MHGhandi Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) Hi folks! I am writing some texts for my Sky Haven Temple mod and would appreciate some feedback in terms of content and (!) grammar/spelling from native English speakers. I hope this is the right place to ask for it. If not I will most happily delete my request! The first series of books would be about the guidelines for Blades: Handbook for the BladeBook 1Ranks of the Blades By Grandmaster Jauffre 4E 17 The ursupator Titus Mede has taken the throne of the Empire. We have an emperor again. Many people raise their voice in astonishment as to why the Blades have not yet retaken their place as the official guards of the emperor. The answer is simple, brothers and sisters. We are NOT the guards of the emperor. We are the guards of the dragonbloods and what they created: the Empire. Let there be no mistake: We will remain vigilant and fight every threat that will come upon our homes and our Empire. But to directly serve Titus Mede or his kind would mean that we are no more than petty mercenaries. These books are to be meant as a guide for you, my brothers and sisters in arms. 1 Ranks of the Blades There are two possible means of serving the Blades. The first one is through means of steel and tactics. The warriors of the Blades wear our traditional Akaviri armour and will protect our outposts and fellow Blades with their life. The second one is a way of secrecy and caution. Our agents throughout the Empire gather information and recruit new assets. Both ways are equally important and we must never forget to hold the balance between them. Novices Novices are our best assets and have proven to be loyal to the Empire ApprenticesApprentices are those who want to dedicate their life to the ways of the Blades. They train to become regular Journeymen JourneymenJourneymen are the backbone of the Blades. They have numerous tasks, from training to guardduties FindersFinders are the scouts and researchers of the Blades. They are tasked with acquiring and analysing our information TravelersTravelers are entrusted with bringing important messages and information to their designations. They are vital parts of our information-network OperativesOperatives are mission specialists and will take the biggest risks in order to accomplish their goals. They often work alone and under disguise LieutenantsLieutenants are well-trained and experienced officers who lead their divisions into combat. They are also commanding Blades within our outposts. AgentsAgents are our specialists for internal security. They watch political and social shifts throughout the Empire and will work with their Operatives and Travelers to react accordingly SpiesA spy is a special rank given to those Agents that will perform huge operations outside the Empire CommandersA Commander is a special rank given to those Lieutenants that will perform military operations outside the Empire SpymastersA Spymaster is the hightest ranking member of the Blades in an imperial county CaptainsCaptains serve as the commanding Blades within our temples and are the hightest ranking members of the Blades within an imperial province. Grand SpymasterA Grand Spymaster is the second in command of the Blades. Grand Spymasters report directly to Dragonbloods and the Grandmaster GrandmasterThe Grandmaster is the head of the Blades. He will be chosen by the Dragonblood directly or through the assembly of all Captains and the Grand Spymaster 2 Code of Conduct The Code of Conduct that all Blades must follow is quite simple, yet demanding. It is comprised of the four fundamental principles loyalty, integrity, bravery and discipline. LoyaltyYou pledge your loyalty to the ways of the Blades and to the Empire built by Dragonbloods. You will do everything that has to be done in order to protect the Blades and the Empire. You will not betray the Empire or the Blades and you will not betray the principles of the Blades. To do so means treason. IntegrityYou will not endanger the missions and goals of the Blades by talking about them to anyone but fellow Blades. You will do what you are told to do your superior Blades. If you deem those orders to be dangerous for the Blades, you shall inform higher ranking Blades. BraveryYou shall never yield to the enemy or flee the battlefield unless being ordered to do so. You shall never abandon fellow Blades or the Empire in their times of need. DisciplineObey your superiors, train your skills and stay focused on your tasks. Your discipline is crucial for the success of your missions. Edited February 19, 2012 by MHGhandi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JanusForbeare Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 (edited) Here you go. At times when another word or phrase might be more appropriate, you'll find my suggestion in (brackets and italics). Handbook for the BladeBook 1Ranks of the Blades By Grandmaster Jauffre 4E 17 The usurper Titus Mede has taken (seized) the throne of