I could give a rats arse about:

gandalftw · August 21, 2008

Fascinating and sad and humorous posts...A topic whose title led me to believe the posts within would be of a humorous

nature.However i quickly learned it was about pain and the power of words.Agreements were made on how repugnant

the word hate is and of what cruel memories it invokes.I agree that words spoken without empathy are like arrows that can penetrate straight to the heart of one that is suffering.

There are some that feel that giving up hate would be like saying that the cruelty they endured was of no significance.

Or that it would make life less real. All are valid viewpoints,it seems to me.I don't like hating because

it caused more harm to me than healing.Hate seems to bring even more harm to the sufferer for it tends to harden

the heart.That's just my point of view "today".I was a victim of another's hatred as well and as often happens

they passed on their hatred to me.I hated this person for what they did to me for thirty some years.Well,i became a drug addict and alcoholic.That's how i dealt with it.I'm 57 now and have only two years of freedom from drugs and alcohol.It seems as if i had to give up hating that person to stop punishing myself.Don't know if that makes any sense.

However i know that my solution,if indeed it is one,(only time will tell)is not the solution for everyone.We all have to deal with life's blows differently.We could try to see,tho, that pain is our common ground and that the power of words doesn't need to become a device to separate those that suffer.

Aeryn333 i understand what you mean when you say that words like hate affect you.I hope you find a way to heal from

what you've endured.

Michlo,your hurt and anger is a valid response to your nephews lack of empathy.I hope that one day you two will patch

things up for it seems you care for him deeply.

Myrmaad,what you went through was,without a doubt,horrendous.It was painful just reading your words.I can see

very well how you wouldn't want to give up the hate you feel.

Timihendrix91,it was obvious to me that you were taken aback by the affect your post had.I know your regret for the hurt it caused was genuine.Good on ya,bro.

I felt as if i had to post,don't know why really.Maybe i needed to.Perhaps to further my own healing.Life can be so very confusing.I know,no one probably gives a rats arse but its been real.Peace all..

Aeryn333 · August 22, 2008

Fascinating and sad and humorous posts...A topic whose title led me to believe the posts within would be of a humorous nature.However i quickly learned it was about pain and the power of words.Agreements were made on how repugnant the word hate is and of what cruel memories it invokes.I agree that words spoken without empathy are like arrows that can penetrate straight to the heart of one that is suffering.
There are some that feel that giving up hate would be like saying that the cruelty they endured was of no significance.
Or that it would make life less real. All are valid viewpoints,it seems to me.I don't like hating because
it caused more harm to me than healing.Hate seems to bring even more harm to the sufferer for it tends to harden
the heart.That's just my point of view "today".I was a victim of another's hatred as well and as often happens they passed on their hatred to me.I hated this person for what they did to me for thirty some years.Well,i became a drug addict and alcoholic.That's how i dealt with it.I'm 57 now and have only two years of freedom from drugs and alcohol.It seems as if i had to give up hating that person to stop punishing myself.Don't know if that makes any sense.
However i know that my solution,if indeed it is one,(only time will tell)is not the solution for everyone.We all have to deal with life's blows differently.We could try to see,tho, that pain is our common ground and that the power of words doesn't need to become a device to separate those that suffer.
Aeryn333 i understand what you mean when you say that words like hate affect you.I hope you find a way to heal from
what you've endured.
Snippet.

I do or don't give a rats arse...so many misunderstand that bit of colloquialism I have stop trying to explain..but its all good...

I will say this much..here in Eire..It can mean sometimes I care about those things, and they get me down, and sometimes, I don't, and i can deal, but need to share it.. and sometimes it just means what it is, depends here on circusmtances and whats being said.. venting can be a good thing, not just a bad one, venting can mean needed flights of fancy, seeming flights of 'craziness' is also another kind of venting that one needs at times, humour can get us through the insanities about us, with allitle venting flights, as you have seen, as well as baring ones soul, or just ones everyday flies that bug us..and we just need to say..Its a topic that offered freedom, for all kind of venting, as you can see..and that is a good thing..free of hate..

I am touched you took the time to read it all, and take it in...We are of similar ages, and I feel for you, and hope your healing continues also..la

Thanks for your wishes, mostly I am Ok..I still wake sometimes, feeling me Da's head in me arms, sometimes i still feel the blood on my hands, after a nightmare, that i cannot wash off.. and then the atrocities that happened to me after, all because of what we stood for, who we were and were hated for it.. that will be with me for a lifetime..thus why the word hate can so effect me, and I want nothing to do with even casual usage of it, for there is nothing causal about the words I hate..not to me..I tried here once to fit in, and realised I cannot use them, and maintain my integrity to what i believe ,so had to stop and create this place, yet judge no-one who feels they can, for they do not perhaps have the marks I do on me, to feel what i do when I see those words..everyone is different..

We can heal, but crimes of hate, leave their mark, that even in the healing can be triggered by seemingly harmless words by another...

Like you I ran the gamut of escapes, to no avail..drugs alcohol, and realised there are none..None that will wipe out that day..me Grans was me sanity and when she passed I lost it for awhile..a near death experience turned me life around,on that day i knew hate had no place in my life, it was killing me..

