Skyrim Morning Herald - Skyrim Special Edition - Editors Review

[SahVulon]

Skyrim Morning Herald

Skyrim Special Edition - Editors Review

 

Editor Sah: Hello beloved readers, and welcome to this Skyrim Morning Herald - Skyrim Special Edition - Editors Review with all the latest news & top story's.

We have our games tester Sah putting the SSE through its paces, she will give us her full report in our next Tech Edition coming in a few days.

TOP STORY'S

 

SSE and the First NPC reactions

As Skyrim wakes up to a new day, NPC all across Skyrim are starting to give us there first Impressions regarding The NEW Skyrim Special Edition.

Our Reporter Sah was on hand to bring you comprehensive coverage as to how the new changes where revived across Skyrim.

Thalmor up in arms over God Rays

Today a governmental representative of the Third Aldmeri Dominion released this statement: "This is unacceptable, the worship of false gods is a heresy punishable by death, if that dose not work then we move on to more drastic measures like arresting & torching you. This is the work of the Blades who have no ethical boundary about who they worship, it is very alarming that there numbers keep on growing, our latest stats put them at a 300% growth in membership (total of 3 members), The god Rays is just another chapter in false Doctrines designed purely to attract members, as we speak Blade members are recruiting NPC's from across all of Skyrim to join them in worshiping this NEW false god called God Ray. He concluded, this is war and we wont stop until Skyrim is dull & gloomy again just like it used to be............read more

 

Hotel Volkihar

We are out side Volkihar Hotel where Lord Harkon is about to make a public announcement regarding the new Skyrim Special Edition, when he is suddenly interrupted by reporter Sah

Reporter Sah: "I'm Dracula, Bleh, bleh-bleh!"

Lord Harkon: "I've never said that in my life. 'Bleh, bleh-bleh.' I don't know where that comes from!" .............read more

 

Skyrim Transport Union

Major strikes are scheduled next week, as carriage driver's all across Skyrim unite to show there protest to the freezing's of carriage fairs, A union spokes person quoted: " its bad enough that the prices of tickets are too cheap already, that there will be no increase until the next Elder Scrolls VI is totally unacceptable, There has been a dramatic drop in public transport ever since fast travel services became available, what are our drivers supposed to do? we might as well go and work for the Alchemist Corporation that is illegally plucking butterfly wings" ...........read more

Gotham Bethesda Forums

Should I buy a XBOX ONE or PS4? Post # 69, this is how the news was received in Gotham

Batman: Harvey, give me your other hand! I need both your hands to save you, let go of the controller!

Two-Face: hanging from a ledge ..........What, what should I do?............ The coin won't tell me, Xbox ONE or PS4?

Batman: It won't tell you ANYTHING! I switched coins when you grabbed me! It's a trick coin, it'll always land on edge! It's YOUR choice now, Xbox ONE or PS4?

Two-Face: Xbox ONE or PS4?.......... life or death?, ............the coin or me?!

Back at the Bat Cave

Alfred Pennyworth: Batman may have made the front page of the Skyrim Morning Herald, but Bruce Wayne got pushed to page eight.

Bruce Wayne reads the Skyrim Morning Herald's headline: "Drunken Billionaire Burns Down Home whilst using Xbox One & PS4 at the same time." ............read more

Skyrim Special Edition Bug Report

FBI special agents Fox Mulder and realist Dana Scully arrive to investigate this unexplained, mind-bending case of the Weird Flashes of Lights around Riftten, X-File case # 142764849

Mulder: it might be a UFO ?

Scully: Don't you think the UFO scenario is getting a little old?

Mulder: Do you always have to be a skeptic & realist? ....were the longest-running science fiction series in network TV history. So if any one knows flashy lights its us!

Scully: There has to be a logical explanation, just want to make sure we look at all the options, you dont think its a SSE bug?

Mulder : I Dont think its a bug Scully, and if its not a Bug and if its not a UFO it has to be either the Enterprise, Serenity, the Dauntless, the Millennium Falcon or any other number of ships passing by that night?

Scully: Sound good to me, see told you there was a logical explanation for everything........I will start writing up a report

Though the government is convinced that the outlandish reports are false, conspiracy theorist Fox Mulder and realist Dana Scully, will stop at nothing to prove that "the truth is out there"

Alduin talks to Sah about the new Skyrim Special Edition

Alduin: If I might interrupt and ask you a question?

