that either. Coal, copper, iron, stone, wood. That's all I had to work with the entire game. Maybe you can understand my desperation to get villagers. Either way, I think I need to take a break from it for a bit after my first experience.

Okay, decided to look up guides rather than going in 'blindly'. Nothing suggests interacting with villagers through the entire playthrough, so maybe it was unneccessary. it certainly wasn't worth the hassle. Hours wasting sailing back and forth across the map and I never got anything out of it. As for combat, I apparently wasn't doing 'critical hits' right. I found through experimentation, that jumping didn't make me kill mobs any faster. Apparently I had to be 'falling' for the extra damage to take effect. As for the non-existant diamond issue, everyone else had a far better chance of finding them than me, even if they were 'unlucky'. I think I just had a bad seed. Perhaps villagers would've helped so I could at least buy a diamond sword from them. Of course, I may have just been better off going to the village to trade with them there rather than trying to set up a colony near my house. I also needed a way to get them close to their 'dorm', which I couldn't do because the entire shoreline as far as I could find was a slope. I couldn't figure out how to get them up to a higher elevation. I thought about digging a tunnel leading to a staircase that they could climb once freed, but I never did do that. Also thinking I need to just start a new world, on easy difficulty this time, at least until I get used to the game. Besides, I had purged all the iron I could find in my vicinity, so I had screwed myself over in that world by throwing a tantrum. I just can't stand beating my head against the wall for no reward. Who enjoys that? Doesn't help that as I said in a previous post, I've rarely completed a game in my life. I used to never give up, but this just lead to me wasiting YEARS of my life trying to complete a game without ever succeeding. I'm just not as willing to keep trying now. If things get too hard, I give up and go do something actually useful. The only reason I stuck with this as long as I did was because I was hoping to make some extra cash on it. And no, I didn't 'enjoy' the game. The scenery was nice, I admit, but that's all I got out of this. That entire world was just getting hopelessly lost, dying for stupid reasons that I couldn't do a damned thing about, running for my life from mobs I couldn't handle, rebuilding over and over as creepers kept blowing up all my stuff, sailing back and forth across the map (which took an entire day/night cycle, so yes it was over 10 minutes one way), and searching the map for hours on end for COMMON items that I needed to progress. What fun is that? Of course, many people don't enjoy offline mode apparently; most prefer to play online. I've also been thinking about what difficulty various youtubers play on. I do know from my experiences with this unnamable game that there's a rampant problem with people playing the game on lower than default settings then claiming they're playing on a super hardcore world. The manhunt series is clearly on normal difficulty. Spiders can poison players, and undead wear armor. Don't know about the empires smp and its various off-shoots, or those hide or hunt videos though. Either way, someone like me clearly needs to stick to easy mode and creative mode (haven't learned yet how to activate that, but w/e). If nothing else, maybe I'll get a better map where diamonds exist outside of chests, and villagers aren't an entire day's boattrip away. This game does need an actual tutorial btw. It doesn't tell you a damned thing. I had crafting tables where I couldn't figure out what items it wanted, or even what they did. The game explains nothing to you; you have to look online to figure out how to play.

If it matters, I think this is the seed I had: 6519440901064800498 I got this by chosing 're-create world'. I have no way to know if its the same seed or not.

I am beyond utterly revolted sick of being ignored on here. Reddit is nothing but trolls. Stack exchange is run by trolls. Every forum is dead on the internet other than this. I know I won't get a single damned reply on here, no matter how much I beg, BUT WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE? The mods will probably delete this without notice AND THEN REFUSE TO TELL ME WHY NO MATTER HOW MUCH I BEG THEM. Anyway, been spending the past few days trying to learn to play minecraft. This game is more brutal than I ever expected. Spawned in a jungle on top of a tree, annoying. Kept dying for stupid reasons, most often fall damage because you can't fall more than 1 block without dying instantly. And yes, I'm playing on 'normal' difficulty. Somehow, I managed to get a house set up in a nearby savana biome. Even manged to get some wool somehow so I could make a bed to set my spawn point so I wouldn't have to keep trying to navigate down that damned tree and through a bamboo maze every single time I died. Nothing went right that run. I died over a dozen times at this shipwreck because I can't figure out for the life of me how the swimming controls work. It seems the only way to ascend is to hold space, but half the time it doesn't work for no apparent reason. After dozens of attempts, I got all the loot out of that damned shipwreck, though that was because I leveled the entire thing just to make sure I could get out. A lot of my deaths were due to me not being able to exit the doorway i came in. Wtf? Penned some cows and sheep, but that's the only thing that went right. I tried mining for diamonds, because I couldn't handle seemingly anything in combat. All I could find is iron after scouring every single cave. I did get lucky on find a treasure map on that ship, but I got hopelessly lost trying to find it. Spent hours sailing around the map trying to find my way home. Funny enough, I did finally stumble upon the treasure somehow, and got 2 diamonds out of it. That's the only diamonds I ever saw. Having failed to find anything mining, I decided to set up some villagers close by. All the villagers I could find were ultra far away. Nothing about that went right. I brought home one, but by the time I got the second one that one had been turned into a zombie. f*#@ my life. And yes, they had a house, though they utterly refused to go to it for some reason. I tried sailing to the left because I thought I ran into another village that was closer by. I just got hopelessly lost again, and never did find the other village. And you know what happened next? When i finally did find my home again, I realized that my diamond sword was missing! I was struggling enough against mobs with that damned thing. I had traveled too long a path to retrace my steps to find it. I then went to the original village to retrieve another villager. Got him home, and you know what? He ran away from my house and back towards his original village. Wtf? I chased him trying to trap him in a boat, but he moved far too erratically for me to do that. It was night time too so I was struggling against stinking spiders and zombies. He ultimately got blown up by a creeper despite my damnedest efforts to save him. And yes, I had set up torches on the ground all around my base. He was well outside of them. Still, for some reason I kept having zombies spawn in my base, and even stinking creepers blowing up everything. Fun times. Keep in mind, it probably took me 10 minutes to get to that village ONE WAY. I finally lost it. I set fire to the villager's home, and my own. Killed the one villager I did get, which was a 'nitwit' anyway I found out trying to find info. I brought him home because I liked his shirt. Game gave me no clue he was useless. I don't even know if he could breed, honestly. I then jumped in lava to delete all my gear. I have nothing, square one. Before I was wishing I had set up close to a village so I wouldn't have to do all that s#*!. What went wrong? How are you supposed to fight mobs? They're stupid over powered. I can barely even handle zombies. And yes, I had a shield, and was using it. Only time I managed to kill a creeper before it blew up was with a bow and arrow, but it took me forever to get the string to craft because you have to kill spiders for it, and they're even more OP than zombies. I searched for diamonds for HOURS only to come up completely empty handed. I have no idea how my diamond sword disappeared. I did get hit by a trident I think while I was lost. Does that unequip weapons? Its the only thing I could figure. Was it a mistake to set up so far from a village? Why did that villager run away instead of going to a bed that was 10 feet away? How are you supposed to protect villagers? Should I have even bothered with them? I did try mining first, but that turned up empty as I said. I was struggling to find enough coal for torches I went through so many tunnels. Yes, I know I threw a tantrum in the end, but who wouldn't be frustrated after all i went though? Struggling for hours and hours on end for utterly nothing. I don't get why i can't handle mobs even with full stinking iron. What am I doing wrong? I don't get it. I'm doing the same thing everyone on youtube does, but its still an epic struggle. People kill freaking endermen with iron, I obviously don't stand a snowball's chance in hell with the same setup. What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Was the seed just bad? No villages for miles around spawn. Spawning on a tree in a jungle. Failing to find any diamonds anywhere. Getting hopelessly lost god knows how many times. Having items vanish from my inventory at random. Struggling to kill mobs that nobody else has even the slightest issue with. What else could I have done?

