Defining Masculinity, Femininity and Insecurity

[WarRatsG]

I have this theory about masculine and feminine behavior. They are not confined to either gender (although it is more pronounced in one or the other, and is therefore named for its association rather than cause), and to be completely lacking in either one would make you a horrible person.

Thing is, we know masculinity and femininity when we see them, but it's very hard to figure out what is the elemental component that each type of behavior shares. Take masculinity for instance: all the obsession with sports and being (or looking) fit, that's about displaying strength. The whole idea of dominance is about showing that you cannot be beaten. Being protective (not necessarily restrictive) is often thought of as manly.

So in reality, masculinity is a measure of how capable you are of resisting a negative influence on your state of being, and by extension that of those you care about. In a similar way, feminine behaviors are about enhancing a positive influence on your state of being and that of those you care about. Think about it. Which gender tends to be more emotionally stable? Which tends to be more playful?

Any behavior that is enacted to prove you are a man (or an adult in general) only proves that you are not. An adult does not have to prove it, you only stop being a child when you stop trying to show everyone you're not. So all these competitive behaviors you see from people, the bullying and such, they're just ways to hide their own insecurities. Their insecurities cause them to make others look worse so that they themselves look better by comparison.

The other way to do it is to bury the inadequacies, and pretend to yourself and everyone else that they don't exist. Many people use both ways simultaneously. And so they are playing this game of pretending to be perfect.

Consider the pseudo/hyper-masculine behaviors and sentiments that arise everywhere these days. "Real men are impervious to alcohol". "Real men have no time for weakness." These are very corrupted extrapolations (made mostly by media and perpetuated by society) that are meant to imply you cannot be hurt, which means that you can protect those around us. As you probably realise, alcohol does not make you dependable, nor does it affect your Y chromosome, your testosterone levels nor the length of your penis. So the way to achieve masculinity? There isn't one. You can put whatever labels you like on yourself, at the end of the day you're just you. The day people stop pretending that isn't true, this world will be a much more beautiful place to live.

I'd love to hear what you think about this. It's a sentiment I've always danced around but never been able to articulate, and I really feel like I'm on to something.



On a side note, if anyone out there is suffering from insecurity about themselves, I'd ask what is it your hiding? Why do you feel that this aspect of you is not good enough?

For instance, if your answer is something to the tune of "It's not manly enough" or "It's childish", who is it that you are comparing yourself to? Who is the exemplar adult? Do they actually exist?

Then ask who is the exemplar child? Well if you don't feel like the adult, then you must be the child. But what is it that makes the child? What is it about you that you are hiding? Is it the person you really are?

Is it You?

What is You? Is You an adult? Is You a child? How does You know? Do you see how everything You knows comes from lots of other Yous playing the same game of pretending you don't exist?

If your sense of inadequacy makes you feel bad, then this is why. It's because this sense of inadequacy creates a state of thinking, a state of depression, in which lacks any self-appreciation and is out to destroy itself. Depression is literally self-destruction.

The key word here is Self. The Self is a construct our mind uses to represent itself. What you want is a new representation of you. A representation where those inadequacies become flaws. You see, an inadequate perspective says that your state of existence is not good enough, that it is an undesirable way to be. A flawed perspective is simply flawed. And even then, what is a flaw? It's just a crack in the facade. It's just a reminder to everyone that You is still in there, playing its games. The imperfections are what make you different, and your difference is your identity.

Since we have nothing else to do but play this game, we may as well play it for all it's worth. We should all make the game interesting and fun to play, and help the Yous who aren't having as much fun. And so by becoming aware that it's just a game, it becomes possible to appreciate the game for what it is - to truly enjoy it, to turn work into play, to live up the illusion. The conclusion is underwhelming simple. Either you live your life constantly chasing someone else's idea of perfection, or you are at peace. Stop succeeding and start living.

Edited December 14, 2015 by WarRatsG

[SilverTaco]

What defines masculine and feminine is greatly influenced by culture, religion/ideology even in linguistics.

- Like the list above that you expose your own belief in what is defined as M or F.

 

If I where to use your analogy "The game"; The game is a open sandbox of hundreds of different gamers in which "the game" isn't defined but a interpretation done by the players. The players therefor define the supposed "flaw" within "the game" and the standards of M and F, but as the players don't have the same measurement nor the same definition of "flaw" - making "the game" undefined in a intercultural zone like lets say the internet.