I need advice (pet in hospital that may not live UPDATE: the dog has passed).

[InDarkestNight]

My dog started demonstrating some serious illness just yesterday. I won't go into the details, and besides they're still developing. We took her to the vet and after a battery of tests they thought they found what was wrong with her, and that she may in fact survive. Besides, can't remember the name of the disease they named anyway.

Hours later, we got a call from the vet. Turns out, she was worse than anyone expected (the vet didn't find out themselves until they shaved her fur, how the hell I did not notice that is beyond me, but she insisted even she did not until she was shaved). She nearly died, but they were able to resuscitate her. She's now on a life support machine. More may develop later, because this new discovery has lowered her odds. They actually asked us if we wanted to cut her off of life support. Seriously.

I've had an excessive number of deaths in my family the past 8 years. My father died, his horse, my grandfather, grandmother, two dogs that had been in our family for decades, one cat, several of my sister's animals, and now this. To be clear, my dog still lives, but that may not be for long and she's surely suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if we got another call from the vet in the next few hours.

What I need, is better coping strategy, because this is overwhelming and I just don't know how to properly deal with it. I've always felt like its wrong to do ANYTHING enjoyable for the first few days after a death. I don't know if that's the healthy thing to do, or if even I could enjoy myself during such times anyway. Of course, right now I have my beloved dog fighting for her life in a pet hospital. We're still contemplating where to put her urn.

Really, what should I do? I don't know. Is the way I'm dealing with this the right way? Is there anyway to properly deal with this? Its these excessive deaths that have me questioning my lack of religion. I just can't stand the idea of all my loved ones simply no longer existing. Besides, I abandoned my faith for a stupid reason anyway; to stop people calling me stupid simply for my faith. I've since grown older and realized atheists aren't as grounded in reality as they think, or that EVOLUTION IS LESS SOLID THAN A CONSPIRACY THEORY, or that the whole religion vs science thing was AN ADMITTED HOAX CONJURED UP BY ONE GUY TO GIVE ATHEISTS THEIR OWN MYTHOLOGY.

Sorry. back on point. What should I be doing? Is my reaction normal? Can you even enjoy yourself knowing your loved one is suffering? Or after a death? I really don't know what to do here. I have been trying to see some positivity in this, mostly in that if that dog passes we won't have to buy her food anymore (like many, we've been struggling financially, we were questioning if we could even afford treatment). She could also meet all the others that have passed before her, including her parents and maybe original litter, the one she grew up playing with. Its not much, but still. Should I even be justifying this? I'm trying to keep a clear head and acknowledge that the worst can still happen. At the same time, I'm still trying to also acknowledge there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be reached, but at least its there. There is still hope, but no guarantee.

I spent half an hour grieving before that phone call even though that dog still lived and I thought she was better off than she actually was. Over the top? I don't know. I wasn't like this when my mother went to hospital, though she wasn't borderline comatose when we brought her in, and she was guaranteed to survive. We had to carry my dog out of the house on a freaking stretcher! My poor poor dog. For some stupid reason I forgot to say good bye when we left her there. I was repeatedly telling her though she was a good girl, and that I loved her. I also was putting my hand in front of her nose so she could at least smell my scent. Also, she was actually getting mildly more active before we left. What do I even say?

Sorry, I just need someone to talk to, and I have no one. I suggested that perhaps we should take that psychologist's advice from years ago and go seek grief counseling.

Edited August 3 by InDarkestNight
updating title

[7531Leonidas]

I had four dear cats (mother and her 3 kittens) get sick and die one after the other, over about a 5/6-year period.  My consolation was A:  knowing that their sufferings were over, and B:  remembering the fun their little individual quirks, like the one that just had to jump up into my lap under the newspaper I was reading, and her love for the corners of CheezIts I would bite off for her, and the only boy being so brave and nosy, even though he was almost completely blind for his whole life.

In short, I HAD to focus on the positive stuff, not the negative.  You did right by letting her smell you on the way out of the house.  Get the grief counseling, so you are less tempted to wallow in regrets/grief.

[InDarkestNight]

Update: that dog has even more problems. She went into cardiac arrest, but survived. Right now, she would need 24/hour care to survive this. The vet is phoning a 24 hour hospital to get a price check. We definitely can't afford the options she's already given us. It'll be a 45 minute drive, with no medical care at all, but better than 12 hours of none over night. She's also delerius right now. To make matters worse, the vet confirmed to me even in the odd chance she survived, she's probably brain damaged and wouldn't be in good shape. Is thousands of dollars really worth one more year with a senile disabled dog?

So that dog may die yet. I'm expecting the price to be too high. After balling out my eyes for hours on end, I finally feel peace. I'm more willing to accept putting her down now.

I still need help coping. I'm only writing this to confirm that this dog is probably dead and is unlikely to be coming home. Even if she does, it won't ever be the same again. I love that dog...

edit: We got a third call, they found she had a heart worm. Yeah, can you believe it? The vet claimed everything must have only recently started. Also, we were informed that even in the ultra slim chance she did make it, she would never be the same again. We made the call; that dog is gone. Just two days ago she was alive and happy and bouncy as normal. Last morning, she couldn't stand. Now, she's with her parents.

Edited August 2 by InDarkestNight

[InDarkestNight]

Leonidas, I just wanted to say, I have you blocked but I can't remember why. Despite that, I still thank you for your sensitivity.

That said, I'm still reeling from her loss. I can't stop thinking about going to feed her. I regret what we didn't do together, I keep wondering if she would still be here if I took her to the vet sooner, or how long I took her existence for granted. On July 31, I went out and fed her, petted her, did the routine, never once did it cross my mind that would be the last time that routine would be uninterrupted. It was the next morning I suspected something was wrong. I thought she may have just sprained her leg again. It was that evening, I checked on her ahead of schedule, and found her going downhill. The next day, would be her last on this earth. I didn't suspect a damned thing. I even already went through this once when my mother's horse died. I still remember going out three times a day to feed her and my dog, never once did it cross my mind that this would one day no longer happen ever again. I still fell into complacency, never considering that my dog was getting on years. Of course, have an even older dog in our house; I was thinking she would be next. I saw no reason to worry about my dog until she passed, and she's still healthy and happy as ever. Heck, she even escaped on the day we got back from the vet hospital, leading me to chase her around the neighborhood again. Who would've thought the younger dog would suddenly have major problems?

I also have so many things for her that I now have no use for. Her food bowl, her water bowl, a new water bowl she never even got to see because I couldn't figure out how to get the glue from the label out of it, the two pitchers I carried her food and water in, these large dog dentastix. Wow I devoted so much to her. I took good care of her, I took her to the vet when I thought it was needed, but she's still gone. I still have her urn to deal with. Its not here yet, but I still don't know where I'm going to put it. This won't all be over until Tuesday or Wednesday, depending on when the cremation truck comes in. I'm hoping I don't break down when I do finally go retrieve it.

Also, I feel isolated. I keep posting here because I have no one but my depressive mother to talk about this. We were expecting my sister to come over, but of course she not because she can't be trusted for s#*!. I'll be surprised if we see in the next few months knowing her. Sorry, I just have no one better to talk to about this. This board really needs more activity.

Edited August 3 by InDarkestNight

[7531Leonidas]

I am sorry for your loss, but remember, animals that show weakness are often shunned/attacked in the wild.  It is no accident that you did not see a problem, animals of all sorts are quite stoic for this reason, and if you see a problem, it usually means that something big is going on.  Two of the four cats I discussed above, had similar declines, the mother kitty with congestive heart failure brought on by hyperactive thyroid, and the CheezIt lover that developed a baseball/softball sized tumor in her abdomen.  That I did not ask for an x-ray when I first took her in still bothers me (it would not have changed a thing, just shortened her suffering by a couple of weeks), but I just use the experience with the little girl kitty that adopted me just a few years back.

Re: the block - I too, had a depressive mother (spent much of my 7th/8th grade years coming home from school, and wondering if I would arrive just to see her dead at home), and I probably pushed too hard to get you to get help in an earlier post, to change your surroundings in a more positive way.  Get counseling, get some kind of supportive personal relationships, like some sort of encounter group, or something similar.  I encourage you to find a group, so you won't fall into the routine I did, leaning too hard on the one or two people I could talk to.

[InDarkestNight]

I have been discussing Grief Concelling with my mother. Her psychologist did recommend that to us years ago. Perhaps we should take him up on it at last.

Also, I've been looking into Christianity again. I was raised one, but abandoned it in my teens. I tend to do this after a death yes, but each death has only made me lean more and more towards staying. I've suggested to my mother that we should start praying again before eating, even if its in our vehicle in front of a fast food joint. She likes the idea. Change needs to happen. Change was already happening anyway; one of my regrets is my dog won't get to see the part that was for her now.

Also, the vet did tell me the virus she had, me bringing her in sooner wouldn't have made any difference at all. Still a good idea to do so, of course, its just that this time it honestly wouldn't have mattered. She claimed herself she had no idea of her skin issue until they shaved her. They didn't suspect anything else until they decided to check her art after she demonstrated an odd symptom at random. They needed to use an mri for that. I wouldn't have been surprised if she had other covert problems.

Also, for a correction, I didn't console her while we were driving; I was the driver. I was doing it when we were waiting for the vet to come back while in that room. She did have other patients after all, and the blood work did take time. They did what they could for, to make her end less miserable. Its all that could be done. She insisted everything must have only started recently with how fast she went downhill. Like I said, July 31 she was fine and bouncy and everything. No clue at all she would get so bad. I asked the vet if she was even conscious when we were in the room with her. She told me she was, and that she could hear and smell me, 'absolutely', but who knows if she was being honest or trying to console me. She did admit to me she was in pain, and confused, and scared. How long was she miserable? Keep in mind, we did have warning signs over the past few weeks that we failed to realize were abnormal. She was slipping on the porch, but so was I when it was wet, but its been raining almost every day for weeks now. We had two major rain storms in the hours while she was in hospital. I told my mother 'she must be really glad she's not in this'. That was one of the few times I would've felt inclined to bring her into the house, despite her despising other dogs (its why she had to stay an outside dog, not she seemed to mind, she really liked to run around and chase things, vet told us she probably was part blood hound as I had long suspected).

[InDarkestNight]

Okay, I think you seriously need therapy. Even my mother who has depression/anxiety (the doctors can never decide which) is seriously far, far more optimistic than you. If you're more negative than someone who's been diagnosed with a serious mental order, who was once even institutionalized for said disorder, that probably means you need help. If you were like this in person to me, you would scare me. My mother worries me at times, but you make even her worst moments look like a joke. Get therapy please, you clearly need it, and I've noticed even other users on here calling you overly negative.