Well, I've bought Minecraft. First new game I've bought in YEARS, and it was microsoft (f*#@ them). I bought the card from a gamestop, so I guess they didn't get any money directly from me. They already got their money when Gamestop bought that card from them, at least that's how I prefer to see it. Its downloading now. It'll be time before I start uploading videos. Still need to test out a lot of stuff, such as my recording software that came with my OS, and editting videos using Microsoft's slideshow over on my laptop. Guess its time to finally see how much money youtube actually makes. I thought for the longest time people only got a few cents per view on their videos, but I've been told that's well below what they actually get. Guess I'll see for myself now. It may not be enough to live off of, but I don't need that. Any extra money is enough. This will be the first time I actually make money. Yes, I've never been 'employed' my whole life. It'll be weird having an income of my own for once. At the same time, it'll be nice and it'll fit the life I have to lead. Let's see how far this goes.

I really need more money. The only thing I can think to do to increase my income is to start making money on my games. Problem is, I suck. I've rarely completed a game in my life. Also, over the past several years all I've been playing is Skyrim, and I'm getting beyond sick of it. I haven't played it in weeks now. I own dozens of games, but I hate most of them. Either because they weren't what I was expecting (false advertising, I even a few months ago had some shady company threaten legal action against me after I showed a screenshot revealing that the game isn't what it was advertised to be), or because they were updated into something I either don't enjoy or can't play (f*#@ you terraria). I've been thinking of starting my own mod review channel, Those are few and they always focus on load orders, and padding out their stinking videos that reveal practically nothing. I want people to learn how to make their own, I want something like brodual back. Of course, I only play LE because I never could get SE stable on my system. And besides, I can't stomach what they've done with the ae update. I did re-install it not long ago, just for the beyond skyrim project, but I've since removed it because it was seriously that revolting. Besides, I still had the issue with a guaranteed ctd to dragonsreach. Yeah, changed OS, to an ssd, new ram, not a damned thing installed (that was the first time the thing was installed after switch os, there would've been nothing left from before), and the issue persists. Why is this unique to me? Point is, I would never and could never make content for s#*! edition. What am I supposed to do about that? I may have to make content for one of my other games, even though I haven't even tried to play most of them in years. I was thinking I may need to buy minecraft and play that. I've never played that game before, but even obscure channels seem to get a lot of views. Besides, honestly I was figuring if I wanted to make a game my job, it may be better to do it with one I have no emotional attachment to. Besides, I did think about switching over to it after the 1.4 update rendered me unable to play Terraria. Yes, I could just play terraria, but who would care to watch someone build things with wood and stone getting slaughtered by beginning enemies? Yes, 1.4 made the game that difficult. Days before, I could get up to the pillars, and had near end-game gear that was beyond what most people need. 1.4, that same character couldn't handle ANYTHING even with that op gear. Not everyone is a bloody pro, not everyone can 'git gud'. I've tried my damnest to complete the game for years and years and it was never enough, and now 1.4 has made it so I can't progress pass the beginning of the game. Obviously, I can't just upload myself playing, I need to do something that my lack of ability won't affect. Mod reviews, builds in Minecraft. Of course, who knows if I could even survive in minecraft to get the materials I would need. Also, that would be rather repetitive. Thinking about it, how can I even do mod reviews when I haven't been able to complete the game in years? I've been trying to do that damned relic hunter challenge for so long, I've honestly forgotten how to play without it. I was thinking of recording myself doing my final run. Why not if it takes that much effort? I don't see how I could though. I'm either forced to restart due to missing an item, some staibility issue, or my build just sucks. It seems impossible to make it all the way through for one reason or another. How could I ever complete a freaking series? If that wasn't all bad enough, there's also my speech impediment. Even my family struggles to understand me at times. How could I ever do a youtube channel when I can't even talk bloody right? I was looking into speech therapy a few months ago for this, but I couldn't find one and I was told online it was highly unlikely I could find a center willing to treat an adult. Also, I probably wouldn't be able to afford it anyway. Also, I don't trust the internet; I have been contemplating permanently disconnecting it. Must I really sell my soul just so I can eat? Every day I get more scared to even post online. Now, I've heard everyone's being accused of being either an Islamaphobe or an anti-Semite if they say ANYTHING about the war in Gaza. Its a terrifying time to be alive. Point is, I certainly don't want to be putting my voice online. If I could, I would just do text, but youtube doesn't let you monetize that to try and thwart conspiracy channels. f*#@ my life. I may have no choice, but I'll probably drive people away. Who would listen to someone talk that's hard to understand? I'm sorry, I'm really in a corner here. What can I do? I suck at gaming, I suffer from a speech impediment, and ever since that programming degree I don't trust the internet anymore. What can I do here? Yeah, I could chose a non-gaming topic, but nothing I'm interested in gets views. Minecraft may be my best chance. Maybe I'll make my own mods for it and demonstrate it; from what I've seen its stupid easy to do it. I mean, if you want to have all zombies spawn with diamond armor, it only takes a simple if-then statement. I would've thought it was far more complicated than that. Scan around the player periodically, check every entitiry's race, then what they have equipped in all slots. If they're a zombie without diamond armor in all their slots, then equip them with it. Yeah, far simpler than I would expect. Of course, this may be because I'm a certified programmer. Maybe its my calling. Who knows if I could play such a game though. I can't play Terraria, hell even Freedom Planet is too hard for me, a game famous for its difficulty. Could someone as cartoonishly bad as me handle minecraft?

