Funny Quotes

[DarkNinja13]

"You couldn't score in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas" -

David Spade, "Just Shoot Me" :laugh:

[krimzin]

Old Cajun Man: [in a muffled back water accent] I like to say, "Home is where you make it. "

Joe Dirt: What?

Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.

Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?

Old Cajun man:No, No. Home, where you make it. Home.

Joe Dirt: Oh.

[Walks away]

Joe Dirt: Guy likes to see homos naked, that doesn't help me.

[Keanumoreira]

"It's so FLUFFLY!!!!"

 

"Oh look at the tiny toilet! (SPLASH!") curse you tiny toilet!"

 

"Your face is so beautyful it's like...a burro."

 

"I bought a spanish dictionary. (SLAP) I didn't like what you said about my face."

 

"We stole the statue of liberty! (Hurray, yay!)...From Las vegas. (Awwww.)

 

"It's a anti gravity gun. (Blast) (Ahhhhh!!!!!)...I meant to close that."

 

- Despicable me. XD The funniest movie in the world.

[Keanumoreira]

This isn't really a quote, but it's still funny.

 

"High blood pressure got you down? Ask your doctor if ZortafrinFX (Zor-ta-frin-nix) is right for you. In clinical trials, ZortafrinFX was proven to lower blood pressure. Ask your doctor before taking ZortafrinFX. Women, pregnant women, and most men should not take ZortafrinFX. Known side effects include dry mouth, upset stomach, mild death, blindness, massive heat attack, and rectile fungus. Almost all men who took ZortafrinFX experienced a severe loss in sexual performance. This is normal. Please stop taking ZortafrinFX immediately if you feel mild discomfort on or in testicles as this could be a sign of a rare and extremely unpleasant side effect known as total scrotal implosion. if total scrotal implosion should occur, call your doctor right away. If you cannot move or talk due to the debilitating pain of total scrotal implosion, please have a loved one call your doctor. There is no cure for total scrotal implosion. ZortafrinFX. Always the right choice."

[krimzin]

You are a very harsh master, Master. I like you. -HK-47

 

Statement: It's just...you have all these squishy parts, master. And all that water. How the constant sloshing doesn't drive you mad, I have no idea. -HK-47

 

Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and strangely enough, not many meatbags would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticle, and together, achieving a singular purpose... against statistically long odds. -HK-47

 

Revan: Whoa, slow down there. Yes, I did purchase you...

HK-47: Explanation: Then you qualify as my master and I must refer to you as such. The legal requirements for models of my type are very specific, master.

Revan: What legal requirements do you mean?

HK-47: Answer: Simply that the distinction between 'killer' and 'killee' be a clear one. I cannot kill of my own volition, naturally.

Revan: I don't think 'killee' is a word.

HK-47: Expletive: Damn it, master, I am an assasination droid... not a dictionary!

 

Suggestion: Shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up? -HK-47

 

You are like a delightful random cruelty generator, master, poisoning all you touch with your presence. You are a testament to all organic meatbags everywhere. -HK-47

[brokenergy]

Shepard asking Legion how he obtained his armour

 

Shepard: That doesn't explain why you used my armour to fix yourself

Legion: There was a hole

Shepard: But why you didn't fixed it sooner? Or with something else?

Legion: No data available

 

Not funny but it is cute

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BmXlJc3kcc&annotation_id=annotation_528385&feature=iv

 

Warning: Contains some course language, not for children under 13.

[krimzin]

All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.

 

Randy: Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit…

Striker: The cockpit…what is it?

Randy: It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.

 

Fletcher: You scratched my car!

Impound Guy: Where?

Fletcher: [showing him] Right there!

Impound Guy: Oh. That was already there.

Fletcher: You — liar! You know what I'm going to do about this?

Impound Guy: What?

Fletcher: Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain eight hours out of my life and you probably won't show up, and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway. So what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!

Motorpool Guy: You've been here before, haven't ya?

 

[placing the dog in a washing machine] It's a poodle, set it on "delicate".

 

(Beavis and Butt-Head are playing court in an open field next to the street, using a grasshopper as the defendant)

Butt-Head: Huh,huh, this court is now in session.

Beavis: I know you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. Heh,heh.

(Butt-Head punches Beavis in the face)

Butt-Head: It's my turn to be the judge butt wipe! Huh,huh,huh,..This court is now in session. I know you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. How do you hold against the charges of......

Beavis: Trespassing! Heh,heh,heh.

Butt-Head: Yeah, and buzzing around and getting in my face and stuff. Huh,huh,huh, has the jury reached the verdict?

Beavis: The defense rests.

Butt-Head: Yeah huh,huh,huh, shut up! I herby sentence the defendant to death by ........ uh..death by... huh,huh,huh, sawing off his wiener! Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh.

Beavis: (Beavis whips out Mr. Anderson's chainsaw and mutilates the grasshopper;also chopping off Butt-Head's index finger which bleeds continuously)

Beavis and Butt-Head: (singing Judas Priest Breaking the Law)

Butt-Head: (index finger is still bleeding) Huh, huh, huh.... cool.

[Keanumoreira]

Shepard asking Legion how he obtained his armour

 

Shepard: That doesn't explain why you used my armour to fix yourself

Legion: There was a hole

Shepard: But why you didn't fixed it sooner? Or with something else?

Legion: No data available

 

Not funny but it is cute

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BmXlJc3kcc&annotation_id=annotation_528385&feature=iv

 

Warning: Contains some course language, not for children under 13.

 

I don't remember that. What conversation option did you choose? :confused:

[brokenergy]

Shepard asking Legion how he obtained his armour

 

Shepard: That doesn't explain why you used my armour to fix yourself

Legion: There was a hole

Shepard: But why you didn't fixed it sooner? Or with something else?

Legion: No data available

 

Not funny but it is cute

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BmXlJc3kcc&annotation_id=annotation_528385&feature=iv

 

Warning: Contains some course language, not for children under 13.

 

I don't remember that. What conversation option did you choose? :confused:

 

Paragon.

[grannywils]

Hey, are you guys still doing funny quotes in this thread? I have a couple but I'm not sure where they came from:

 

"Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."

 

"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson"

 

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

 

and finally,

 

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD":rolleyes: