Things you learned from playing Oblivion

[Lehcar]

Title says it all. Here's a few things I learned:

 

Crabs and other random animals carry coins so they can go on beasty little shopping excursions!

 

All men in Tamriel of all races are completely lacking facial hair.

 

Horses will always remember exactly where "home" is, and exactly how to get back there, even if it's on the opposite side of the country.

 

Do anything at all to piss off someone and they'll chase you... and chase you... and chase you, over mountains and hills, through swamps and lakes, through trees and ruins. They will. not. give. up. Until you surrender. Or until you're dead.

 

Shopkeepers are very, very easily angered. Accidentally pick up something as petty as a worthless quill or piece of paper off their table and they'll have you slaughtered in a heartbeat.

 

Don't mess with them orcs. It's a bad idea. Seriously.

 

Police City Guards will just kill you if you are unwilling to go to prison or pay a fine.

 

Nobody either notices or cares if you're running around in your undies. :laugh:

 

Eating pieces of dead zombies is good for you (sort of)! Oh nom nom nom.

[Eiries]

-The Imperial Legion picks out its members solely on their level of psychic prowess.

 

-Maiq the Liar has turned over a new leaf since the last game, and probably got to Cyrodiil solely by skidding across the surface of the ocean at lighting fast speeds.

 

-It is entirely possible to see a flower, grab the flower, attempt to pick the flower, and fail miserably at it.

 

-Horses can walk on walls.

 

-Every beggar in Cyrodiil is actually a well-spoken con artist. Also, their children are starving. You know, cause of all the children in Tamriel.

 

-There is no lava in Oblivion. Instead, it is filled with piping hot fruit juice.

 

-All merchant have an endless supply of money, but can only purchase items at several hundred gold a conversation.

 

-Many pairs of pants in Cyrodiil are in fact magical, and will miraculously become skirts when worn by any female.

 

-It is completely feasible to swing around a 70 lb longsword.

 

-When one lights a town on fire, it burns. Forever.

 

-The Imperial City has a fully functioning sewer system. Too bad there's are no toilets... or running water.

 

-All bandits and marauders go through intense training to ensure that every hit from an arrow lands directly in your crotch.

 

-The country's greatest plague are invisible gnomes that will painstakingly replace the items in almost every container in Cyrodiil every three days.

[Sarya]

- I hate rats.

 

- I hate crabs.

 

- I hate zombies.

 

- I love Morrowind.

 

- I miss cliffracers.

 

- Quest givers are cheapskates.

 

- Relatively pretty nord and high elf women decided to stay on Vvardenfell. Almost every single one.

 

- Cyrodiilic fashion mostly consiscts of rags and rusted irons of various colors. Unbelievably glamorous.

 

- A few fine people in Cyrodiil are destined to die terrible deaths in young age.

 

- Gates. Gates are everywhere. Gates are under my bed! Die, damn fairy lizards!

 

- Adventurers are fair game. Kill every one you meet. Get a free GB ticket.

 

- I'm sick of necromancers. Unusual for me. Yeah, I kinda... learned that, to my surprise.

 

- I can swim in plated armor. Behold my power!

 

- Illusion rocks. One of the good things.

 

- Magic is for fireworks. Completely safe even in dry hot weather.

 

- Backstab is another gift of Heaven (or Hell, likely). You will never see me coming!

 

- Trolls, ugh. Well, there are trolls and that has no use at all.

 

- I hate spriggans.

 

- There are more things that I hate than I could imagine. In Morrowind, my hate list consisted mostly of Caius Cosades and Ranis Athris, while now...

 

- Sheogorath is fun. Doubly.

 

- Mephala is fun too.

 

- Molag Bal is also fun.

 

- Sithis is a stuck-up <snip>.

 

- Night Mother is no better.

 

- Mehrunes Dagon is a loser. Same for his gang of pinky-crazy bandits.

 

- Things that are most fun to do are mostly connected with theft or murder. I bet there are cleptomaniacs and mass murderers in the developers' team.

 

- I love mods. Three years of it.

 

- No matter how game makers abuse it, I won't stop being interested in vampirism. Though that was a hard test.

[MidbossVyers]

Mass murder can be payed off with a fine.

[Pushkatu]

I learned that:

 

- people never run fast or at all becouse they might fall into the textures of thier world

 

- once I'm the boss of a guild there realy ins't anything to do, just chill

 

- I can use cheats to get what ever the "hick" I want to have

 

- I can drink as much beer as I want without ever getting drunk

 

- young "people" are a rare thing in video games

 

- I can decapitate someone then be arested by that someone and be sent to jail

 

- cats and lizards are actualy humanoid creatures

 

- i play to much(better said, used to play to much):blush:

[scrivener07]

- I learned I spend as much time fixing oblivion as I do playing it

[MexicoWolf]

-you can attack someone, yield to them, and they'll leave you alone.