Okay, I think you seriously need therapy. Even my mother who has depression/anxiety (the doctors can never decide which) is seriously far, far more optimistic than you. If you're more negative than someone who's been diagnosed with a serious mental order, who was once even institutionalized for said disorder, that probably means you need help. If you were like this in person to me, you would scare me. My mother worries me at times, but you make even her worst moments look like a joke. Get therapy please, you clearly need it, and I've noticed even other users on here calling you overly negative.

You in theory could in xEdit, yes, but you have to 'place' things by entering their xy coordinates. You also don't get a render window showing what you're doing. You'll have to hop in-game back and forth to see what you've done. I've only ever done this myself to move a follower mod to the basement of Jorrvaskr. I did this by giving her the same xy coordinates of a rug on the floor. You would have to use sheer guesswork to make a location ex nohilo. Though once you figured out a few of the numbers, you could I guess use math to figure out the xy coordinates you would need for everything else, though you'll have to figure out the xyz dimensions of every object you want to use to do this. Obviously, this isn't the most practical thing to do, which is why most everyone does this through the CK.

Honestly, I always saw a keyboard as superior to a controller. In the early 2000s when I was a teen, I used that to argue why I prefered PC games over console games, even though I was a console gamer throughout the 90s, and I still continued to play my ps2 even well into the ps3 era. I admit though I have since bought a controller for my pc, because I find its easier to play some of my games with it than a keyboard. I first bought it for Sonic Generations. Recently I've found its more convenient for Injustice. Still, I rarely plug it in. I did try to use it with Skyrim, but I didn't do that for long since it doesn't have enough buttons to have a favorites menu (the thing is an off-brand logitech controller that's specifically designed to make the computer think its an xbox controller for the sake of compatibility). Besides, its nigh impossible to aim a bow with an analogue stick, and I rarely play(ed) melee characters! Standardization always comes about, look at happened with cars (I will admit though I prefer the more creative designs of older cars, now cars all look essentially the same). I do remember all the different control schemes games used to have. There was no standard, so you didn't think anything of it at first. It was normal to learn a new control scheme everytime you switched. Besides, 3d games required completely different controls from 2d games, so everyone was having to learn the new setup. The recent game Snake Pass was meant to recreate the unusual and new control schemes the first 3d games had. However, as time went on, it became apparent that some were better than others, inevitably leading to standardization. I never saw that as a loss though; I've always found some older control schemes really annoying, even ones I used to be used to. Besides, why does it matter which button is mapped to jump or attack? It doesn't change what you're doing on screen. I will say though my favorite control layout was the original Ape Escape. It was even one of the few games to use the r3 and l3 buttons. If you don't know what those are, the joysticks themselves doubled as buttons, though nobody noticed this thinking that you could click them was just a fault of the design. Very very few games used them; Ape Escape is the only one I know of.