We all have allot to heal here in Ireland, even in our victory we are a country still of wounded people..the loses, the autrocities, to family and freinds, the things we felt we had to do for our freedom even, haunt many of us..and are hard forgotten, but forgiveness is the key..

I can't say I have love for Dubliners, or they, we Corkians, but I can tolerate them a whole lot better than I once did..Sínead O'Connor helped me allot with her music with that one..she being a Dubliner..I love that rebel, her and I are allot alike in many ways..right down to our haircut.. :cool: That helped my healing process about that ould resentment for them, in many ways..in the light of today..

As for the past Dubliners that did that terrible deeds, to Us, to me DA, to me, does not mean all are the same...yet our history between our two respective counties.. is a difficult one, and may take a long time healing..

Years of therapy have put it behind me, but I now know triggers exist and I must learn how to avoid them..such is the joy of PTSD..

What I did learn is I cannot abide by the word hate, or the energies it produces, and am glad to hear another say the same..

Ta for you kind words and your sharing, may your healing continue also...la

As we say here, go raibh maith agat (many thank yous) for your thoughtful open honest post, you were heard, and again thank you for hearing me..

Ta mate..

Slán

Aeryn

tyreil829 · August 22, 2008

Fascinating and sad and humorous posts...A topic whose title led me to believe the posts within would be of a humorous
nature.However i quickly learned it was about pain and the power of words.Agreements were made on how repugnant
the word hate is and of what cruel memories it invokes.I agree that words spoken without empathy are like arrows that can penetrate straight to the heart of one that is suffering.
There are some that feel that giving up hate would be like saying that the cruelty they endured was of no significance.
Or that it would make life less real. All are valid viewpoints,it seems to me.I don't like hating because
it caused more harm to me than healing.Hate seems to bring even more harm to the sufferer for it tends to harden
the heart.That's just my point of view "today".I was a victim of another's hatred as well and as often happens
they passed on their hatred to me.I hated this person for what they did to me for thirty some years.Well,i became a drug addict and alcoholic.That's how i dealt with it.I'm 57 now and have only two years of freedom from drugs and alcohol.It seems as if i had to give up hating that person to stop punishing myself.Don't know if that makes any sense.
However i know that my solution,if indeed it is one,(only time will tell)is not the solution for everyone.We all have to deal with life's blows differently.We could try to see,tho, that pain is our common ground and that the power of words doesn't need to become a device to separate those that suffer.
Aeryn333 i understand what you mean when you say that words like hate affect you.I hope you find a way to heal from
what you've endured.
Michlo,your hurt and anger is a valid response to your nephews lack of empathy.I hope that one day you two will patch
things up for it seems you care for him deeply.
Myrmaad,what you went through was,without a doubt,horrendous.It was painful just reading your words.I can see
very well how you wouldn't want to give up the hate you feel.
Timihendrix91,it was obvious to me that you were taken aback by the affect your post had.I know your regret for the hurt it caused was genuine.Good on ya,bro.
I felt as if i had to post,don't know why really.Maybe i needed to.Perhaps to further my own healing.Life can be so very confusing.I know,no one probably gives a rats arse but its been real.Peace all..

gandalf i would be honored if you would add me as your freind on the nexus from your posts i can see you have great wisdom

Col John Sheppard

myrmaad · August 22, 2008

Gandalf, you kind spirit, I am honored that you posted.

I sit here, right this moment, on pins and needles having just had a veritable panic attack but all is ok now, and this is why: my niece I love dearly, 34 years old, has struggled with a terrible addiction since she was in her teens. She came to live with me at 21, as she was abandoned by her mother (my mentally ill sister) and by my aunt, who promised my father she'd care for her, but turned her over to the state when she was 14. When I realized I was powerless against her addiction, that she was going to jail right after having her first baby, and that my own marriage and sanity was going down as she drug me down with her, I had to let go and put some distance between us in spite of how much I love her. She has been to prison three times. Nothing could rescue her from the powerful demon of addiction that possessed her.

But then, 4 years ago a man came into her life, a man as old as my husband, who has looked out for her, who cared for their newborn throughout her last imprisonment, who waited for her, and who has never ceased loving in spite of everything, and there were many horrible mistakes she made. Recently she found her way back into my life, and has allowed me, once again, to inspire her, and in return she inspires me! Because JUST NOW she was accepted into college and granted financial aid !!!! (JUST NOW!) so that she can study to become a social worker. The college where she is enrolled I attended myself, and they have an accelerated 5 year program where after your 4yr degree in Social Work, you can be granted a Master's Degree in Social work in one more year.

I can hardly believe that after all these years she is finally winning the battle against her illness, and she is determined to succeed. She's always had such great potential and if you could just see the change in her!

Anyway I'm very happy and grateful.

But back to the subject, I do want to assure you all, that I don't nurse that old wound, it's over, it's done, it's behind me. If I think about it too much I do feel some anger and pain well up, but life is too short to allow negativity to rule the day. And I truly believe it is never too late to make a change. I also believe that our scars become our stars, they make us deeper, more real, more honest, more astute, more insightful. I wouldn't trade my life with all of its tragedies for anyone else's because while I have been to dark dark depths, they have only made the ascent to life's pinnacles more sweet.

tyreil829 · August 22, 2008

we all have things we want to put behind... everyone...

Col John Sheppard

gandalftw · August 22, 2008