Soulmates

[BlackBaron2]

Well, everyone's responses have been interesting so far.

 

I still remain unconvinced that there is one person who is a perfect match (note, not perfect person) for me. I do have someone with whom I feel profound compatibility, so I'm also not the stereotype of someone who doesn't believe in Hollywood love as "bitter and alone". It could be that I'll meet several other people who make me feel similar. I'm happy, and I just don't feel like applying certain terms to my life, because they imply I believe things that I do not. "Soulmates" requires belief in predestination, and "The One" is the same, but even more problematic, IMO.

[myrmaad]

Predestination?

 

I don't think it needs to be so literal.

 

It could simply be descriptive, "soulmates, true love, twin souls, split aparts".. and the concept has been around since the human heart.

[BlackBaron2]

"Split apart"? Why would I use that and suggest that I'm not a whole person in my own right? I don't use terms like "other half"/"better half" either because I'm a whole person and absolutely nothing can take that away.

[Nintii]

 

I still remain unconvinced that there is one person who is a perfect match (note, not perfect person) for me. I do have someone with whom I feel profound compatibility, so I'm also not the stereotype of someone who doesn't believe in Hollywood love as "bitter and alone". It could be that I'll meet several other people who make me feel similar. I'm happy, and I just don't feel like applying certain terms to my life, because they imply I believe things that I do not. "Soulmates" requires belief in predestination, and "The One" is the same, but even more problematic, IMO.

 

 

Predestination ... well an interesting choice of a word indeed.

 

Do you believe in the end of the world in 2012 or some other "prophecy" by nostradamus or someone else ? ... If so, then "predestination" shouldn't be that difficult, because it's exactly the same thing.

If you can believe that something is going to happen with no evidence, no absolute proof, then believing that a special someone will enter your life shouldn't be that difficult or far fetched either because both

rely on a faith in something unseen.

See, many of you do actually believe in what you cannot see.

I'm ending it there, please no religious discussion ... thanks.

[BlackBaron2]

Nope, I don't believe in 2012 or other prophecies. I'm one of those people who likes concrete evidence.

[myrmaad]

As I said, the concept doesn't need to be so literal.

 

And Baron, I think it's a mistake to simply write off mythic archetypes. They are valuable without the need to be literal. It's the concept and shared human experience that lends these archetypes their value.

 

Furthermore, it almost sounded like some kind of reverse judgmental pronouncement there for a moment. People who use terms like "better half" are honoring their most prized and valued relationship, which I think is the most honorable thing a loving person can do. If you're going to choose commitment, you'd better honor it.

 

If you don't choose commitment that's your business, as long as all parties involved are in agreement up front.

 

But a person who chooses commitment and doesn't honor it, I'm too polite in mixed company to say exactly what I think of such a person.

[BlackBaron2]

As I said, the concept doesn't need to be so literal.

 

And Baron, I think it's a mistake to simply write off mythic archetypes. They are valuable without the need to be literal. It's the concept and shared human experience that lends these archetypes their value.

 

Furthermore, it almost sounded like some kind of reverse judgmental pronouncement there for a moment. People who use terms like "better half" are honoring their most prized and valued relationship, which I think is the most honorable thing a loving person can do. If you're going to choose commitment, you'd better honor it.

 

If you don't choose commitment that's your business, as long as all parties involved are in agreement up front.

 

But a person who chooses commitment and doesn't honor it, I'm too polite in mixed company to say exactly what I think of such a person.

 

 

So, you're saying I can't choose commitment because I don't like traditional terminology? You know, I don't have anything against couples who do like to be strictly normative. I don't know why they have something against me, and others like me, who don't choose tradition. I can choose commitment without it being traditional--not every person who is outside of the default group is a commitment-phobe or evil. I see honoring commitment as, well, doing what you say you will and not cheating, not using fancy terminology that you might personally feel uncomfortable with because those words mean different things to different people. I'm not a bad person or commitment-phobic just because I do not believe in someone who is my perfect match. Someone I feel comfortable with and who's nice to be near is fine--he doesn't have to be my duplicate in another body or something like that.

[myrmaad]

If you [universal] don't choose commitment that's your business, as long as all parties involved are in agreement up front.

 

 

So, you're saying I can't choose commitment because I don't like traditional terminology? You know, I don't have anything against couples who do like to be strictly normative. I don't know why they have something against me, and others like me, who don't choose tradition. I can choose commitment without it being traditional--not every person who is outside of the default group is a commitment-phobe or evil. I see honoring commitment as, well, doing what you say you will and not cheating, not using fancy terminology that you might personally feel uncomfortable with because those words mean different things to different people. I'm not a bad person or commitment-phobic just because I do not believe in someone who is my perfect match. Someone I feel comfortable with and who's nice to be near is fine--he doesn't have to be my duplicate in another body or something like that.

 

Don't twist my meaning, I didn't say anything about "you" personally, I didn't say anything like what you're implying. I said exactly what I meant, applying it universally not to you specifically. It's about personal integrity, nothing more and nothing less.

 

I wasn't making a commentary on traditional or non-traditional choices at all.

 

By the way mythic archetypes aren't 'traditional" either, they are prehistoric and part of a common tradition across cultures.

[brokenergy]

1) True, but what's wrong with feeling special about yourself, with all the negativity going on all around us ... we as people need to have a dream, we need to have a hope in this hopeless world and what better hope than one where we take

center stage and our inner most fantasies become alive ... here we are special ... here we as in "I" am loved and wanted ... don't you have that dream to want to feel special too ?

Sometimes, that's all people have to hold on to.

 

It has nothing to do with hopelessness or having the feeling of being special, it really has to do with getting your head around a concept which can have a negative effect. There is no such thing as "the one" or soulmates because frankly I don't believe that one person is the most compatible match. There isn't one person for all, and you can't assume that because I and many others don't believe in such a concept, doesn't mean that we have difficult lives with relationships or are self loathing. This silly concept isn't something that only "women" believe in, men believe it too and I find it pitiful that people make up such ideal when things can change. Eventually your partner might leave because of certain circumstances and people should remember that nothing lasts forever. Expecting it is just imprudent, you need to understand that and all those who believe it are holding on to the last childish thing in their lives.

 

2) If a person is single because they're waiting for Mr Right or Miss Perfect to come along, then they are going to wait a very long time, because those people don't exist ... everyone is flawed, every one has strengths and weaknesses ...

But at the same time we must have a basic set of standards before we get involved, there must be a set of "must have's" and "no no's", a few examples like cleanliness, no violence (from both sides), drug abuse etc.

Then we take it from there ... the way I see things is like this, you first get onto a bike and start peddling before it moves, so pass the yesses and no's and then take it from there.

The problem is this, we as women always tend to look at our partners as construction sites and want to build them up into our image of what we think is the perfect man ... yes, I agree that without us some of them will remain slobs and

untidy and rough and there is a bit of cleaning up to do ... sorry guys ... but then we need to stop and let "their" personalities shine through, and encourage them in their lives.

A woman who feels that she has to control the man in her life to keep him "perfect or ideal" has lost right there and then, because he will break free from her yoke sooner or later, I've seen it happen to others and have done it myself.

 

See point 1.

 

3 - 4) Yes, it is a romaticized viewpoint but it's also a reality, you can make it happen and you can "genuinely" meet the person that will fit all the criteria your heart wants, this "fit" is a soul-mate and it needs work ... like any garden you have

to prune the roses and pluck the weeds ... the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, states that everything is breaking down, so mainenance is in order everywhere.

 

It isn't a reality, you assume that it is. Don't compare something that exists to something that is made up in the mind. It really goes back to point 1.

[myrmaad]

 

1) True, but what's wrong with feeling special about yourself, with all the negativity going on all around us ... we as people need to have a dream, we need to have a hope in this hopeless world and what better hope than one where we take

center stage and our inner most fantasies become alive ... here we are special ... here we as in "I" am loved and wanted ... don't you have that dream to want to feel special too ?

Sometimes, that's all people have to hold on to.

 

It has nothing to do with hopelessness or having the feeling of being special, it really has to do with getting your head around a concept which can have a negative effect. There is no such thing as "the one" or soulmates because frankly I don't believe that one person is the most compatible match. There isn't one person for all, and you can't assume that because I and many others don't believe in such a concept, doesn't mean that we have difficult lives with relationships or are self loathing. This silly concept isn't something that only "women" believe in, men believe it too and I find it pitiful that people make up such ideal when things can change. Eventually your partner might leave because of certain circumstances and people should remember that nothing lasts forever. Expecting it is just imprudent, you need to understand that and all those who believe it are holding on to the last childish thing in their lives.

 

2) If a person is single because they're waiting for Mr Right or Miss Perfect to come along, then they are going to wait a very long time, because those people don't exist ... everyone is flawed, every one has strengths and weaknesses ...

But at the same time we must have a basic set of standards before we get involved, there must be a set of "must have's" and "no no's", a few examples like cleanliness, no violence (from both sides), drug abuse etc.

Then we take it from there ... the way I see things is like this, you first get onto a bike and start peddling before it moves, so pass the yesses and no's and then take it from there.

The problem is this, we as women always tend to look at our partners as construction sites and want to build them up into our image of what we think is the perfect man ... yes, I agree that without us some of them will remain slobs and

untidy and rough and there is a bit of cleaning up to do ... sorry guys ... but then we need to stop and let "their" personalities shine through, and encourage them in their lives.

A woman who feels that she has to control the man in her life to keep him "perfect or ideal" has lost right there and then, because he will break free from her yoke sooner or later, I've seen it happen to others and have done it myself.

 

See point 1.

 

3 - 4) Yes, it is a romaticized viewpoint but it's also a reality, you can make it happen and you can "genuinely" meet the person that will fit all the criteria your heart wants, this "fit" is a soul-mate and it needs work ... like any garden you have

to prune the roses and pluck the weeds ... the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, states that everything is breaking down, so mainenance is in order everywhere.

 

 

It isn't a reality, you assume that it is. Don't compare something that exists to something that is made up in the mind. It really goes back to point 1.

 

• 
   
  
• You can believe in the concept of 'soulmates' without believing in "the one".
   
  
• People who believe they have met "the one" are far more likely to stay in the relationship.
   
  
• Longterm lasting relationships are the ideal. They may not be your personal ideal, but again across cultures lasting relationships are valued most likely because of the sociological, biological, anthropological importance of raising children for the survival of the species.
   
  

 

Any archetype that will support and idealize a stable family is very likely to succeed with humans, since there is also a competing biology to "spread the seed". But the biology is pretty deep, you can reference Helen E. Fisher et al for further cutting edge studies on the biology.

 

Since culture is competing with biology all sorts of behavioral and social norms have been used through custom.

 

Let me quote so I don't have to type it all out myself:

In general, customs regulate the whole social life of man. Law itself cannot cover the whole gamut of social behavior. It is the customary practices that contribute to the harmonious social interactions in a society which normal times of peace and tranquility. The influence of custom, at times, extends beyond one's own community. In certain communities custom determines the relations between two communities at war. The Bedouins of the African desert will never destroy a water-well of the enemy.

 

Some of the customs do not play any role in social control. They just exist because of their ancient nature just as all people bathing in an unhygienic tank or a lake just because of an established religious custom. Even the custom of performing Shradha in India has no meaning if people do not know how to respect what the past has given us as well as accept our moral obligation to the future generations. However, in most of the traditional societies the customary practices are all emptied of their meaning.

 

In brief, although custom is regarded as one of the less formal types of control like public opinion, its influence on social life is very significant as it alone contributes to the textual part of social behavior.

 

So society (even without the specific interference of law) places a lot of restrictions on freedom via what is customary and normative.

 

 

 

 

I have a pet peeve: people always try to over simplify things that are complicated, and tend to complicate things that are actually simple.

 

I don't think the concept of soulmates has much to do with superstition. I think it's a word describing the indescribable feeling that you and your love are so well matched, that you feel like you were made for each other.

 

It's as simple as that, to me.

 

You don't have to malign it, if it hasn't happened to you that doesn't mean it isn't a real and meaningful and valid in someone else's experience.

 

And we know this how? Because just like any other cultural archetype, many people describe it happening to them throughout time and across cultures.

 

 

 

The next point I have is regarding Will and Manifestation.

 

It does not require one iota of superstition or belief to understand that you can will something into existence. And that my friends is the exact reason there is an archetype suggesting "man was created in the image of God".

 

Let me tell you something if you haven't figured it out for yourself, you have created the life you live, and over time everyone creates their own lives. So when you meet someone who has a lot of issues or problems and you think you can help them, you have to remember that they have created this life for themselves, and there's something in it for them, or they would have created something else.

 

Now this is not specifically relevant to this topic of soulmates, it's a wider topic regarding how humans have the ability to attract to them the things they focus their attention on.

 

Nothing magical here either.