'For Dummies' books? I thought those were discontinued long ago? I've only seen them in second-hand stores, and they're all really bad dated. That said, there has been a strong push towards catering to casual gamers for a while. They're simply the larger demographic, and nobody likes to play a game that's too hard for them. I admit, I would prefer it if they made games for all skill levels. Nobody enjoys games that are too hard or too easy (I did return a game once in the 90s that was too easy for me, croc if you care to know), but not everyone is the same skill level. They really should come up with some rating system to relay the difficulty of a game. Of course, these days they're increasingly pandering to disabled players, such as ones who are deaf or legally blind. Perhaps such a thing will come?

Its all right, I know full well myself what its like to be socially inept. I didn't really find it offensive, just random. For the record I have been considering grief counseling. My mother doesn't seem to be too interested in the idea though. Then again, we are short on cash, like everyone else now. Will groceries ever go down, seriously?

The reason sequels dominate is because they're less risky. Any new IP is a gamble, sequels less so since as long as most of the prior games are good, it'll turn a profit even if its bad. This trend started in the 2000s during the great recession. People quickly started complaining about this, since it felt like the same few games were being re-made over and over. it stuck though since it simply proved the better business strategy. Before this, sequels were rare. Long-running series were few. Now it seems all games are expected to generate endless sequels, even on the freak occasion a new IP comes out. New IPs are more frequent now, though they rarely seem to get much attenion, possibly because the gaming landscape is so overcrowded with titles now.

May I ask why you say that? I am in mourning now, so I am feeling sorta depressed. I am getting better; at least I'm not spending hours balling my eyes out. I'm trying to let go of my regrets, and wondering what could have been. I admit, I don't know how to properly handle grief. I've tried to find out, but I cannot sadly.

I've had an excessive number of deaths over the past 8 years. I've lost just about all my family members (most of them animals granted, but aren't they living things too? They're like children!). I still like to game, don't get me wrong, but honestly after all my losses, I don't really like games much anymore that trivialize death. Just look at Skyrim. You're casually going on a homicidal rampage all the time without a thought in the world. The one npc's funeral is the only time death is really treated with any sensitivity or maturity. I've been trying to think of a way to play Skyrim but without harming a single soul, human animal or monster. I've heard of people just playing as a travelling merchant instead of doing the adventurer thing, but I can't find any evidence on that or how to do it. Even so, just about all the quests in Skyrim require you to kill something. You can in theory retrieve stolen items using stealth and/or illusion, but that's about it. All the major questlines requires something to die. Yeah, a lot of times you can just sit back and let npcs do it for you, but that feels like I'm an enabler. I was thinking of a build. Use Alternate Start to skip the Helgen sequence. Become a traveling merchant. My main skill would be speech, which I've never really explored. The problem is how to defend myself while travelling Skyrim. An armor skill? Illusion for calm spells? Just ride a horse around? Worse yet, I've been thinking of becoming Christian again. I don't see myself using magic in a game if I do that. Yes, its fantasy, but simply seeing things die in Skyrim is upsetting, who cares if I'm the cause? The whole polytheism thing is another issue. I had already abandoned my faith long before I stumbled upon rpgs. I really don't know what its like to play these games as a Christian. I know they do, but I don't know how they justify it. I do know of a few Christian mods yes, not including that joke Jesus mod. Do I play as a merchant who goes around hunting for all the books of the bible? There is a quest mod that does technically require killing, though it has you sort of re-enacting an obscure story from the bible. Stupid yes, but I'm sick of believing all my loved ones have simply ceased to exist. Their lives didn't matter, an all will be lost once all the people who knew them when they were alive are gone. Besides, I've grown up and learned that atheism isn't as sensible as they claim it is. Besides, I was forced to abandon my faith, just so people would stop accusing me of being stupid. That was idiotic, Christianity being true or not. I'm sorry, I've just been having a rough time over the past decade, and both me and my mother are starting to get on years. Call me pathetic, but I'm sick of being a nihilist. Sorry, am I overly reacting? Can I ever game again after the closest loss I've ever had to endure? I'm starting to think that dog was more to me than I realized. So much of my life centered around her. Am I wrong for wanting more mature gaming?

