Common Courtesy

[grannywils]

Sadly, it was never all that common to begin with. As a species, we have collectively spent more time and effort in just the past 300 years killing, enslaving, raping, stealing, and oppressing each other than we have spent trying to respect and help each other on the whole. Sure, among members of our own social groups and communities we may have been courteous, but against anyone who was not part of that group for one reason or another, we've been down right brutal. I would argue that the problem is not that we are becoming more rude in the broad sense, but rather that our social "preferred" groups have become smaller and more restrictive as out "merely tolerated" group has expanded. What I mean is that most of what we consider as Common Courtesy has always been restricted to those within a similar group to ourselves by means of; religion, nationality, ethnicity, sexual preference, political ties, locality. In a sense, common, not because it is shared universally, but that it only exists between persons of common background. And with it becoming harder to determine ingroup members from outgroup ones, our civility becomes more restricted to those we have already had a chance to know. The big problem is that as the "preferred" group becomes more restrictive and less open to assumption, people grow out of the habit of being friendly to others, and become more focused on ensuring their own interests are met as they themselves are the only one they can often rely on.

 

I,unfortunately, am in total accord with this assessment, Vagrant. Please see my other thread, "What are we all afraid of?"

[Vagrant0]

I,unfortunately, am in total accord with this assessment, Vagrant. Please see my other thread, "What are we all afraid of?"

Offhand, I'd say it has to do with the unknown and the staggering amount of people who are only looking out for their own interests and only refrain from stealing, beating, raping, and murdering so long as they themselves are afraid of the consequences. This is why the stereotypical mafia guy character is so endearing. Up front they're well dressed, smooth talking, but out back they're breaking your legs, chopping off fingers, and have a loaded gun in your mouth ready to pull the trigger the moment you scream. Everyone can relate with it as "just business" because of just how honest it all is. It's nothing personal, nothing which is likely to change, but is just a matter of course in dealing with eachother.

 

On a lighter note, it's the same reason why you don't share more than 5 words with the person at the drive-thru window unless you're placing an order or they made a mistake (despite the fact that you know the person by both name and face because you're always eating out). Sure, it could be that bit of self-consciousness that tells you that people behind you want their food, but the other part is that you really don't want to get on friendly terms with those people and screw up a mutually beneficial relationship. It's the same reason why you don't make passes on your server until after your food has arrived (and you've decided that you won't be coming back for atleast 6-8 months).

 

Simply put, there is safety and security in keeping others just beyond arms length just as there is comfort and support by keeping them close. The problem is everywhere in between where things often go horribly wrong.

Edited October 26, 2010 by Vagrant0

[grannywils]

Again Vagrant0 I find myself agreeing with you. However, only partially this time. I think your reasoning is spot on, but I do believe that we as individuals can amend our behavior fairly easily, whether it be toward the drive through person or the neighbor down the street who may happen to be a differnt color or religion or whatever. Since we as individuals can only be responsible for ourselves and cannot "change the world", I believe that taking this kind of "baby step" becomes more and more important as we see the hatred and violence building up around us. We need to be willing to take these small chances and not fear these differences. Let's get out of our comfort zones, at least just a little.

[Aranox]

I'm courtious with just about anyone I meet, I find it the best way to start a new friendship. In my life, I was never treated with the respect I wanted and most of that extends from my childhood. It is my personal Philosophy to be on everyones goodside (Although I don't kiss up), and try to make their days as good as possible. I'm a very kind hearted soul and I always will be; there's too much grief in the world for me to add to it...

 

 

Same here... I wasnt always so friendly though, had a rough childhood, but when people started really helping me with my problems I thought of it just being normal that I returned the favor by doing my best to be nice.