the Empire. We have an emperor again. Many people raise their voices in astonishment as to why the Blades have not yet retaken their place as the official guards of the Emperor (Emperor's bodyguards). The answer is simple, brothers and sisters. We are NOT the guards of the emperor (do NOT guard the Emperor). We are the guards (defenders) of the Dragonbloods (Dragonborn), and what they created: the Empire (of Tamriel). Let there be no mistake: We will remain vigilant and fight every threat that will come (may descend) upon our homes and our Empire. But to directly serve Titus Mede or his kind (ilk) would mean that we are no (reduce us to nothing) more than petty mercenaries. These books (volumes) are intended to be a guide for you, my (our) brothers and sisters in arms. 1 - Ranks of the Blades There are two possible means (ways) of serving the Blades. The first is through means (by way) of steel and tactics (strategy). The warriors of the Blades wear our traditional Akaviri armour, and protect our outposts and fellow Blades with their lives. The second is a way (path) of secrecy and caution. Our agents throughout the Empire (the Empire, and beyond,) gather information and recruit new assets. Both ways (groups) are equally important (of equal importance), and we must never forget to hold (always strive to maintain) the balance between them. Novices Novices are our best assets, and have proven loyal to the Empire. ApprenticesApprentices are those who want (wish) to dedicate their lives to the way of the Blades. They train to become regular Journeymen. JourneymenJourneymen are the backbone of the Blades. They have numerous tasks (Their tasks are many), and range from training to guard (garrison) duty. FindersFinders are the scouts and researchers of the Blades. They are tasked with acquiring and analysing information (intelligence). TravelersTravelers are entrusted with bringing bearing important messages and information to their destinations. They are vital parts of our information network. OperativesOperatives are mission specialists, and will (often) take the biggest risks in order to accomplish their goals. They often frequently work alone and undercover. LieutenantsLieutenants are well-trained and experienced officers, who lead their (their respective) divisions into combat. They are also the commanding Blades within our outposts (This is the minimum required rank for garrison commanders). AgentsAgents are our specialists for (specialize in) internal security. They watch for political and social shifts throughout the Empire, and work (coordinate) with Operatives and Travelers to react accordingly. SpiesA spy is a special rank given to those Agents who perform (orchestrate) huge (significant) operations outside the Empire. CommandersA Commander is a special rank given to those Lieutenants who perform military operations outside the Empire. SpymastersA Spymaster is the hightest ranking member of the Blades in an Imperial county. CaptainsCaptains serve as the commanding Blades within our temples and are usually the hightest ranking members of the Blades within an imperial province. Grand SpymasterA Grand Spymaster is the second in command of the Blades. Grand Spymasters report directly to Dragonbloods (Dragonborn) and the Grandmaster. GrandmasterThe Grandmaster is the head of the Blades. He will be chosen by the Dragonblood (Dragonborn) directly, or through the assembly of all Captains and the Grand Spymaster. 2 - Code of Conduct The Code of Conduct that all Blades must follow is quite simple, yet demanding. It is comprised of the four fundamental principles: loyalty, integrity, bravery and discipline. LoyaltyYou pledge your loyalty to the ways of the Blades, and to the Empire built by Dragonbloods. You will do everything that has to be done in order to protect the Blades and the Empire. You will not betray the Empire, or the Blades, and you will not (nor will you) betray the principles of the Blades. To do so means treason. IntegrityYou will not endanger the missions and goals of the Blades by talking (speaking) about them to anyone but fellow Blades. You will do what you are told to do (You will obey all commands you receive from) your superior Blades. If you deem those orders to be dangerous (to be excessively dangerous) to the Blades, you shall inform higher ranking Blades (your superiors). BraveryYou shall never yield to the enemy, or flee the battlefield unless being ordered to do so. You shall never abandon fellow Blades, or the Empire, in their times of need. DisciplineObey your superiors, train your skills and stay focused on your tasks. Your discipline is crucial for the success of your missions. Edited February 19, 2012 by JanusForbeare Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHGhandi Posted February 19, 2012 Author Share Posted February 19, 2012 Thank you very much! That is really helpful! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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