I have been discussing Grief Concelling with my mother. Her psychologist did recommend that to us years ago. Perhaps we should take him up on it at last. Also, I've been looking into Christianity again. I was raised one, but abandoned it in my teens. I tend to do this after a death yes, but each death has only made me lean more and more towards staying. I've suggested to my mother that we should start praying again before eating, even if its in our vehicle in front of a fast food joint. She likes the idea. Change needs to happen. Change was already happening anyway; one of my regrets is my dog won't get to see the part that was for her now. Also, the vet did tell me the virus she had, me bringing her in sooner wouldn't have made any difference at all. Still a good idea to do so, of course, its just that this time it honestly wouldn't have mattered. She claimed herself she had no idea of her skin issue until they shaved her. They didn't suspect anything else until they decided to check her art after she demonstrated an odd symptom at random. They needed to use an mri for that. I wouldn't have been surprised if she had other covert problems. Also, for a correction, I didn't console her while we were driving; I was the driver. I was doing it when we were waiting for the vet to come back while in that room. She did have other patients after all, and the blood work did take time. They did what they could for, to make her end less miserable. Its all that could be done. She insisted everything must have only started recently with how fast she went downhill. Like I said, July 31 she was fine and bouncy and everything. No clue at all she would get so bad. I asked the vet if she was even conscious when we were in the room with her. She told me she was, and that she could hear and smell me, 'absolutely', but who knows if she was being honest or trying to console me. She did admit to me she was in pain, and confused, and scared. How long was she miserable? Keep in mind, we did have warning signs over the past few weeks that we failed to realize were abnormal. She was slipping on the porch, but so was I when it was wet, but its been raining almost every day for weeks now. We had two major rain storms in the hours while she was in hospital. I told my mother 'she must be really glad she's not in this'. That was one of the few times I would've felt inclined to bring her into the house, despite her despising other dogs (its why she had to stay an outside dog, not she seemed to mind, she really liked to run around and chase things, vet told us she probably was part blood hound as I had long suspected).

Leonidas, I just wanted to say, I have you blocked but I can't remember why. Despite that, I still thank you for your sensitivity. That said, I'm still reeling from her loss. I can't stop thinking about going to feed her. I regret what we didn't do together, I keep wondering if she would still be here if I took her to the vet sooner, or how long I took her existence for granted. On July 31, I went out and fed her, petted her, did the routine, never once did it cross my mind that would be the last time that routine would be uninterrupted. It was the next morning I suspected something was wrong. I thought she may have just sprained her leg again. It was that evening, I checked on her ahead of schedule, and found her going downhill. The next day, would be her last on this earth. I didn't suspect a damned thing. I even already went through this once when my mother's horse died. I still remember going out three times a day to feed her and my dog, never once did it cross my mind that this would one day no longer happen ever again. I still fell into complacency, never considering that my dog was getting on years. Of course, have an even older dog in our house; I was thinking she would be next. I saw no reason to worry about my dog until she passed, and she's still healthy and happy as ever. Heck, she even escaped on the day we got back from the vet hospital, leading me to chase her around the neighborhood again. Who would've thought the younger dog would suddenly have major problems? I also have so many things for her that I now have no use for. Her food bowl, her water bowl, a new water bowl she never even got to see because I couldn't figure out how to get the glue from the label out of it, the two pitchers I carried her food and water in, these large dog dentastix. Wow I devoted so much to her. I took good care of her, I took her to the vet when I thought it was needed, but she's still gone. I still have her urn to deal with. Its not here yet, but I still don't know where I'm going to put it. This won't all be over until Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when the cremation truck comes in. I'm hoping I don't break down when I do finally go retrieve it. Also, I feel isolated. I keep posting here because I have no one but my depressive mother to talk about this. We were expecting my sister to come over, but of course she not because she can't be trusted for s#*!. I'll be surprised if we see in the next few months knowing her. Sorry, I just have no one better to talk to about this. This board really needs more activity.

