Chuckle of the day

[humanbean234]

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

 

The bartender laughs, and says, "You know, we've got a drink named after you."

 

The grasshopper looks at him sideways, and says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

[Aeryn333]

One night on the small, dark Irish country roads an Englishman and an Irishman were driving recklessly and collided, demolishing both of their cars. Amazingly, the two men emerged from the wreck unscathed. Astonished by their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike of each other from that moment forward.

 

The Irishman at this point fetches a bottle of 12-year-old Jameson from his car and hands it to the Englishman who gratefully accepts it, removes the top and hefting the bottle in a toast, cries,

 

"May the English and the Irish live forever in peace and harmony!" Still shaky from the wreck, the Englishman takes several hearty swallows, draining a good half of the bottle before handing it back to Paddy.

 

"Eh, no thanks," says the Irishman, "I think I'll just wait for the Garda to get here."

Sorry no offence brother I couldn't resist... :whistling:

Cheers

 

Here's a better one..

 

 

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

 

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

 

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

 

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

 

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

 

The Irishman replies, "Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

 

[Michlo]

One night on the small, dark Irish country roads an Englishman and an Irishman were driving recklessly and collided, demolishing both of their cars. Amazingly, the two men emerged from the wreck unscathed. Astonished by their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike of each other from that moment forward.

 

The Irishman at this point fetches a bottle of 12-year-old Jameson from his car and hands it to the Englishman who gratefully accepts it, removes the top and hefting the bottle in a toast, cries,

 

"May the English and the Irish live forever in peace and harmony!" Still shaky from the wreck, the Englishman takes several hearty swallows, draining a good half of the bottle before handing it back to Paddy.

 

"Eh, no thanks," says the Irishman, "I think I'll just wait for the Garda to get here."

Sorry no offence brother I couldn't resist... :whistling:

Cheers

 

Here's a better one..

 

 

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

 

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

 

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

 

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

 

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

 

The Irishman replies, "Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

 

 

*chuckles*

 

No offense taken, sister. Actually, when I first heard / read this joke it was a man and woman with the woman being the sneaky / clever one. ;)

 

Also, my great Grandad was Irish so........

 

Cheers.