Funny Verse

[karkarinus]

Anybody got any funny poems you'd like to share with us? I've always loved humourous poems, limericks etc, and would like to share some and discover others. The old faithful "The boy stood on the burning deck......" ones and such like.

 

(P.S. Can Dark0ne or a Mod please let us know if we can legally post stuff from other authors?)

 

 

 

I'll get the ball rolling with one of my all-time faves:

 

 

 

The Duchess, while pouring out tea

 

Said, "Do you fart when you pee?"

 

I replied, with some wit,

 

"Do you belch when you sh¡t?"

 

So I think that was one up to me! ;D

[karkarinus]

So nobody's even slightly interested, but I'll post another one anyway!

 

 

 

A young grasshopper

 

Whose name was Fred

 

Who was told by his mother

 

To go to bed.

 

But the night was hot,

 

He couldn't sleep,

 

So out of the window, with a leap

 

To jump around and stretch his knees

 

Till catching cold, he gave a sneeze.

 

Leaping back he banged his nut,

 

His sneeze had blown the window shut!

[Malchik]

I fear this is far to frivolous (or perhaps I mean intellectual) for your average gamer. I know many limericks but they are not suitable for posting on forum where the under fifteens may get access. And yes of course they know worse than I do but I'm sure their mummies and daddies think otherwise!

 

If you like comic verse - check out the Tom Lehrer website. He is of an age gone by but still funny.

 

Quote from 'Lobochevsky' (a hint for all degree students)

 

"Plagiarise!

Let no man's work evade your eyes

Remember that the good Lord made your eyes

So do not shade your eyes

But plagiarise, plagiarise, plagiarise....

 

But alway be so good as to remember to call it 'research'!"

[karkarinus]

Thanks for your contribution, Malchik, I knew I could count on you for some kind of input!

 

 

 

Here's another good one by Lehrer: (it was a song, but it still counts)

 

(by the way, it was Lobachevsky, with an 'a' :) )

 

 

 

Since I still appreciate you,

Let's find love while we may.

Because I know I'll hate you

When you are old and grey.

So say you love me here and now,

I'll make the most of that.

Say you love and trust me,

For I know you'll disgust me

When you're old and getting fat.

An awful debility,

A lessened utility,

A loss of mobility

Is a strong possibility.

In all probability

I'll lose my virility

And you your fertility

And desirability.

And this liability

Of total sterility

Will lead to hostility

And a sense of futility.

So let's act with agility

While we still have facility,

For we'll soon reach senility

And lose the ability.

Your teeth will start to go, dear,

Your waist will start to spread.

In twenty years or so, dear,

I'll wish that you were dead.

I'll never love you then at all

The way I do today.

So please remember,

When I leave in December,

I told you so in May.

 

Bu-bum

[VaanicOne]

It's not a funny verse, but I still always mention this little riddle about "E" whenever I can:

 

From the beginning of eternity,

to the end of time and space,

to the beginning of every end,

and the end of every place...

 

In fact, I think I'll add it to my sig right now.

[karkarinus]

Nice one, Vaanic~One, that one's a good one.... Thanks for your input. Funny or otherwise, anything that can prove that poetry isn't necessarily all that flowery luvvy-duvvy stuff that so many people think it is.

 

 

 

Here's a limerick that rhymes contextually, but not phonetically...(?) :huh:

 

 

 

There was once a man from St. Bee's

 

Who was stung on the arm by a wasp.

 

When asked, "Does it hurt?"

 

He replied, "No it doesn't,

 

But I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet!"