Need help with my social graces

[Sorgren]

Ok, first of all I want to make clear that I have a life outside of the internets, and that I am neither fat or ugly, but I lack many social graces, I won´t go much in detail, but I want to have more charisma, I want to know how to sell myself to women, the dominant kind of women, those that are proud and selfish, and heartbroken (bad relationship, since then she made clear that she wishes to die as a virgin and that she is sexually frigid, she also says that she doesn´t want to love anymore and she lost her trust in everything).

she doesn´t even give me a chance and asks why I still insist, we are good friends, but I kinda f*** it up for both of us every time I make clear my intentions, I just want her to love me back, I have become depressed and it makes things worse, I want to be vibrant again, every time I speak to her by chat she´s like, oh no, here he comes, this is gonna be a long and boring day, I mean things are boring between eachother and I don´t know what to do with her as a friend when we go out together, I need to sort of entertain her.

Please recomend me things like dating sims, sex sims, books, movies, porn (she recommended me porn after having sex roleplay with me, she noticed that I am unerotic), manga doujins, female advice, roleplay maybe. Anything, just train me up a little bit, if you want to speak with me we can speak by pm or by msn messenger, I want to know how to treat people correctly because I only think of myself all the time, I want to know how to entertain.

[WastelandAssassin]

wow, that should be an interesting topic (no sarcasm, i really mean it)

 

now, i may be young, and inexperienced, but if i've learned a few things in life, it's that you should always be yourself, and shouldn't try to be someone else

also, you should be true to your heart

 

i know the type of girls that had their hearts broken, and they seem to fall in love all too easily at times

if she isn't as naive as a teenager, than she probably thinks that all men are the same, and doesn't want to fall in love, to not get hurt again

all you really need to do, is show her that you have no intention of hurting her

 

if your intention is to have a sexual relationship with her, and nothing beyond, than i would suggest you stay away

if, however, you want a romantic relationship with her, than by all means let her know

maybe tell her what you really feel about her, why she is so great, and why you wouldn't hurt her

 

again, i may be young and inexperienced, but this is what i have learned

of course, the problem is keeping the spark up

in chatting and such, this would probably be really hard

but when you are with her, and not just talking, this shouldn't be too hard, as long as you follow your heart, and not think with your sausage :biggrin:

 

as for books and such, can't say i know of many

you may want to look at some romantic comedies (unlike what people may think, these aren't "chick flicks", and you should be able to enjoy them)

as for porn and such, i wouldn't go there

the problem with it is that's it's usually unemotional and unpassionate, so all you would learn is how to be a selfish f***er

don't really think that you should watch anything

 

however, there is one thing that you may want to try

imagine that you won her over, and try to imagine what you would do together

imagine a romantic coupling, not just meaningless sex

if you figure out what you are expecting for, maybe this will set your mind on it, and you wouldn't be afraid to show it to her :biggrin:

 

you may want to wait for some female advice as well, but i think you could find some wisdom jewels from what i've written

 

good luck (try to convince yourself that you wouldn't need any luck)

and have a great new year

[Sorgren]

Thanks, that´s actually some good advice, now some info that I picked up from the internet suggests to me that females are more complex with their senses then males (and she must have realized I was in a depression and perhaps that´s why she didn´t say anything), and that they are also human beings, I forgot being fun with her, I was always so sloppy and depressed that I talked her out of being a friend at all, she doesn´t even speak to me that much and I sometimes feel ashamed of saying hello to her everytime she logs on, I was only going on about my failures and I imagine how hard it must have been for her to listen me through, I will compensate her by being a more dedicated lover and friend, I will take her somewhere soon, and next time she logs on I will ask her to play WoW with me (we are both huge WoW fans, and I was ruining all the epic atmosphere with my paranoid behaviour, but now I will take her on a quest and see if we can do something together, that´s actually going to be my first step to make things better, perhaps this is the chance that she isn´t giving me because it´s readily there)

Now I need some advice on what to tell her, I don´t want to all suddenly act normal and ignore my mistakes, I want to apologize but without it sounding awkward to her.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Sorgren

[TheCalliton]

i dont wanna sound like a total jerk, but its kind of pathetic that you are resorting to us for help on something you dont need help with.

if you try to "alter" your social graces, you will not be yourself anymore! And to seek out women is to never find. PATIENCE will bring all you ever need and want. But patience needs some assistance, namely trying! You might just be in the wrong place at the wrong time for finding a woman

