The only poem I'll ever write

[Nevermore]

I dislike poetry. Most of it sucks because it's written by strung out hippies and goths that can't get over themselves for how cool they think they are.

 

Anyways, this is just the only poem I'll ever write outside of for school.

 

W/o further delay:

 

\\\\\\\\\\\

Nothing

By {currently withheld}

 

I took a shower and came out clean.

I dressed nicely and combed my hair.

I stood by the window looking out at things I'd all ready seen,

for I looked at the drive way and no one was there.

------No one was there

 

I was not expecting anyone,

Yet I was still waiting.

Others were off having fun,

I was still waiting.

------No one was there

 

I wish I could hear the silence better.

I wish I could see the hollowness better.

I wish I could smell the solitude better.

I wish I could taste the lonelyness better.

I wish I could feel the single-arity better.

 

I went to the hallway.

My family wasn't there.

When they are there on any day

I stay in my room. They don't care.

 

I walk to my room and look at my walls.

They are faceless and hold nothing at all.

I looked at my bed where I alone lie.

Empty is it, as empty am I.

 

My lights were not on

so most lighting was gone,

Cuz' it was evening outside

and clouds filled the sky

 

I was looking out the window.

I was watching people drive by.

I was knew I was waiting.

I was wondering if I should instead be searching.

I was alone, and did not want to be.

 

This is what I knew, and said in my mind:

We are not meant to wait, only to look and to find.

But I could not go out for I had no where to be.

Every one had some one, exept for me.

-------I had waited too long

-------so no one was there.

//////////

 

Spaces and tabs don't work so the ------- are were a tab is.

 

Tell me if this all sucks, or is good. Feel no restraints becasue I myself don't really like it.

[Breton Thief Oriana]

as freud would say, you have some loneliness issues. but we tied him to the chair and made him read your poem anyway. its not bad, just sort of drags on. but, then again, mine are all about corruption and such, so i guess plenty of people find mine so-so.

 

 

Edit: a note to people reading--i wish i could have people review my stuff, but no one does. maybe that is what makes true poetry, reader critiqing. no one ever tells me that my work is good, or that it sucks, or, as i put it, just is. (note the spelling errors in my edit if there are any)

[Nevermore]

To explain the dragging:

 

Stanza 1: Est. that the person was kinda fresh and so could look at his/her life objective. Also that no one was home and the person was waiting.

 

2: They were waiting but no one was going to come and that they were thinknig of everyone else having fun but the person was not

 

3: I'm not sure, could be deleted.

 

4: The person's famly is not relly there, both literly and emotionaly

 

5: The person's room is bare, and that shows that s/he is also emotianally bare

 

6: It was dark. Kinda shows the person's mood.

 

7: Spells out directly that s/he was waiting, not searching

 

8: Concludes that nobody should wait, and that if you don't search you'll end up alone. Moral coming from the person means more becosue s/he is her/his self.

 

As for my lonlieness issuies: I never said that s/he is me. I left the sex of the person ambiguis so anybody could relate to him/her

 

You spelled criteaking wrong?

[Muennin]

Please don't critique spelling, this truly demeans an aspiring author. I found that your poem resonated an actual and very real perspective regarding a current state in life. The repetitive nature of "----No one was there", however, left me feeling as though you were using a simple device to drive your theme home.

 

Please don't regard this as a thumbs down. I'll look forward to your next submission. And PLEASE don't limit yourself to terms like "ever" or "never". We all seem to regret these promises eventually.

 

KEEP AT IT!!!

 

Best wishes :)

[Nevermore]

Please don't critique spelling

Please don't critique spelling

 

I am a stickiler to this rule normally but I think brenton wanted his spelling critiqued, just read his note.

[Muennin]

Right you are Nevermore (very cool name, by the way). Alright then:

 

For Breton: Freud, Good punctuation save the lower case letters beginning sentences.

 

For Nevermore: stickler

 

Sincerly hoping this helps...