Malchik Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 OOC> Hi Gabriel. On the whole I think most posts are in the spirit of the thread and those that are not we ignore. Zaphod and Captain Jane Greenaway have been in the thread for months! On topic What the two headed Zaphod did not know was that he had come to the attention of Janus, the two faced god of doors who was not best pleased. It is upsetting when someone who is proud of being unique discovers the uniqueness has been compromised. But being two faced he did not of course behave in a straightforward and gentlemanly manner about it. Instead of politely approaching Zaphod and charming him with such words as: "Take that head off right now or I'll make it a head 'julienne'!" he went about it in a sneaky underhand way. As Zaphod awaited his Swedish cheese dish and had in fact been sent a cheesy Swedish dish he intervened by replacing the girl with a potion to make one head disappear. And it worked! Zaphod consumed the potion, which cunningly looked like cheese, and found his head was odd (in number - there being only one). But there was a problem. Janus had requested the second head to be sent to him. Now Janus being a Roman deity, spoke Roman and the apothecary, who was really an actor out of work after a bit part in Romeo and Juliet, from whom he ordered the potion spoke Shakespearian English. He misheard. Instead of 'the head to go up to this Janus' he arranged for the head to go up his ... huh? (Sorry misread my notes there) for the head to go up to Miss Jane US. This he assumed was the commander of the starship Counterpoise. So Jane Greenaway who had intrepidly sent out the two headed Zaphod to explore the small planet not far from Betelgeuse found herself facing one disembodied head eating what looked suspiciously like mozzarella. Her immediate reaction was to....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karkarinus Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 (ooc> was that i/c?!? Oh, I see! Anyway, in the newcomers' defense, they need to get into the swing of things a bit, and to try not to Uber-do things. But don't worry, Gab - we have no intention of letting anyone end the Neverending Story. As Malchik says, we blatantly ignore any miscreants, and try to keep some semblance of - ahem - order to the story! :) ) i/c> Her immediate reaction was to....... head for the small planet not far from Betelgeuse, and seek out the answers to the 'cheese incident' and to thoroughly reprimand Zaphod for his recent tête-à-tête with himself. The Starship Counterpoise hovered overhead in exactly the same way that a brick doesn't. Zaphod nearly sued for plagiarism. Jane Greenaway was not a huge fan of cheese, but gritted her teeth and donned her Cheese-Gone 2000 pince-nez readings specs, and stepped out onto the gruyère-like surface of the planet. To her dismay................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phawk69 Posted August 18, 2006 Share Posted August 18, 2006 A stench of cheesy lounge lizards spotted her and took turns trying to one line her to the Cheese Festival. The Limburger classics rolled - “Hey baby, could you lift your leg, you're standing on my heart”; “Hey baby, you must be a thief, because you just stole my heart”; “Hey baby, are those your eyes, or did you have diamonds surgically implanted”; “Hey baby, you must be tired, you’ve been running through my mind all night”; “What’s a classy dame like you doing in a dive like this”; and it just got cheesier and cheesier, until Richard (D*ck to his friends, but of course the language security won't allow that :) ), the head-cheese, dropped the ‘big bomb’ - “Hey baby, do you come here often?” Captain Jane Greenaway had had enough. She drew her phaser and set it on ‘fondue’. Leveling the weapon on D*ck, the head-cheese, she said “Yes, as a matter of fact I do come here often, but only in my nightmares.” And with that burn she began roasting all the lounge lizards and their cheesy leisure suits of powder blue. Zaphod had meanwhile noticed his head was missing when he tried to scratch it and his hand headed to the Starship Counterpoise. The head, disembodied as it was, was very glad to find a hand, and proceeded to play with the buttons on the control consol. “I’ll teach Greenaway to be so bossy” the head thought, “Won’t let ME touch the buttons, eh? Well how do you like this Miss I’ll-Do-It?” When suddenly ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karkarinus Posted August 19, 2006 Share Posted August 19, 2006 ......suddenly, back on the planet's surface, one of the Cheesy Lounge-Lizards did a kind of Bat-Fink protective cape caper, and Jane's fondue beam was reflected back at her, instantly turning her into Jane Fondue, a.k.a. Barbarella: half-naked, not-quite-as-erotic-as the-first-time-I-saw-it, space-travelling sex kitten from the late 60s. Beaming back to the Counterpoise, Jane adopted a 'sultry' poise at the entrance to the Bridge, where Zaphod fiddled aimlessly with many buttons. She appeared to have an itchy leg. Zaphod had just figured out a way to circumvent the language security to be able to say "D¡ck" when....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phawk69 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 ... his disembodied head noticed the button his disembodied hand was pushing belonged to the very embodied chest of the newly converted Barbarella Jane Fondue. Blushing slightly, but continuing to push, bodiless Zaphod wondered how any body could get a body like that, or more to the point, how a no body like him could get into Jane’s new body, even if it wasn’t quiet as erotic as the first time he had seen it. Hoping for answers he ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabbemaster Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 Said to the newly converted Barbarella Jane Fondue: "What is this... button... good for?" And the Barbarella answered: "Absolutely nothing." "Cool!" Zaphod said, and Pushed the button. This resulted in... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malchik Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 the sound 'bingle bingle boop' and a strange voice out of the ether saying "We are sorry to keep you waiting but your call has moved further in the queue. If you wish to speak to god, please keep holding and one of our operators will be with you in 17 million light years or so. If you wish to settle old scores by credit or debit card, please press 1. If you are trying to contact your late friends and family you have chosen the wrong medium. Please hang up and contact 'the other side'. If you are waiting to cross over, why don't you just use the goddammed bridge?" Then there is silence until the 'bingle bingle boop' returns. This time the message is different. It says.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabbemaster Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 "We are sorry to keep you waiting, but due to all the phone bills you haven't payed your call has been moved to the end of the queue. If you wish to speak to god, please keep holding and one of our operators will be with you in 170 million light years or so. If you intend to pay the bills right now by credit or debit card, please press 1. If you are trying to contact your late friends and family, then you should have thought about that before you didn't pay all your bills. Please hang up and contact 'the other side'. If you are waiting to cross over, then keep waiting. Then there is silence until the 'bingle bingle boop' returns. This time the message is different. It says.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karkarinus Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 ...."War - HURGH! - yeah! Good God, y'all - What is it good for? Absolutely - NOTHIN' - Say it again, y'all!.... bingle bingle boop... You've reached the Edwin Starr-Fleet Command Centre. Please note that repeated use of copyrighted Edwin Starr lyrics, as detected 3 posts ago, may cause Mr. Starr to swing his celestial pelvis and shout "HURGH!" in a rather unseemly manner for his age. If you wish to speak to (good) God (y'all,) y'all found him; if you wish to settle old scores, war is good for absolutely nothin' HURGH! And should you wish to contact late friends and family, please leave a message and song dedication after the bingle bingle boop. Bingle bingle...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phawk69 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 ... bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, bingle, ...."Hey, what are you doing?" Jane Barbarella Fondue shouts, "Pushing the button that does nothing is one thing, but fondling the casing is something else entirely!” She then gets a funny look on her face and says “Hey, where’s that disembodied head of your’s? It had better not be looking at my behind assets!” She turns just in time to see Zaphod’s bodiless head floating around the corner as fast as a disembodied head could float. Ripping his hand from her chesty buttons, she ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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