I kept this going from age 14 till today, and I intend to keep it up. when I watch some people closely, I notice that people (in my country) tend to be very rude and just outright arrogant (not always, but the people of my age are pretty much like = you either like me or hate me), but I keep forcing myself to see the good in people, which makes being friendly much more bearable because keeping this up in a society where 18 year-olds (mostly foreigners, we really have a problem with them because they grew up in a society where the man has to prove his strength and dominate women, but offcourse theyre not all bad ) just call you names and beat you up is pretty hard at times :P

Its not always this way though, mostly in the years I had a hard time myself, but everything keeps getting better everyday.

however, about the common courtesy, I understand all your points, but even if I dont see people doing it, I wont stop being polite :D

[TheCalliton]

I,unfortunately, am in total accord with this assessment, Vagrant. Please see my other thread, "What are we all afraid of?"

Offhand, I'd say it has to do with the unknown and the staggering amount of people who are only looking out for their own interests and only refrain from stealing, beating, raping, and murdering so long as they themselves are afraid of the consequences. This is why the stereotypical mafia guy character is so endearing. Up front they're well dressed, smooth talking, but out back they're breaking your legs, chopping off fingers, and have a loaded gun in your mouth ready to pull the trigger the moment you scream. Everyone can relate with it as "just business" because of just how honest it all is. It's nothing personal, nothing which is likely to change, but is just a matter of course in dealing with eachother.

 

On a lighter note, it's the same reason why you don't share more than 5 words with the person at the drive-thru window unless you're placing an order or they made a mistake (despite the fact that you know the person by both name and face because you're always eating out). Sure, it could be that bit of self-consciousness that tells you that people behind you want their food, but the other part is that you really don't want to get on friendly terms with those people and screw up a mutually beneficial relationship. It's the same reason why you don't make passes on your server until after your food has arrived (and you've decided that you won't be coming back for atleast 6-8 months).

 

Simply put, there is safety and security in keeping others just beyond arms length just as there is comfort and support by keeping them close. The problem is everywhere in between where things often go horribly wrong.

tis pretty sad

though i agree, i wish it wasnt so true

[McclaudEagle]

As generations pass, language changes. I believe that technology is one of the many reasons as to why we have changed. The United Kingdom was once seen as a pinnacle of politeness, sadly, that has long gone. In general, much of the older generations remain to be polite, however, the younger generation like myself have become more and more hostile with words.

 

Where I went to school, swearing, insults, racism, etc was very bad. You couldn't go anywhere without hearing at least one person swearing. The term, "Broken Britain" is becoming more and more of a reality. This is also happening all over the world. I am polite to anyone who deserves it. I respect others who have earned it.

 

Now, I can't say I'm perfect. I'm known to swear when I'm angry, I'm also known to insult others. However, I do regret it afterwards. Some of that can be blamed on my current state of mind.

 

I used to have a friend who would shout racist comments down the street or insult an elderly woman as she walked past. Sadly, I learned to put up with it, mostly because at the time, I couldn't afford to lose another friends. However, to this day, I'd rather spend a day with a group of elderly people than 2 seconds with a racist.

[Stryfe23]

Playing devil's advocate here...

 

I'm strongly inclined to prefer vulgar, rude, language as opposed to smug, warm, censorship in the guise of politeness.

 

If it offends thine ears, grow a thicker skull, or develop a better psychological filter.

 

"Garbage in, garbage out" goes the saying.

 

I haven't been back in a while, but it appears the "debate" section has locked almost any topic that would make people angry.

[AliasTheory]

As generations pass, language changes. I believe that technology is one of the many reasons as to why we have changed.

I definitely agree. It is only a recent ability that people able to converse with each other with such great speed. We can send a message of text just like this across the world in mere seconds, or we can convenient travel to the other side of the world in no more than a day. Technology is tying everyone closer together and physical boundaries are closing.

 

Racist...a word that has such a negative connotation. Don't want to start talking about it in this topic at least, but as I think I mentioned before, we're getting better as a whole.

 

I rarely swear. I have to be super angry to do so, and I don't remember the last time I have...but when I do, I apologize. :)

[Burnagirl]

Well my take on this is as follows ... "common courtesy" is just the same as "common sense", it aint so common ...

[Aranox]

Well my take on this is as follows ... "common courtesy" is just the same as "common sense", it aint so common ...

 

This :P