 

-guards can talk to you when they're dead.

 

-it is impossible to kick anyone.

 

-when you're the madgod of the shivering isles, your guards still want to arrest you.

 

-your apprentices still treat you like a noob when you're head of the mages guild

[The_Vyper]

If you join a guild of assassins, you can get promoted very quickly.

 

Anyone can learn Alchemy and make a lot of money from it, yet some don't even try. They just ask you for money.

 

Argonians can speak easily understandable Cyrodiilic, even though their mouths aren't made for it.

 

If you're wearing cheap wood armor, you can easily defeat some one using the finest polished ebony armor (read The Armorer's Challenge).

 

You shouldn't go finishing. If you manage to catch anything, it will try to bite you.

 

You are the only person who can enter the Shivering Isles and not return as a complete nut job.

 

The Ents left Middle Earth for the Shivering Isles. And they don't like you.

 

Land Drueghs are also called "Billies". No one (in Cyrodiil) knows why.

 

Some rich guy will pay you 10,000 gold to find a set of statues, but won't give a single coin to a beggar.

 

Headless zombies can still moan. Makes you wonder which end that sound actually comes from.

 

You will never see zombified Argonians or Khajiit. (without mods)

 

You will never see the animated skeletons of Argonians or Khajiit. (without mods)

 

Animated skeletons sound like snakes.

 

There is no such thing as a tornado. Or hurricane/typhoon.

 

Cyrodiil is geologically stable. There are no earthquakes.

 

Goblins are alcoholics.

 

There are no cows in Cyrodiil, but people know how pregnant ones move. Apparently, they move like you do.

 

According to some, Argonians make fine boots.

 

A Khajiit will wear fur armor.

 

Despite looking like an Argonian, Dar Jee is a Khajiit.

 

Weeban-Na knows a guy who, before he was run out of town, used to serve these fine rat delicacies: Rats in a Cream Sauce, Rat Flambe, Rat Necrom with Bonemeal Gravy, Deep-Fried Rat, Lemon Rat and Wild Rice, Rat Ragu with Powdered Deer...you don't want to know.

 

Borba gra-Uzgash retired from adventuring, despite the fact that it pays a bit more than five gold a year (which is apparently more than most Cheydinhal merchants make).

 

Your voice will not change with age. You will sound exactly the same at age 65 as you do at age 15.

 

Mannimarco does not look like a Lich.

 

Archmages sometimes commit suicide.

 

Leyawiin is, perhaps, not the best place to live if you are a racist.

 

Farwil Indarys is an idiot and and a compulsive liar.

 

Never invoke the wrath of an Orc who wants to be a knight.

 

If a building catches on fire, no one will attempt to put it out.

 

No matter how badly the inside of a building is burning, the outside will remain unscathed.

 

Valen Dreth is a truly horrible criminal. Since the sentence for murder is 10 days, Dreth must have done something really bad to warrant an eleven year sentence.

 

You will see plenty of ships docked, but never see one sailing.

 

Rumors are created by a scary man named Lucien LeChance.

 

The Night Mother cannot be harmed.

 

Glarthir is seriously disturbed.

 

Despite the fact that you can hear birds in a forest, you will never see one. They are totally invisible, even to Detect Life.

 

Mountain Lions aren't only found in mountains.

 

It is possible to survive being shot it the eye with an arrow at point-blank range.

 

The people of Cyrodiil are in a state of denial: The Emperor and his heirs have been murdered, Oblivion Gates are opening all over the place and Daedra have bee sighted in the wilderness, yet everybody keeps talking about how disgusting Mudcrabs are. Get your priorities straight, people!

 

You can carry 200 pounds of stuff and still run at top speed without tiring. If you start jumping, though, you will get exhausted.

 

You can carry one pound below your encumbrance limit and still move around without a problem. But you'll be unable to move if you pick up that amulet lying at your feet.

 

Bandits will chase you into a city, fully aware that there are lots of guards there waiting to kill them.

 

Bandits think arrows can be launched into their friends by "the wind".

 

Everyone in Cyrodiil is profoundly stupid sometimes.

 

The Imperial legion has no idea how to maintain forts.

 

The Ayleids only had two architectural styles: one for underground constructs and one for those aboveground.

 

The Ayleids built over 50 underground installations, but only one city aboveground.

 

Cyrodiil is composed of karst topography.

 

Argonians sometimes have odd names: Hauls-ropes-faster, Tooth-in-the-sea, Runs-in-circles.

