CC's Joke Corner.

[CommanderCrazy]

Welcome to CommanderCrazy's Joke Corner.

 

The rules are simple:

1, Post funny jokes.

2, See rule 1

3, See rule 2

4, Try an avoid Excessively rude jokes.

5, Avoid rule 5.

 

 

Ill start....

 

 

Who gets the Egg

 

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast. One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen.

 

The Englishman disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

 

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up; whoever gets up quicker wins the egg."

 

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on. He took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman and kicked him as hard as he could in the balls. The Englishman fell to the floor clutching his nuts, howling in agony for 30 minutes.

 

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

 

The Scotsman said, "Keep the damn egg."

[yugimawa]

So uhh yeah they have this iphone app that lets you know if your spouse has been spying on you like reading your texts emails ect

 

some people call it revolutionary

 

Tiger Woods calls it 2 months to late

[CommanderCrazy]

;D

 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

 

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

[rebalious]

An englishman, a scotsman and a welshman all walk into a bar.

The bartender asks "Is this supposed to be a joke?"

[CommanderCrazy]

An Asian, An Australian & an American are in a boat & the boat is sinking.

They all decide to throw out something that they have many of in their home country.

The Asian throws out a bowl of of noodles saying "Ahh, We has many these in how countriii" (Im not racist)

The American throws out a Burger saying "We have many of these in our country"

And Lastly, The Australian throws out the Asian, saying "We have TOO many of these in our country"

 

 

The boat sails off into the sunset.

[rebalious]

Dunno that sounded rascist to me. :P

 

There are 3 types of people in the world, those who can count and those who cant.

[CommanderCrazy]

It may sound racist, but im not being racist.

Its just how the new Immigrants pronounce English.

[yugimawa]

A guy goes into a bar and orders a grasshopper so he leaves while walking home he says a grasshopper and says hey do you know theres a drink named after you and the grasshopper says theres a drink named ervin?

 

the man flipped out that a grasshopper spoke to him so he squished it to death and went home and spent the rest of the night enjoyable

[rebalious]

1, Post funny jokes.

 

Hmm...

 

George Bush

[DirTek]

A guy goes into a bar and orders a grasshopper so he leaves while walking home he says a grasshopper and says hey do you know theres a drink named after you and the grasshopper says theres a drink named ervin?

 

the man flipped out that a grasshopper spoke to him so he squished it to death and went home and spent the rest of the night enjoyable

 

I'm not sure I understand. Try using some punctuation....the sentence is really confusing without them :huh: I don't mean to offend but I really can't understand it...

 

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Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

 

Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t."