Funny Replies You Make To NPCs

[The_Vyper]

Bandit: "Die, damn you!"

Me: "Damn me? No, damn you!" *kills bandit with a spell called Smite Evil*

 

NPC: "What can I do for you?"

Me: *evil grin*

 

This happened after I jumped off of a roof and landed right in front of a Guard:

Guard: "You've got quite a bounce to your step. You must be an acrobat."

Me: "Of course I'm an acrobat! What else would I be? A Cliffracer?"

 

Guard: "Do you have a death wish, citizen? Put that weapon away or I'll put you down myself!"

Me: "Actually, I do have a death wish. Care to try granting it? *kills guard, 10 of his buddies and half the town*

[The_Vyper]

Khajiit just outside the gate to SI: "No, go away. I'm not here."

Me: "Then who's talking to me?"

 

Bolwing: "Fribble! Just fribble!"

Me: "And if I don't fribble?"

Bolwing: "I'll Kalicrak the Findoo. I will. You Terratet it!"

Me: "Umm, yeah. You do that. I'll be...somewhere else."

 

Chapel Healer: "How are you?"

Me: "You tell me. You're the healer."

[TheVampireDante]

Guard: "Stop right there Criminal scum!"

Me: "Hey, you're the one taking bribes..."

 

***

 

Random Bandit: "i've fought Mudcrabs tougher than you!"

Me: "Where they carrying a mace like this one?"

 

***

 

Conjurer: "This is the part where you fall down and bleed to death!" "Casts powerful shock spell*

Me: *casts Legendary reflect damage on self*

Conjurer: "Urk..."

Me: "moron."

 

***

 

Ocato: "Where's Martin?"

Me: *Take a guess genius..." *points at freaking massive stone Dragon behind him*

 

***

 

Glarthir: "Look at the muscles on you."

*Awkward Silence in which Glarthir stares at a near eight foot tall Devil character*

Me: "Hey, you ever been to Dive Rock? Took a friend there once, I think you'll like the view...""

 

***

 

Guard: "Why won't you die!"

Me: " God mode dude."

 

***

 

Emperor: "I go to my grave."

Me: "Sucks to be you, hey can I have that fancy necklace you're wearing after you've gone?"

 

***

 

Anyone: "MURDER!"

Me: "WHERE?! Oh, this...right."

*Runs*

 

***

(In starter cell, female character)

Captain Renault: "Hurry Sire..."

Me: "That's what I said, and look where it got me."

[qazxcer1776]

I sometimes think it's funny to reply to things said by NPCs. Here's a few examples:

 

NPC: "You have quite a bounce to your step. You must be an acrobat."

Me: "Why are you watching the way I walk? Are you attracted to me, or something?"

 

Imperial Watch: "You have my ear, citizen."

Me: "Do you want it back?"

 

NPC: "You have the hands of a healer."

Me: "I also have the ear of a guard. Wanna see what else I've got? "

 

NPC: "It's you. the Hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor."

Me: "How did you know it was me? I don't recall seeing you at Kvatch."

 

NPC: "Why are you bothering me?"

Me: "Because I'm not bothering someone else yet."

 

Imperial Watch: "You. I've seen your type before. You have blood on your hands."

Me: "Yep, and I believe it's yours!" *kills guard*

 

Imperial Watch: "What are you looking for?"

Me: "The Dark Brotherhood. Have you seen any of them around?"

 

Imperial Watch: "If you've got to travel, by the Nine Divines, stay on the roads. The wilderness just isn't safe anymore. We've had sightings, you see. The Daedra.."

Me: "How much do bandits bribe you to say that?"

 

Imperial Watch during Persuasion: "Talk tough to me. I like tough guys."

Me: :blink: "Okaaay, I'm leaving now."

 

Bandit: "Throw yourself on my sword while you still can!"

Me: :ohmy: "Taht's just wrong." *kills bandit*

 

So what are some of yours? Or am I the only one who has fun doing this? :biggrin:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like the one this one....

 

 

Guard:Speak.

 

Me:Woof!

[blacksmithkazuma]

I cant even think of anything right now I'm laughing so hard...

[blacksmithkazuma]

 

***

(In starter cell, female character)

Captain Renault: "Hurry Sire..."

Me: "That's what I said, and look where it got me."

 

 

Absolutely wonderful!!!

[blacksmithkazuma]

 

Me: *kills a chicken*

NPC: STOP! THIEF!!

Me: I want Chocobo though. o3o *yanks the dead chicken*

NPC: Your tretarious little filtcher, how dare you steal from me!!

Me: I don't even know you. o-o *yanks the chicken again*

NPC: HELP! HELP! I'm being ROBBED!

Me: The guards will not come to your aid, MWUHAHAHAHA! I blocked the gates with horse spawns!

*A Guard shoots across the sky and tries to arrest me!*

Me: ...that was really awkward timing...

 

Me: *in Jail, looking at Cellmate* Don't try anything funny or I'll claw out your eyes and offer them to Sheogorath.

 

 

I laughed so hard i cried.... oh god... this is way too good!

[blacksmithkazuma]

Imperial Guard: "You have my ear citizen."

Luneska: " I didn't know this was diablo... OHH I PWND YOU!!!!" * runs away with his ear*

 

Golden Saint Guard: 'Speak quickly citizen."

Luneska: *squeek* "donthurtmedonthurtmedonthurtme! *throws imperial ear at her and runs*

 

Emperor : "I've seen you before, your the..."

Luneska : "Yea, thats why I'm here in the first place..." *Glare*

[blacksmithkazuma]

NPC: "Identify Your Self!"

Luneska: " ummm... *flashes multi-pass* Meat Popsicle?

 

NPC: "Fribble, Just Fribble."

Luneska:" Yea I know... *stares at a golden saint guard* "I just ran..."

 

Dark Seducer: "How may I serve you?"

Luneska: ".... ...."

 

Blade: "It's the Prisoner, kill her, she might be one of them"

Luneska: "uhhhh...*Looks around wearing Mythic Dawn Robes* No I'm not..."

 

Imperial Watch: "What are you looking for?

Luneska: *Drops lockpick* " Ummm, my contacts?"

 

NPC: "Halt! Thief!"

Luneska: *Stares at her dagger she just picked back up from the floor of the Best Defense* "It's mine you idiot! Don't make me take your other ear!"

[The_Vyper]

@blacksmithkazuma: Those are good. keep 'em coming. :biggrin:

 

Guard: "Hail, good citizen. I speak for the Emperor. At least, I did."

Me: "Listen, pal, I met the Emperor and he didn't have any trouble speaking for himself."

 

NPC in SI: "If you see a Shambles dying, get real close. They'll heal you."

Me: "Care to demonstrate that?"

 

NPC in SI: "I know where Sheogorath is. He's hiding in my house. In a cupboard. But he's invisible."

Me: "Really? Yeah, that sounds like something he'd do."

 

Khajiit just outside the gate to SI: "You can't see me. You can't see me. No one can see me."

Me: "Who said that?"

 

Bolwing "Gorble. Can't you hear them gorbling?"

Me: "Gorbling? It sounds more like a game of Bandersnatching the Jabberwoki to me."

 

Bolwing: "I've got a Quintat that says they can ipanate."

Me: "Oh yeah? Well, I've got an Octat that says they can't."