Reporter Sah: Yes, sorry. Hello, big fellow

Aludin: Who exactly are you?

Reporter Sah: Well, that's the question?

Aludin: I demand to know who you are!

Reporter Sah: I don't know! You see, that's the thing. I'm Sah, but beyond that, I just don't know. I literally do not know who I am.

Am I funny? Am I sarcastic? Sexy? Right old misery? Life and soul? Right handed? Left handed? A gambler? A fighter? A coward? A traitor? A liar? A nervous wreck?

I mean, judging by the evidence, this one is doing a good job in the nervous wreck department...........read more

Bethesda's New SSE Teaser hits the air

First we gave you the Ebony Warrior ...and he hacked & hacked ya to death

But that was not good enough for you ...so we came up with new ways to kill you

So we gave you again a powerful foe that can prove to be quite a challenge

Enter Karstaag the hardest bosses in the game .....and he too hacked & hacked ya to death

But again that was way below Dragonborn standards ....so again we came up with a new & revolutionary way to kill you.

ALL NEW ....Bethesda's Skyrim Special Edition.

Dynamic Depth of Field & Better Distant Terrain, God Rays & ENB quality graphics.

Now your Dragonborn can die in style! ...........read more

 

BREAKING NEWS

NEWS FLASH - SCOOP OF THE CENTURY - YOU GET THE PICTURE

 

The Deception of all Deceptions, For many years Dragonborn's across the world have been deceived,

With the release of the new Skyrim Special Edition that is now using the Fallout 4 Engine our reporter Sah has gone deep deep undercover to uncover the truth.

This one's name is Reporter Sah and has gone deep deep undercover and tracked down the man that every one thought was dead, millions & millions of Dragonborn have killed him for stealing all the money and even valuable stuff from the Thieves Guild Vault using the Skeleton Key. Yes beloved readers this one is hot on the tracks of Mercer Frey the man believed to have been killed by you, but you never recovered any of the money or even valuable stuff that went missing so where did it go?.

Taking the AKA name of Alice & with the assistance of her trusty side kick Reporter Piper, and posing as a 200 year old frozen Popsicle that was way way past her used by date.

Pretending to be searching for her kidnapped baby....this one managed to track down Mercer Frey to Diamond City where he is posing as the synth detective called Nick Valentine!!!!

But it was not as simple as that, this one had to make sure that it was him, yes he voice was sort of the same, but having half of Irkngthand falling on his head his face and body was all deformed.

It was essential the truth was uncovered, this one posing as a desperate mother looking for her kidnapped baby convinced Mr Valentine to help her. So we set out to find a man called Kellogg's® Corn Flakes, along the way this one noticed that Mr Valentine had the skill of knowing how to open doors that are inexpressible and its was dead give away the went on bragging about how easy it was that he must have been a member of the Thieves Guild, it was all the prove this one needed. Risking life and limb or the other way around, this one can now without doubt reveal to her beloved readers that Mercer Frey is still alive, and and is posing as the synth detective called Nick Valentine...........read more

NEXT WEEK

As soon as you thought that the mystery was solved it came to this ones attention that trusty Codsworth may be implicated in the plot and that just because he recons he has the best geraniums in Sanctuary Hills is enough to avert suspicions that Mercer Frey has no Ethical boundary's but that's another story PS. the part about where this one talks about the money and where did it go...was a typo ......just forget this one even mentioned it

 

 

FINANCIAL REPORT

The Skyrim Special Edition Butterfly Affect

 

Butterfly's in Bethesda's new Skyrim Special Edition have nearly been hunted to extinction by the locals, they are simply so beautiful that every one must have one framed on there wall.

The new graphical enchantments that changed dull & gloomy Skyrim last week had a major impact on the little helpless butterfly's making them more valuable then a bar of gold.

Jarl's across Skyrim are taking drastic measures as animal rights group Green Peace threatens that they will have get involved and try to stop this insane carnage.

Singes that read "Butterfly Wing Plucking Free Zone, Between the Hours of 6am - 11pm, Fines up to 5000 Septims" now litter the ever so beautiful landscape of the SSE.

Regardless of the drastic measures the numbers of Butterfly's keeps on mysteriously dropping, and now Lunar Moths have been also included on the Endangered Spices List

As the shadow of financial claps looms over Skyrim, Media outlets across Skyrim are coming forward and are revealing the magnitude of the sandal.