 

The Fighters Guild is not a bad place to work, if you've got the stones for it.

 

The Arena isn't faked.

 

Archmage Traven is the first to take a harsh stance against necromancy.

 

The Emperor is a creepy old man who dreams about you.

 

The Septims are the only Imperials with unique voices. No wonder the Mythic Dawn had no trouble tracking them down.

 

No one talks about the weather.

 

You can plant and harvest crops all year long.

 

Farmers of Cyrodiil are really laid back. They don't mind if you come onto their property and take all of their crops.

 

Shadowbanish Wine is pretty rare.

 

The Count of Skingrad enjoys the night life.

 

Despite their name, Necromancers are not very romantic.

 

You do not want to live anywhere near Ancotar. You really don't. That guy is a bit...off.

 

When you murder someone, the Dark brotherhood visits you in your sleep. It's how they recruit new members.

 

There is a...connection between Argonians and the Dark Brotherhood.

 

Syndicates of wizards are leading a boycott of Imperial goods in the land of the Altmer.

 

Mankar Camoran is a complete loon.

 

During a thunderstorm, lightning will never strike.

 

Trees cannot be set ablaze.

 

You can set someone on fire underwater, if you use a "touch" spell.

 

Rain cannot put out a fire. If you don't believe me, just ask the citizens of Kvatch.

 

The Shade of the Revenant occurs every eight days.

 

The Gray Fox is not gray. Or a fox.

 

Vampires have no immunity to weapons and require no special method to kill.

 

It's very easy to "steal" the staff of Hronmir if you are the Archmage.

 

Considering that they are the Emperor's personal body guards, the Blades aren't the bad-ass warriors you would expect.

 

If you kill a fellow guildmate, you will be expelled from that guild. If one of your fellow guildmates kills another, they will face no consequences.

 

If you kill a random, non-hostile person while undetected, you will not get a murder bounty. If you kill a random guard undetected, you will get a murder bounty.

 

Dead bodies disappear after three days.

 

Cyrodiil is heavily unionized. If you clear a bandit/marauder/vampire/necromancer/conjurer/goblin lair of everyone and everything in it, the related union (bandit/marauder/vampire/necromancer/conjurer/goblin) will have it "staffed" again within three days.

 

Goblins are the only union members that will fight each other without being hit by a Frenzy spell. Bandits won't fight bandits, marauders won't fight marauders etc.

 

All of the unions (bandit/marauder/vampire/necromancer/conjurer/goblin) individually outnumber the Imperial Legion. The only reason the Legion is not completely overwhelmed by them is that they are too busy warring with each other.

 

There is very little animal variety in Cyrodiil.

 

The Mages Guild runs more or less like it used to, although things are a bit more structured.

 

One does not simply walk into Oblivion. Unless one just happens to be the Player.

 

Despite being the Daedric Prince of Destruction, Mehrunes Dagon's only form of attack against men and mer is to stomp on them.

 

Spider Daedra are fast.

 

No matter how much fire resistance you have, it won't protect you from lava.

 

When it comes to magic, resistance is futile! (unless you have the Gray Aegis)

 

Wood Elves are fond of sweetrolls. And Grand Champions.

 

Orinthal is full of interesting Facts. For instance, did you know that the Gatekeeper had only a three percent chance of failing?

 

Gloorolros has a preoccupation with...umm...sticks.

 

The world is ending, and we can't do anything about it. Once you accept that, you'll be at peace.

 

I have learned way too much from Oblivion.

[Allana68]

My Khajiit character can run around totally naked and no one is shocked but stealing a apple is crime punishabled by death (maybe I shouldn't resist arrest :wink: ) :blink:

[MarcusValerius]

No one is scared if you run around in full Daedric Armor

 

You can go on for days without sleeping

 

...or you can sleep for weeks...

 

You fix leather gear hammering it, and the hammer breaks

 

Actually, you repair anything beating it savagely with your hammers

 

What's the point in locking your house if anyone can search barrels and crates for lockpicks and easily pick the lock with a minigame?

 

When you kill a creature, you take a piece of it as a splatter-gore souvenir.

 

People like you after a cycle of jokes and threats and admiration and boast.

 

No one buy stolen goods, because of that red hand that mysteriously get impressed on them.

 

There are no cats because the rats killed them all. Come on, look at those rats...

 

You can actually fail in picking a flower

 

The thief number one role: when backstabbing, use only one hand

 

Owned beds are sealed by a mysterious force

 

You are going to save the world, but if you need something you must pay full price nonetheless.

 

.... but Baurus is the best: "Ok, save us, go find Jauffre...Hey, gimme that katana! You can't take it!"