[Sorgren]

i dont wanna sound like a total jerk, but its kind of pathetic that you are resorting to us for help on something you dont need help with.

if you try to "alter" your social graces, you will not be yourself anymore! And to seek out women is to never find. PATIENCE will bring all you ever need and want. But patience needs some assistance, namely trying! You might just be in the wrong place at the wrong time for finding a woman

I don´t want to alter them, I want to make them better, I am still going to be myself, all I need is advice on how to treat women correctly, how not to mistreat them, because men usually don´t notice or notice too late when they are doing something wrong, females are far more sensitive and it requires skill to handle them correctly, and patience alone won´t get you anywhere, you need imagination and creativity, not patience.

[TheCalliton]

well, if you just need girl help, send me a pm, i have a girlfriend who has divulged quite a bit of stuff to me

[Balagor]

Be who you are, it is as simple as that. To find out who you are, that takes a lot of listening :wink:

[Sorgren]

well, if you just need girl help, send me a pm, i have a girlfriend who has divulged quite a bit of stuff to me

Hey, thanks, but I can´t send you pm, it says you can´t receive any pm

 

@Be who you are, it is as simple as that. To find out who you are, that takes a lot of listening

But I am being myself always, it´s just the way I behaved was weak, I now realized my mistake, she gave me chances again and again, infact every time I speak to her is an opportunity, but instead of spending time having fun with her I left her cold everytime with my depression, and she could have told me, but she didn´t, she owes me a lot of patience from many favours I did for her and her mother, I suppose she didn´t want to be rude and just remained silent, if she told me earlier then this would never have happened. I must find a way to apologize without sounding weird, because I actually didn´t do anything bad, but I dissapointed her every time I had a chance to speak with her, I wasn´t a friend, I was nobody, and she expected a lot more from me, because once things were going ok between us.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Sorgren

[WastelandAssassin]

Thanks, that´s actually some good advice, now some info that I picked up from the internet suggests to me that females are more complex with their senses then males (and she must have realized I was in a depression and perhaps that´s why she didn´t say anything), and that they are also human beings, I forgot being fun with her, I was always so sloppy and depressed that I talked her out of being a friend at all, she doesn´t even speak to me that much and I sometimes feel ashamed of saying hello to her everytime she logs on, I was only going on about my failures and I imagine how hard it must have been for her to listen me through, I will compensate her by being a more dedicated lover and friend, I will take her somewhere soon, and next time she logs on I will ask her to play WoW with me (we are both huge WoW fans, and I was ruining all the epic atmosphere with my paranoid behaviour, but now I will take her on a quest and see if we can do something together, that´s actually going to be my first step to make things better, perhaps this is the chance that she isn´t giving me because it´s readily there)

Now I need some advice on what to tell her, I don´t want to all suddenly act normal and ignore my mistakes, I want to apologize but without it sounding awkward to her.

 

that is true the women are complex with emotions and all, but you can be just the same

men just usually aren't this connected to their emotions, or let them take control as much as women do (which sometimes is a very good thing, and in other times very bad)

 

the trick (at least in my mind) is to know this, but not act as if this is true

i mean, you want to care about her emotions, but you don't want to be annoying

it's just like everything in life: you need to find balance, and maintain it

 

other than that, you need to learn to speak with her, but also listen to her

let her know that you are there for her, that you can be a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on (this will take time, but it's very important)

just remember, you need to be a friend before a lover

 

and if WoW is something you have in common, why not use this??

start by hanging out with her in your little virtual world, and just be friendly and caring

 

one last advice, and this is something i learned personally, is that if she finds another man before you two go serious, you need to still be a friend, and be happy for her

it's really hard to see your love with another man, but if she knows you love her, and you are still able to be her friend, and even be a friend of her new lover, her esteem for you will grow substantially

and i'm sure that you know that it's better to have her as a friend, than to lose her for good

 

so keep this in mind when you get close to her, because if you go too far too soon, you may just lose her, and you may not be able to put the pieces back together

 

good luck, and just try being yourself, and not think about this too much

let your heart lead you, and you will be just fine :thumbsup:

[DeadMansFist849]

Don't panic--remember, she's a normal person, just like you. Guys ask "How do I talk to girls?!" as if girls are aliens or something. Well, you just need to remember to be polite and honest, really. :) So, be yourself, really. I have to actually remember to make eye contact and watch my body language so I don't look defensive etc.