The front page of ~THE TAMRIEL TIMES~ read like this QUOTE: "A dramatic drop in Luna Moth numbers" & "They are being targeted by invisible, healthy, light armored alchemists"

Potions of Minor Healing today reached the new record price of 830septims per bottle. The Skyrim Stock Market collapsed again for the third day strait, as Jarls & Thanes rushed to sell there shares.

It has been rumored that they are investing there shares in a more respectable offshore Panama-based service provider called Mossack Fonseca

 

A spokes man for the Skyrim Treasury said: "Its not our fault we took such drastic measures by banning wing plucking, people where complaining, and animal rights groups where about to get involved in the case." continuing he said: "Its the greedy Alchemist Corporation that has failed to show any compassion to its heavy users & potion addicted customers by jacking up the price, if you want to place any blame, they have caused this financial chaos"

 

In other related news Pro Ban Wing Plucking Supporters clashed yesterday with members of the greedy Alchemist Corporation in Solitude. Angelina's Aromatics was burnt to the ground in retaliation for her over priced potions & for selling butterfly wings under the counter. Due to the Civil unrest across Skyrim, it can now be revealed form leaked footage from the Pentagon on Wiki Leaks that there has been a steady build up of Military Forces along the Imperial & Stormcloack borders & that its only a mater of time before this breaks out into the second Skyrim Civil War! ...........read more

TOMORROW

 

Living with Poverty: How to skin a Horker and make the perfect Horker stew!

 

HEALTH

Werewolves do you feel like a lost little puppy?

 

After an extensive research of 2 years and with over 3 millon werewolves participating in tests & working with their local practitioner’s,

we can finally reveal to you 5 easy steps you can take to make your life as a werewolf happy & fulfilling & avoid the long arm of the Law.

Step 1: By Law in most countries on Earth it is compulsory to get microchip, that way if you ever lose yourself, all you have to do is walk into your closest Vet & they will contact you to come and pick yourself up, small fee might apply.

Step 2: It is advised to use a leash on yourself, when you take yourself for walk to the park, also take some small plastic bags for when you want take a crap in the bush. It is advise to leave your self-tied up on a pole whilst you do your shopping, and if you leave yourself in the car please leave a widow slightly open for fresh air & so you don’t come back and find your beloved self-dead from the Heat.

Step 3: You will be arrested for urinating on poles with the excuse that you are marking your territory & it does not help chasing after the cop car as it is trying to leave!

Step 4: make sure you get all your shots & flea treatments, rabies & frantic scratching is not a good way to socialize, especially if you’re looking for that special [censored] to bear your children.

Step 5: our study shows that most common injuries to a werewolf are dislocated ankles, knees, and hips from trying to scratch that itch behind the ear, it is

STRONGLY RECOMMENDED do not attempt in human form.

 

 

TECHNOLOGY

Special PS4 MOD Investigation

 

After months of speculation & uncertainty About PS4 MODS, our paper decided to investigate the matter deeper, we sent Reporter Sah deep deep undercover to uncover the truth

After getting the job as head of security at a secret high-tech facility called the PS4Pro and after weeks of investigating and pushing buttons that she maybe should of not have pushed in the first place.

The truth can finally be revealed as to why Sony did not want to go ahead with MODS. Beloved reader please read on and make your own conclusions.

This one's name is Reporter Sah. This one is deep under cover working for the PS4 MOD CORPORATION the largest and most powerful commercial entity in the world.

This one was head of security at a secret high-tech facilityty called the PS4Pro, a giant underground laboratory developing experimental MODS.

There was an incident, someone pushed a button, there identity still remains a big mystery and all the security camera tapes have also gone missing.

A MOD escaped. A lot of people died. The trouble was, they didn't stay dead.

The computer that controlled the PS4Pro was a state-of-the-art artificial intelligence called the Dualshock4 Wireless Controller

The Dualshock4 Wireless Controller responded to the threat of the MOD outbreak in an extreme way.

It went homicidal. "You're all going to be deleted down here"

The Dualshock4 Wireless Controller attempted to delete everyone whether they were infected or not.

I managed to escape, but this was only the beginning. The MOD outbreaks spread like wildfire, first across the Skyrim, then the Commonwealth.

The MODS didn't just bring the dead back to life. It mutated them in terrifying ways.

Despite the apocalypse they had created the PS4 MOD CORPORATION continued to experiment with the deadly MODS.

