Serpentine

[Monarch_Anor]

This is a (very) short story I had to write for school... based of a real childhood memory. Just rate or whatever I guess... Looking for critics >.< To clarify, the story is supposed to be fiction, and the memory is when a snake came into our classroom in first grade... Also, vampires is supposed to be spelled vampyres... and I know that punctuation is flawed in some areas...

:thanks:

 

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Fear; the black room around her felt like an empty void. There was a slithering sound, and a thump, as if something had fallen. A hiss, and a sigh. "A snake, oh God, a snake?" she thought.

 

"Please... please God, don't let it be real... Let it be-" he voice as cut off as another hiss pierced the emptiness.

 

She looked down at herself and saw nothing, her once gnarled hands did not exist in this place, her body was one with the black, she was nothing. The snake however, was another matter, it waited, it watched, it lived. It was everything, the whole of existence, and why not embrace that existence?

 

Death would be welcome from this place, this nightmare, this void. So she moved, moved without moving, feeling nothing yet feeling everything. All to late she remembered, understood that she had done this before. But it was to late for her... the snake was suddenly illuminated, it reared its head, and what a hideous creature it was... For it was no snake, it was a monstrous daemon. Horns sprouted from its humanoid head, twisted back like a rams. Its sharp vampyres teeth glistened with blood, and its body, that serpentine body, was blacker than the void.

 

"Welcome..." it whispered, then ripped her heart from her body, and the last thing she saw was that figure feasting...

 

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Fear; the black room around her felt like an empty void... blacker than night, blacker than space. The slithering sound again... or was it again? She couldn't remember... The thought fled her as it moved again. "Oh God...why a snake?" Fear, that most evil of emotions, froze her in place.

 

Then a thought, death. Would not death be preferable to this fear? but then a feeling... the feeling of deja vu. That she had been here before, in this hell.

 

Hell, the thought hit her like a hot iron searing her thoughts. She was dead, and this was her punishment, The past opened up before her, her crimes. She realized she deserved her punishment.

 

"Good," Lucifer whispered. "You...understand..."

 

His voice seemed to slither, much like his body, and then his sadistic laughter screeched through her. Just before she saw it again, that demonic serpent, for the last time.

 

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She woke up screaming, pain rippled through her body, for she had one now, and she screamed.

 

It was unimaginable, imposable, but happening. She opened her eyes and instantly her pain was worse. She had only time to think that perhaps there were many levels of hell... then the pain blocked out everything.

[dezdimona]

very cool, a great read!

[LordTenaim]

Cleverly done and deffinetly a good read.