ArtKing1239 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Here's a sonnet I wrote. What do you all think? Judith Your eyes embraced mine like soft lovers' lips(Which quoth more'n a breath than words can convey).Your hands danced on mine with soft fingertips,Each an actor in our clandestine play. Oh! Was I veiled in our bliss, blind to see,(Whilst I drank of you like nectar from above)That our last act was written a tragedy;You forsook me with your jealous love. Now, and again, I look back on those times;(Wishing to be full of you forever)My Judith, committing His terrible crime,Snatching my heart with a kiss; my course severed. 'Twould be better to be sunk in cold ground,Than to lose again the love which I found. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdamNeko Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 That was beautiful. Sad in a deep and hurting way, but still beautiful nonetheless. Iambic Pentameter always leads to beautiful poetry, and you, ArtKing, have used it so gracefully. Excellent work, and keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmac Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 You forsaked me with your jealous love. Good sonnet, I'm impressed. However, might I suggest changing the 'forsaked' to 'had forsaken' for gramattical immaculateness? The first stanza is especially good, I like the Each an actor in our clandestine play part. Well done! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArtKing1239 Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 Nix that. I just got a helpful message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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