I was infected. But the MOD bonded with this one on a cellular level. I developed powers.

I became different. Powerful. Unstoppable. As this one got stronger, the race's of Tamriel became weaker.

I tried my best to lead what survivors I could find to safety, but we were pursued relentlessly.

Even my friend Serana was seized and brain washed by the the PS4 MOD CORPORATION. "Bight & suck to kill."â...........read more

 

SOCIAL

Skyrim Special Edition MOD Addiction - A True Story

 

When this one was a teenager a year ago she had her little mother & daughter talk about....MODS

Did this one listen to a word she said? NO in one ear and out the other, this one was overwhelmed with MODS wanted them so bad (putting your mace in the freezer bad)

So I did it! I gave my self away, first one MOD then two, soon too ever MOD that would come my way, it was ECSTASY. Its raining MODS Hallelujah so wrong mummy.

But then the problems came, MODS under the bed, in the closet, 6 or 7 MODS on the balcony. I was MOD happy, what next Followers, one, two....ten, who cares, I was so happy. I was in MOD Heaven. The truth was I was a slave to MODS, I was getting drained, it was taking me longer to do things, I got slower, sluggish & I started lagging soon I could not keep up. That's when the real problems started, the crashing, at the beginning it was once a month, then it became two, before I new it I was crashing every day, to the point where I could not did not want to go on.

Luckily a girl friend suggested we get help, I took all my MODS to see a counselor called Dr BOSS changed his name to Dr LOOT i think, he put a sense of order back into my life...

The crashing stopped but I was scared.....I was damaged goods...... mummy was right. So I went home and with the advice from mummy did a new instillation from scratch, the past is behind me now.

Now I'm seeing some very nice MODS, they do there best to make me feel special, still early days, who knows might be MR Right............read more

 

OTHER GAMING NEWS

Fallout 4 - The new face of Super Mutants

 

Finally its official, Speculation & rumors can now be put to rest as The Hulk singes a 4 year contract to be the new face of the super mutants in the next upcoming Fallout 5

Marvel Studios spokes person quoted "its for the best, we wanted a love story between the Hulk & the Black widow but it did no go to plan, so there is no point in keeping him on."

Bethesda Studios Quoted: "Who needs a Nuke Launcher when you can have a Hulk" ...........read more

SPORTS

 

Basketball SBA Semi-Final Playoffs

Riekling Warriors Vs Giants 14-356 Giants leading 2-0 best of 5

Thalmor Wizards Vs The Blades: game was stopped in the first minuet of the play after violent episodes erupted between the players of both teams. After 2 games the series remains 0-0â

World Championship Boxing returns to the Theater at Madison Square Garden on Saturday, November 12th on the eve of the annual Arrow in the Knee Day Parade!

In the main event, three-time world champion BETHESDA MODERATOR “ROCKY BANLBOA”(17 KOs) Vs. WBO featherweight world champion "I NEED SOME HELP MEMBER" (1 KOs)...........read more

Skyrim TV

The Bachelorette

 

Sah may have gotten her heart broken by Ben Higgins on "The Bachelor," but it it didn't diminish her desire for a lasting love. After taking time back home at Lake View Manor with her follower Lydia, Sah is ready to get back in the game and start the search for her soul mate all over again.

A successful real estate developer, thane of many city's & leader of many suspicious organizations, the spunky girl-next-door also enjoys killing dragons, quests, wearing sexy armors and spending time enchanting weapons. Who will the Amulet of Mara point to? Will it be Stinky the Beggar? or Shifty the Thief? just some of the potential wannabe losers who are trying to steal Sah's heart

Episode 1 - Our Bachelorette Sah set a high bar for her self, so what will she get up to now the real dating game begins?...........read more

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

 

[SMB92]

Mmm I thought the god rays were a little intense...

 

Anyway is this a thing? Apologies, I don't understand what this is.

[wim1234]

i suppose its to be some kinda funny joke story?

[SMB92]

A lot of work went into it. Guess I'll read the whole thing when I'm at the PC

[SahVulon]

A lot of work went into it. Guess I'll read the whole thing when I'm at the PC

 

In our next edition of the SMH, Reporter Sah interviews SMB92 in a tell all one hour special, a in depth and comprehensive look at the Leader of the Anti-Enclave & Anti-Imperial Activist Party

 

 

SMB92 ..........this one hopes you like it ..........and thanks