500 things you have learned in Oblivion

[rinoaff33]

1072. In Soviet Cyrodiil, axes are maces. Oh, and they weigh as much as a mac truck.

1073. Xivilai use glass weapons instead of daedric weapons despite originating from Oblivion realms.

1074. The Clannfears that Xivilai summon are far more dangerous and annoying than the Xivilai themselves.

1075. This is also true for Spider Daedra spiderlings.

Edited August 1, 2011 by rinoaff33

[Tobjoern]

1076. There exists no book named "Guide to Kvatch"

 

1077. Everyone needs the Black Horse Courier^^

 

1078. Destruction spells cause tension in the air^^

 

1079. ...it's nice to see me...

[SoulofChrysamere]

1,080. You know you're addicted to Oblivion (and the Elder Scrolls in general) when you can remember the spellings and pronunciations of over 90% of the uniquely-named NPCs in the game.

 

1,081. Although Oblivion is an enormous realm, only a few areas seem to take part in the plan to conquer Tamriel.

 

1,082. Mannimarco believes in the power of his nice, shiny dagger more than he does in the power of his incredible magical and necromantic abilities.

 

1,083. Bravil Castle's female Khajiiti steward is, due to a bug with some scripts, compelled to incessantly walk between Bravil and Bruma until her death at the hands of a wild animal, bandit, or the player himself/herself.

 

1,084. Nobody in Oblivion is ever in a good mood.

 

1,085. Nobody in Cyrodiil except for Raminus Polus knows that the correct plural form of "staff" is "staves".

 

1,086. The taller your character is, the faster he/she moves.

 

1,087. Bandits, marauders, necromancers, and conjurers all believe that the only two things capable of infiltrating their camps and hideouts are rats and the wind.

 

1,088. If you plan on becoming a bandit, marauder, necromancer, or a conjurer, you must comply with strict uniform and equipment requirements and regulations.

 

1,089. Only Redguards and Dunmer are capable of becoming ringleaders in bandit and Black Bow Bandit groups.

 

1,090. Only Nords and Imperials are capable of becoming warlords in marauder groups.

 

1,091. No matter how many times you play through the game, poor old Aleron Loche always foolishly borrows money from Kurdan gro-Dragol and always falls for his "axe story".

 

1,092. It is inevitable that Maro Rufus and Varnado will eventually become so disgusted with each other that the Best Defense will transform from an armor shop into a battle zone.

 

1,093. The player's character is granted the opportunity to choose his form of punishment upon being confronted by a city guard after committing a crime. NPCs on the other hand, have no such opportunity; execution is the only result for them.

 

1,094. A bandit or marauder dressed in armor only found in the most remote and dangerous places and equipped with equally rare weapons cannot win a one-on-one fight against a regular city guard garbed in plain chainmail and armed with a silver weapon.

 

1,095. The denizens of Oblivion like to put "ascended" Mythic Dawn guards into the cages at the top of their torture towers.

 

1,096. Only one Dremora in the whole of Oblivion knows how to handle a bow.

 

1,097. Excluding the single Altmer Mythic Dawn assassin that appears at the end of the game's beginning, all of the assassins you encounter along the way are Imperials. Also, all of the assassins are males.

 

1,098. Malacath isn't a fan of mining operations.

 

1,099. All swear phrases in Tamriel take way too long to say.

 

1,100. There is only one mine inhabited specifically by marauders.

 

1,101. According to Honditar, the deer in Cyrodiil (or at least the ones up around Chorrol) are skittish.

 

1,102. Wraiths look like floating bedsheets with swords.

 

1,103. Regular wraiths have to deal with a normal black cover, but once they graduate to gloom wraith, they get a snazzy dark red cover, a little crown, and a beard and moustache!

 

1,104. Wilhelm the Worm in Anvil has a German name.

 

1,105. Francois Motierre in Chorrol has a French first name (last name might be French too, but not sure).

 

1,106. Mazoga the Orc is one of the few non-Elven and non-Redguard NPCs that lacks a surname.

 

1,107. Skeleton Champions are only allowed to use silver, Elven, and glass weapons.

 

1,108. According to a certain Orc in a certain Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary in a certain city, the Imperial Legion "scrap" worn by Adamus Phillida and his fellow legionnaires is unable to withstand well-forged claymores.

 

1,109. If you own a horse, hostile NPCs and creatures will attempt to kill it before even considering taking you on.

 

1,110. Both the male and female Khajiiti bandits have the dialogue of the highwaymen. Your personality must be high enough for them to not attack you on sight if you want to hear it, though.

 

1,111. Falanu Hlaalu of Skingrad evidently has this custom of blowing up her previous alchemical supply stores once she's grown tired of them.

 

1,112. If you don't stay out of Ulrich Leland's way, he'll have you slapped in irons.

 

1,113. Members of the Imperial Legion have trouble believing that there are worse things than the Dark Brotherhood.

 

1,114. In the Oblivion dictionary, "Invasion" is defined as having small groups of Daedra enter the targeted realm and wander aimlessly inside of ten-foot radii of the gates through which they came.

 

1,115. Baenlin's Nordic butler Gromm is actually named Dreugh Vomit according to Sotha Syl.

 

1,116. The mystical, otherworldly armor employed by the Mythic Dawn is incapable of repelling cheap iron arrows.

 

1,117. Some goblins have in excess of 1,000 arrows on their person.

 

1,118. Fort Roebeck differentiates from the real-world word "roebuck" by one letter.

 

1,119. Once a regular lich becomes a Nether Lich, it gets a cool glowing effect.

 

1,120. Fathis Aren evidently never thought to use the Arrow of Extrication to break into the Imperial Palace and rob it blind.

 

1,121. The Elder Scrolls must be written in Braille if blind monks can tell them apart.

 

1,122. Celia Camoran decided to reject the lifestyle of the rest of the Camorans and became a palace official.

[WarRatsG]

1123. Jewellery boxes can contain claymores.

 

1124. If a paintbrush is in a jar, even explosions won't seperate them.

 

1125. Lava (molten iron) can't melt iron.

 

1126. Longswords are only as sharp as they are heavy.

 

1127. The amulet of kings can only be worn by a descendant of Talos... And Mankar Cameron.

 

1128. Even though you have 10 fingers, only 2 of them are capable of wearing rings.

 

1129. It is possible to punch the dead until they die.

 

1130. Trees are 1mm thick and can rotate 360 degrees.

Edited August 2, 2011 by WarRatsG

[xaxano]

1131. Valen Dreth never slept with that guard's wife on the beaches of Summerset Isle.

 

1132. M'aik The Liar is faster than Usain Bolt.

 

1133. Guard's will talk about themselves ("The Nobility") and not know it when asked about the Gray fox.

 

1134. No matter what the case may be, if you are being attacked, followed, supported, or simply come by a roaming NPC, their first priority is to kill that helpless deer.

 

1135. Wolves will sometimes fly higher than Dragons if smashed in the right spot.

 

1136. The Blademaster will never like a Pitdog.

 

1137. You have not played Oblivion if the Adoring Fan remains without a visit to Dive Rock for flying lessons.

Edited August 2, 2011 by xaxano

[ENDZYM3]

#1138: Waiting in one place for hours at a time is seen as perfectly normal behavior.

#1139: When one of them sees you, all of them see you.

#1140: No one has anything interesting to say. Ever.

#1141: The citizens of Tamriel are all telepathic, and know precisely what items you in your pack have been stolen from someone else.

[SoulofChrysamere]

1,142. You can be an old, wrinkled man wearing a full suit of high-quality heavy armor and still be able to outright SMOKE a young, defined person dressed only in street clothes in a race.

 

1,143. The chainmail cuirasses worn by males have abs.

 

1,144. The Ayleid ruins of Anutwyll outside of Bravil were named after an unfinished sentence. A nut will...what, exactly?

 

1,145. The Ayleid ruins of Rielle up somewhere around Bruma share their name with Phane Rielle, the bartender of the Southwall Cornerclub in Balmora in Morrowind.

 

1,146. You cannot use repair hammers as makeshift weapons.

 

1,147. The magic sword statue from Medievil would gleefully scoff at all the "tea trays" being carried around by bandits, guards, and the like.

 

1,148. Either the crossbow originated in Morrowind, or the Legion is chock full of weapon segregationists.

 

1,149. The Orcish proprietor of the Chestnut Handy Stables isn't very good at lying.

 

1,150. You see tons of waste water in the sewers underneath the Imperial City, but you will never spy even a single speck of solid waste. Anywhere.

 

1,151. Strangely enough, nobody has ever seen any of the vampires that live in the sewers beneath the Arena Bloodworks venture out into the wild, chop down trees and fashion boards from them or rob wood caravans, and haul the timber back into their lair for the purpose of making coffins and tables.

 

1,152. Bandit, marauder, and vampire archers spend every waking moment either stealing arrows or fletching.

 

1,153. When you're a common outlaw, you don't get to have a unique name.

 

1,154. You can't go prone.

[ENDZYM3]

#1,155: Long before his assassination by agents of the Mythic Dawn, the late Emperor Euriel Septim foresaw his own death.

When that very night came to pass, he brought along an extra pair of shoes. Just in case.

[xaxano]

1156 - There are many warnings against speaking "Orc jokes" unless you're an Orc... Or one of the Argonian's from Leyawin.

 

1157 - No matter how many times you play the Mage's guild questline the last surviving battle mage will always crush himself.

 

1158 - Phintias will never care what anybody thinks.

 

1159 - Else-God-Hater hates gods, yet she worships Lord Dagon as a part of the Mythic Dawn. (Even though he's a Daedric Prince)

[XxPockieNinjaxX]

1160 Being a ninja means, your the only one

1161 The only thing that can kill you once you max out ur lvl is you..

1162 The dogs of cyrodill dnt chase cats...cuase there is none.

1163 If you go to sleep near a vampire after being cured he wont bite you.....

1164 At high levels it takes for ever to let a gaurd kill u...you might even try helping them along by doing it ur self....

1165 If you drink and ride a horse its ok...but if u drink and slap a gaurd its not.....

1166 If you find the right cave u can walk up to the mythic dawn and still walk out even after seeing them without them trying to kill u ...:/

1167 If you kill everyone theres always some how one gaurd thats still there waiting to bust you...