Trinity: A Fictional Story

[dezdimona]

I'm sitting here after reading what you said to me and about me and I'm tyring very hard to choke back the tears. For me to do what I did played hell with my mind after a while.At first. it was fun and enjoyment and the friends I made seemed to me to make the deception ok.

 

But as the scum crawled out from under their rocks, the things they said and did,to me,even though it was a personna,played heavily on my mind.it no longer became fun,and I cried on a regular basis,but I had uncovered something I as a woman and just a plain human being had never experience before. Pure unadulterated hate!!!

 

Hate for someone that was different,hate because they choose to be what they felt inside that they truely were,and hate just for being in existance.

 

It took my core being to just sometimes log in,knowing what awaited me,but I knew,I knew that if I were to make any kind of a story,I had to feel,what they must feel,taste the hate,the loathing that one human being can cast upon another.

 

My life changed, at times I would become sick to my stomach,at the things that were said to me,threats of physical violence, my parents cursed for bringing me into the world,and for what reason? The only reason was I portrayed someone sexually different,than the "norm. I was called every name imaginable and at times fought back,giving as good as I got,but time and repeatative abuse finally took me to a point where I had to,for my own well being,make that character vanish.

 

But I had made friends to and couldn't stay away,so I returned as me to some forums. Iwas happy and releived for my "other self" to be gone,but I still had to tell some untruths, I still had to on occassion deceive. You can't live one life for a year and suddenly hope you'll be the same person,that started that quest for knowledge. It's that part,that bothers me,I was angry and still filled with rage, and when that personna was brought back to life by someone out to punish I think another, my heart stopped,my spirit drained,and thats why I told Dani and you the truth.

 

I couldn't do it again. enough was enough. I quess deep inside the real me couldn't go through any more lies,deception or verbal abuse.

I'd love to show you the e-mail I received from someone,I truely think you'd be shocked at what one person can say to another( but after us talking about aspects of your life, probably not)

 

Thats why I don't respond to some things said against me earlier here.I never want to go back to that,it's not me and being the person I am, I just can't be that way towards others.

 

How these beautiful,loving and caring creatures can deal with some of that abuse in real life,just amazes me.They have spirit and courage,and for me,to bring some small enlightenment to even a few makes it all worth while.

 

Sometimes I still need to bleed, I still need to dispose of the luggage that I picked up on that journey, it helps my soul and my heart heal, and it lets me know that I can still feel,that I am a loving and kind person,with moral fiber and ethics, and that what I did was worth it,no matter how I may feel at times.

Thankyou my sister for allowing to dispose of somemore feelings,to hope that someone may read and see that there are some,who do care about injustice and hatred against others for no other reason than their sexual perogatives. Bless you my friend,and thankyou for sharing a part of you,with me and others here.

You are a wonderful loving person,and I am proud to call you friend.

 

ka nasain magpakailan man hawakan a magnais mantsahan di akin puso( you will forever hold a desired spot in my heart)

[josh900]

here's my opinion about the story.i think that it's quite good and i don't usually read stuff like this.you definitely have a talent for writing and this is actually written better than some stuff i've seen that's by professional writers.this also makes me realize how much my own writing sucks ;D

and conserning the people that hurt you and hated you while you were in that alternate persona.don't hate them back.they were just scared of you.that's where alot of hate comes from.people are afraid of things that are different and then they get mad because their scared and so they hate the thing that is different for scaring them.take it from someone who has spent his entire life dealing with people like that and has more than his share of physical and mental scars from other peoples hate.the best thing to do is to hope that they eventually get over their fears and realize that the people they hate aren't that different than they are.

[dezdimona]

Thankyou Josh. I don't hate any of them,I feel more pity for them than any other feeling. I can stay angry for a few days,I am human, but eventually I forgive. It's my nature to not hate,or carry a grudge,that stuff eats you up inside.I'd rather pity them and ignor them than carry their hate and animosity around with me.

I am glad you like the story. I am an emotional person,and open with my feelings about me and other things. Your correct,people will always fear what they don't understand,and they take it out on others because they dislike something in themselves,but its easier to lash out in anger than to search your soul, thats why some things just bother me .

I know me,the inside me,I've taken that journey and walk it again often. It made me the person I am today and also allows me to feel for others.

[jaysus]

have to agree with the others - really well written :)

tho if you ever intend to make it a book (and id say do it... just send some copies to some publishers they print so much crap they can print a good book too imo) maybe dont make use of a preword/text as you did here... its kinda like a spoiler (only if im not totally wrong)... now i rather wanna know when we finally learn

shes a guy

... instead of just reading and enjoying just to be totally shocked, stunned and undertsanding in the end... well maybe dunno im no writer :P

keep it up le

and let us know once we can buy the book ;)

[dezdimona]

Thankyou,glad you like it. I've still got some to add to this story,and then get really serious about sending this and other pertainent details out.but in my heart I want it,and I always follow my heart!

[jaysus]

mmh? what do you want? me love? eeek :P

 

actually i would like to read some of your personal journey even more than this fictional character... the pretext made me kinda curious what you went through and did just for the sake of art and information...

you met people on the net - then reallife - posing as a transgender? or is that fiction too?

[DracoRazgriz]

Dezi my Friend you don't need to divulge that information to me or anybody else. In my opinion that's an invasion of privacy.

Only if you wish to give that information freely of your own free will is that acceptable and Can Not be asked of you.

The fact your making a Fictional story based on your Experience's during that year is IMO an act of courage in of it's self and all that should be asked of you but I know that you'll do more than that because that's just the kind of person you are and I too am glad to be able to call you friend.

 

However he Is right in that you should make this a book. I eagerly await the day that this book comes out and while I may not be able to buy it right away, I promise you I will Scrimp and Save till I can. And Yes I have every faith that this Will Be a book. It also is a break in the norm that I read as well but I look forward to the day I can hold this book up, point to it and proudly say ' See this book, my friend Dezi wrote this '.

 

- Your Friend, Raz

 

PS-

I'd like to know if when this comes out if you could send me an e-mail or something like that?

[josh900]

if the rest of it is written as well as what we've seen then she will be able to get it in book form.and although i won't be waiting in line for it the day it comes out.i will eventually buy it.and like you raz this isn't something that i would normaly read.

[DracoRazgriz]

Well put Dezi. If I could Kudos you again I would .

 

- Raz

[jaysus]

no need to tell us what you dont want of course... no one is forcing you to anything... im curious nevertheless :)

 

maybe storywise somin that came to my mind while i uv mapsed around is that:

she gets raped but what is the reason motivation of it etc? i mean if i am right with my speculation its rather unlikely that these are boys from her school or boys at all... maybe some old scumbags... if not i think one needs a lil explanation... maybe shes bullied all the time and eventually - party - drunk - aggressive - blabla... somin like that maybe

its the main event/origin of the story until she gets her implants atm and thus deserves some background i think

 

later