the girl

[reaper13]

this continues wildfire and shade's story if you don't know what i'm talking about read the storys at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1622179/mortul

 

read them is this order

 

1 wildfire's begining

2 shade's awakning

3wildfire's revenge

4 reunion

5 the first time they ment

6 the werewolf

 

now on to the NEW story...

 

 

 

Months had passed since wildfire had been reunited with shade. One of the first things they did was tell the emperor about what happened. The research, the testing, the escape and how they both completely destroyed the company. The emperor was furious with what happened. If wildfire and shade didn’t destroy the company he said he would order the legion to do it. He asked wildfire if he could do anything for opening his eyes to this. Wildfire asked only one thing, to be the empires main mercenary, which was accepted.

 

 

 

Now he was having second thoughts. The letter he was reading told him that this new job would be….different. Some warlords have banded together and are starting to become a threat to bruma. He was to head to the fortress of the warlords and dispose of them. The thing that bugged him although, was that he would be working with another merc. He was use to working by himself or with shade, who was away working on another job.

 

At the fortress (I don’t want to bore you with the journey)

 

He was surprised to see who he was working with. The merc was pretty small. The size of a wood elf. He was wearing full dadric armor and cared a cruel looking war hammer. “I didn’t know that they were that strong” wildfire thought to himself. “Well, lets get going” the knight said to which wildfire just nodded his head. “ his voice sounds strange” wildfire thought The two moved fast silently killing the guard at the door to the main hall. They opened the door and….

 

 

…walked into a brightly lit room. The doors closed behind them. They could hear wood planks sliding into place behind the door locking them in the room. “so you though you could just walk in here and kill us?” a voice said . Looking up the two saw five men standing on a ledge. “I’m afraid your job ends here….kill them!” at least 60 armed men poured into the room and surrounded the two stunned mercs. The five men left the room as archers aimed at the two standing in the middle of the room. One man charged the knight. He was sent flying into an archer courtesy of the huge war hammer. That was the only ordered assault. Everyone charged the two. The fight was more of a slaughter. Then an archer shot the small knight knocking off the helmet. Of course the archer was quickly killed. Wildfire was to bust to notice that the knights helmet was missing as they quickly killed the last few guards.

 

 

 

“well that went fine wouldn’t you say?” wildfire asked the knight turning to face him. When wildfire was the knights face he was shocked. If wasn’t a wood elf under that armor. It was a human. A young girl about 15 or 16 years old. When wildfire looked into her eyes he stumbled back and fell down in shock…the girl had shade's eyes.

 

dezdimona, i really want to know what you think about this.

[dezdimona]

this continues wildfire and shade's story if you don't know what i'm talking about read the storys at http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1622179/mortul

 

read them is this order

 

1 wildfire's begining

2 shade's awakning

3wildfire's revenge

4 reunion

5 the first time they ment

6 the werewolf

 

now on to the NEW story...

 

 

 

Months had passed since wildfire had been reunited with shade. One of the first things they did was tell the emperor about what happened. The research, the testing, the escape and how they both completely destroyed the company. The emperor was furious with what happened. If wildfire and shade didn’t destroy the company he said he would order the legion to do it. He asked wildfire if he could do anything for opening his eyes to this. Wildfire asked only one thing, to be the empires main mercenary, which was accepted.

 

 

 

Now he was having second thoughts. The letter he was reading told him that this new job would be….different. Some warlords have banded together and are starting to become a threat to bruma. He was to head to the fortress of the warlords and dispose of them. The thing that bugged him although, was that he would be working with another merc. He was use to working by himself or with shade, who was away working on another job.

 

At the fortress (I don’t want to bore you with the journey)

 

He was surprised to see who he was working with. The merc was pretty small. The size of a wood elf. He was wearing full dadric armor and cared a cruel looking war hammer. “I didn’t know that they were that strong” wildfire thought to himself. “Well, lets get going” the knight said to which wildfire just nodded his head. “ his voice sounds strange” wildfire thought The two moved fast silently killing the guard at the door to the main hall. They opened the door and….

 

 

…walked into a brightly lit room. The doors closed behind them. They could hear wood planks sliding into place behind the door locking them in the room. “so you though you could just walk in here and kill us?” a voice said . Looking up the two saw five men standing on a ledge. “I’m afraid your job ends here….kill them!” at least 60 armed men poured into the room and surrounded the two stunned mercs. The five men left the room as archers aimed at the two standing in the middle of the room. One man charged the knight. He was sent flying into an archer courtesy of the huge war hammer. That was the only ordered assault. Everyone charged the two. The fight was more of a slaughter. Then an archer shot the small knight knocking off the helmet. Of course the archer was quickly killed. Wildfire was to bust to notice that the knights helmet was missing as they quickly killed the last few guards.

 

 

 

“well that went fine wouldn’t you say?” wildfire asked the knight turning to face him. When wildfire was the knights face he was shocked. If wasn’t a wood elf under that armor. It was a human. A young girl about 15 or 16 years old. When wildfire looked into her eyes he stumbled back and fell down in shock…the girl had shade's eyes.

 

dezdimona, i really want to know what you think about this.

basically a good story. Ok I'll critique this for you

First use spell check,it will correct misspellings and add proper punctuation.

you want to involve the reader,make it seem like he or she is there. try this for an example

 

 

 

Wildfire asked only one thing, to be the empires main mercenary, which was accepted.

the king studied the mercenary, pondered for a bit and then agreed to his request!

 

 

Now he was having second thoughts. The letter he was reading told him that this new job would be….different. Some warlords have banded together and are starting to become a threat to bruma. He was to head to the fortress of the warlords and dispose of them. The thing that bugged him although, was that he would be working with another merc. He was use to working by himself or with shade, who was away working on another job.

 

Wildfire now regretted his decision, the message he'd received required of him to eliminate a gang of cutthroats, calling themselves warlords, from a fortress near Bruma.

"Damn" he muttered, I'm supposed to use another partner?". Does the King not know that I work with Shade alone?" Wildfire said outloud to no one.

"Of all the times to accept another job, Dammit Shade." he muttered

Crumpling the message and tossing it aside he went off to meet his new partner.

 

See where I'm directing you? You have a good basic story, add small details,make it more realistic,put yourself into the story as wildfire.

Hope this helps you,feel free to ask me,if you need help or want me to proof read something for you. