My Fallout 4 character story

[sharayde]

Hi guys!

 

So, i wrote this story in December, but recently i've wanted to improve it, so any criticism would be absolutely loved, thanks! (Btw, if there's actually a specific place on these forums to post stuff like this, please tell me, i'd be much obliged. Thanks!)

 

She was in for murdering several wastelanders, security guards, and she even had a knife fight with a pre-war soldier in power armour, who many claimed to be the savior of the commonwealth. She won by stabbing him through the gap in the armour between the head and the torso, slitting his throat and watching him choke to death. (Oh, and yes, that is the lone survivor im talking about) She was taken down while she strung up victims of her previous massacre. When questioned she simply said that she was bored, so she starting fighting, just to see whether she could take down the entire city security force (A lie, she was turned over by a close friend).

The prison she was put in was actually a vault designed to leave inmates with no authority figures, and observe what happens. Unfortunately for them Jade was very adept at busting out of places where she was locked in, and through diligent planning she managed to get her hands on a Pip-Boy and open the vault to freedom. There she made her way to Sanctuary Hills, a place which had been utterly abandoned, and she heard that near it was a Vault which had only been opened a few times, the most recent being 60 years ago where a mercenary she knew well called Kellogg broke into there and apparently took some kid.

She worked her way inside, and after a short wander only turned up some cryo-frozen corpses she took all valuables to sell, then exited the vault. When emerging, she put the holotape that was buried in the overseer office into her pip-boy, and decided after hearing the story that she was intrigued, and wanted to find what happened to the kid.

She decided that to avoid suspicion, she would pretend that she was, in fact, the mother of this child, which would arouse the least suspicion. This would also let her get some revenge at Kellogg for betraying her to the security at Diamond City and getting her thrown into a prison vault. With a clear mission at heart and (hopefully) a lot of excitement and caps on the line, she sets out to Sanctuary Hills, where she heard that a robot with modified behavioural restraints was constantly talking about a man carrying the child he was supposed to protect away from it.

 

So, how was it?

 

Boring? Utterly stupid? So mind-dullingly...dull that your brain oozed out of your ears and is now pouring over your keyboard?

 

Well, as i said, any comments and ways to improve it would be really appreciated, thanks =D