You can't seemingly do anything in Skyrim that doesn't involve killing. At least though you can progress through the tutorial dungeon without slaying anything yourself; in Oblivion you were completely alone through most of the sequence, so no npcs to do the dirty work for you. I've heard of people playing this game as a merchant. They don't do dungeons or such; they just interact with merchants and try to accumulate money, buy houses and such you know. I don't see how that would be too engaging though. There's Trade Routes and Supply and Demand, but does that really add any more interactivity to the system? The reason I'm asking IS IMPORTANT. My dog just passed. I've had an excessive number of deaths in my family. It started with my abusive father, which I still mourned despite how he treated me. Then both my grandparents. My father's horse, that horse's mother. Two dogs, a cat. Some of my sister's animals, including another dog at least two kittens and a pet possum (seriously, turns out you can't return them to the wild once you've sheltered them but you can turn them into pets! that one didn't live to see adulthood though, sad). I've already grieved, don't get me wrong. Funny enough, I was doing so while my dog was in hospital. Her death seems to have hit me particularly hard. I had no contact with my father anymore when he passed; the last time I saw him alive was a full year prior. I didn't know most of my sister's animals. Our grandparents weren't really a part of our lives growing up. None of these really affected how we lived. This changed with the mother horse. It was weird for the longest time not having to go out to feed her three times a day. Even after she passed, I had a thought once that I had forgotten to feed her. A few hours later, I had a thought that she might be cold (she died in winter). This dog was essentially my best friend though; I was more than her caretaker. The horse was technically my mother's. I'll no longer go out to feed her, or give her water, or play with, never will I again get to say to her face 'you're a good girl', or 'I love you'. Sorry, point I'm trying to make is; I'm tired of treating death so trivially. I never liked it after I experienced a death, but now I think I want to make that permanent. In particular I'm thinking of making a mod that makes all dogs invulnerable, so I never have to experience the loss of a dog ever again. I may do the same for horses; I did download a mod shortly after the mother horse's passing that let you pet them. It was deleted soon after being uploaded sadly. I didn't even get to endorse it. That mod truly meant something to me. Of course, this isn't all that new; ever since the human deaths in my family I don't like using 'memento mori' decorations for halloween. Cartoony sheet ghosts are fine, but skeletons and graves are not. Death does change you. Of course, non-violent games are rare, and I certainly don't have too many. I wish I could keep playing Skyrim. What must I do? Play a merchant but use calm spells so I never have to engage in combat again? Yeah, npcs aren't real and they never truly die; they all return to their original state when you make a new character. Also, due to the low variety of faces among bandits and forsworn, I've started to actually recognize most of them. I've even started to give them names; the one nord bandit that shares his face with Erikur and a few other npcs I've taken to calling Erikur. Of course, I was thinking of trying to find a mod for LE that increases the diversity of faces, but oh well. What mods could I use to turn this into a non-violent game? I mentioned Trade Routs and Supply and Demand. Alternate Start would let you completely skip the intro dungeon. Do I need to just play a merchant who abuses calm spells just to avoid combat? I know its possible to turn off the combat AI through console commands, but I've only ever used that for testing. Does that persist through saves? I don't know.

Update: that dog has even more problems. She went into cardiac arrest, but survived. Right now, she would need 24/hour care to survive this. The vet is phoning a 24 hour hospital to get a price check. We definitely can't afford the options she's already given us. It'll be a 45 minute drive, with no medical care at all, but better than 12 hours of none over night. She's also delerius right now. To make matters worse, the vet confirmed to me even in the odd chance she survived, she's probably brain damaged and wouldn't be in good shape. Is thousands of dollars really worth one more year with a senile disabled dog? So that dog may die yet. I'm expecting the price to be too high. After balling out my eyes for hours on end, I finally feel peace. I'm more willing to accept putting her down now. I still need help coping. I'm only writing this to confirm that this dog is probably dead and is unlikely to be coming home. Even if she does, it won't ever be the same again. I love that dog... edit: We got a third call, they found she had a heart worm. Yeah, can you believe it? The vet claimed everything must have only recently started. Also, we were informed that even in the ultra slim chance she did make it, she would never be the same again. We made the call; that dog is gone. Just two days ago she was alive and happy and bouncy as normal. Last morning, she couldn't stand. Now, she's with her parents.

