If anyone is butting heads with the whole "Static Objects Dont Work" issue, here's an interesting note. @GeraldMods , author of a few recent Remastered said that they actually used Activators as stand-ins for Static Objects. I just attempted to create my own activator, but couldn't set the model path manually. I extracted the BSA and set up a directory that SHOULD be identical to where the game looks inside the BSA, but whenever I tried to select the .nif, CS said 'Directory invalid.' I'm assuming it wasn't a problem with my directory, and is instead a problem where the CS thinks it's installed/ where it expects to find the oblivion dir in general. I dunno though, that doesn't really make sense. I think my next move is to install OG oblivion and to try to create a mod that uses the restrictions of Remastered (activators as static,) and see if that works.
(a big assumption I've made here is that GeraldMods did not create their own activators, but used existing ones. We'll see.)