TES Story W.I.P

[MovingSalad]

Hello all, I have been working on this small piece of literature based in the elder scrolls universe, it's a work in progress, obviosuly, so more will come. Please tell me what you think of my work so far.

 

 

TITLE: Untitled, I don't have a name yet, unforunatly.

 

 

A heavy knock was heard on the large, oaken doors of Brightstone Manor, ten kilometers southwest of the shady town Bravil. The servant, Dandre, a Breton, made his way down the curved staircase and on to the foyer. Another knock on the door resounded and the butler quickened his pace across the floor to open the large doors. A finely garbed High Elf stood outside on the cobblestone road with a smirk on his face. “What would a noble be doing knocking on manor doors at this hour?” said Dandre in a bored tone.

 

“To discuss underground business” The High Elf said with a hint of memorization in his voice.

 

Dandre sighed and let the elf in and promptly shut the door behind him. He then led the High Elf up the stairs and into a large dining room with several decorative ornate blades adorning the sides of the walls. Dandre then pulled a chair from the table indicating that the elf sat here. Once the High Elf was seated Dandre then left the room, leaving the high elf alone for the time being.

 

A short while after a sharp rapping sound was heard on the doors, as if something metallic was being banged against the beautifully carved doors. Dandre, who was nearby straightening paintings ceased his cleaning to open the door. A heavyset Wood Elf with a thick, blonde goatee and long, thick hair greeted the servant with a wave of his hand and walked right in, shoving Dandre to the side.

 

“This way, master Golonoth” Dandre said with dripping sarcasm. Once Golonoth, the portly wood elf was seated beside the forever smirking high elf. Once again another knock was heard on the door and Dandre sighed in frustration as he walked down the flight of stairs for the third time.

 

This time when Dandre opened the door he was greeted by 3 more guests, all of which came on horses. Dandre poked his head outside the manor and quickly said “What would nobles such as yourselves knocking on manor doors at this time of night?”

 

All three said in unison “To discuss underground business.” All 5 were led into the dining room where they were seated and told to wait patiently as the master of the manor prepared to make an audience with the rest of the guests. One of the newcomers was a tall, long haired Redguard named Sten, he looked like a fighter, but he wore fancy green silk garments. The second newcomer was a skinny, sunken eyed Breton that wore a grey robe. The Breton’s name was Samuel Laroise, but all referred to him as shady Sam. The last newcomer was a tall, lean muscled Imperial of about forty to forty-five years of age. The Imperial had Graying hair and stubble around his face. He wore an expensive red shirt and silk pants. The Redguard Sten and the cocky HighElf Huwen talked chatted lots while the others talked little.

 

“So Sten, How are things going in the Black marsh, I trust the circumstances there are perfect to sell our..merchandise to!” hurwen exclaimed.

 

“Oh yes, things are going great for me. I have even purchased a large plot of land there. And of course I am not even going to ask how you have been.”

[Malchik]

It's not really enough yet to have an opinion on the merit of the story line. I have PMd you on some of the stylistic matters but we need more to make any sensible comments.

[MovingSalad]

Alright, I have read over what you have told me, Malchik and I am currently making the story much less linear, and I am very pleased with how it looks. When I have fully edited the events that have passed, I will update here.