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The $US280 "Gamer" Network Card


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A company called "Bigfoot Networks" is developing a UDP-focused network card with a built-in packet scheduler that runs Linux. The problems?

  • The entire card was planned and built around marketing offering "x-treme gaming performance."
  • At $US280, it costs much, much more than an equivalent network card and much better router --- and even somewhat more than an equivalent netword card and a full-size Linux computer with dual 10/100 ports.

Their solution? Pile on even more marketing hype!

 

Bigfoot is now claiming that the "Killer" NIC can magically alter the routing path that your packets take to lessen ping times, and will hack into your ISP's routers to change your downstream packet queue. But wait, that's not all! They're also touting the fact that their network card can run network-capable applications, even giving this "new breed" of computer program a spiffy acronym --- FNapp. Rolls right off your tongue, doesn't it? What does this mean in English, though? What are the end-user benefits? Why, Bigfoot is glad you asked:

 

With Killer’s Flexible Network Architecture (FNATM) you can literally run a Linux command prompt in a window on your gaming PC... This command prompt interface is a Flexible Network Application (FNapp)...

It's Telnet!

 

...So then why is this product being marketed in the first place? What redeeming qualities could it possibly have to counterbalance its tremendous failures? Who would buy such a godawful contraption? Well, I'll let Bigfoot answer that question:

 

PingThrottle, which allows gamers to adjust their ping for fair play reasons...

True, artificially raising one's ping has been a known method that cheaters use to exploit netcode built to be more forgiving to modem users in certain situations, but there's no way that this card was built solely for the purpose of advertising an unfair advantage to people that can't compete well in online games...

 

Bigfoot Networks is dedicated to fighting Lag in online games, which we define as anything bad that happens in a game that is out of the gamer’s control...

 

We designed the Killer for those gamers that care about winning, that care about being the best. With the Killer, your ping will be even lower. So, if you turn the corner and spot your enemy you will have more of an edge with Killer than without...

 

Winning is everything, especially in online gaming.

...Well, there you have it. This truly is a bold new direction in computer hardware.

 

Tune in next month, and I'll have the whitepapers for a serial port amplifier that'll make that really cute girl in Algebra class go out with you!

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