My dog started demonstrating some serious illness just yesterday. I won't go into the details, and besides they're still developing. We took her to the vet and after a battery of tests they thought they found what was wrong with her, and that she may in fact survive. Besides, can't remember the name of the disease they named anyway. Hours later, we got a call from the vet. Turns out, she was worse than anyone expected (the vet didn't find out themselves until they shaved her fur, how the hell I did not notice that is beyond me, but she insisted even she did not until she was shaved). She nearly died, but they were able to resuscitate her. She's now on a life support machine. More may develop later, because this new discovery has lowered her odds. They actually asked us if we wanted to cut her off of life support. Seriously. I've had an excessive number of deaths in my family the past 8 years. My father died, his horse, my grandfather, grandmother, two dogs that had been in our family for decades, one cat, several of my sister's animals, and now this. To be clear, my dog still lives, but that may not be for long and she's surely suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if we got another call from the vet in the next few hours. What I need, is better coping strategy, because this is overwhelming and I just don't know how to properly deal with it. I've always felt like its wrong to do ANYTHING enjoyable for the first few days after a death. I don't know if that's the healthy thing to do, or if even I could enjoy myself during such times anyway. Of course, right now I have my beloved dog fighting for her life in a pet hospital. We're still contemplating where to put her urn. Really, what should I do? I don't know. Is the way I'm dealing with this the right way? Is there anyway to properly deal with this? Its these excessive deaths that have me questioning my lack of religion. I just can't stand the idea of all my loved ones simply no longer existing. Besides, I abandoned my faith for a stupid reason anyway; to stop people calling me stupid simply for my faith. I've since grown older and realized atheists aren't as grounded in reality as they think, or that EVOLUTION IS LESS SOLID THAN A CONSPIRACY THEORY, or that the whole religion vs science thing was AN ADMITTED HOAX CONJURED UP BY ONE GUY TO GIVE ATHEISTS THEIR OWN MYTHOLOGY. Sorry. back on point. What should I be doing? Is my reaction normal? Can you even enjoy yourself knowing your loved one is suffering? Or after a death? I really don't know what to do here. I have been trying to see some positivity in this, mostly in that if that dog passes we won't have to buy her food anymore (like many, we've been struggling financially, we were questioning if we could even afford treatment). She could also meet all the others that have passed before her, including her parents and maybe original litter, the one she grew up playing with. Its not much, but still. Should I even be justifying this? I'm trying to keep a clear head and acknowledge that the worst can still happen. At the same time, I'm still trying to also acknowledge there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be reached, but at least its there. There is still hope, but no guarantee. I spent half an hour grieving before that phone call even though that dog still lived and I thought she was better off than she actually was. Over the top? I don't know. I wasn't like this when my mother went to hospital, though she wasn't borderline comatose when we brought her in, and she was guaranteed to survive. We had to carry my dog out of the house on a freaking stretcher! My poor poor dog. For some stupid reason I forgot to say good bye when we left her there. I was repeatedly telling her though she was a good girl, and that I loved her. I also was putting my hand in front of her nose so she could at least smell my scent. Also, she was actually getting mildly more active before we left. What do I even say? Sorry, I just need someone to talk to, and I have no one. I suggested that perhaps we should take that psychologist's advice from years ago and go seek grief counseling.

Freedom of Speech means the government can't come after you for what you say. They don't have the right to lock you up just because you don't like the current system 100%. This doesn't extend to the private sphere, yes. Companies do have the right as to what gets said on their platform. Of course, its long been said they have too much power over speech. They're the ones curating who gets the audience of the internet. Facebook was censoring both right-wing speech along with religious speech for years. The former was suspected for a while, but the latter wasn't found out until they started investigating the first! Youtube's also gone overboard censoring ANY channel that talks about even mundane things like history. There's also been rampant complaints about how conspiracy theory channels get far more noticed than channels trying to debunk them. Of course, this is probably due to them being far more numerous, meaning their audience is spread out more thinly, making it far easier for them to evade notice. Still, it is allowing conspiracy theories to spread out of control, and part of that is them STOPPING THE VIGILANTES WHO ARE TRYING TO FIGHT BACK. There are few contrasting voices on youtube, and the ones that do exist get censored disproportionately. Wonderful times we live in.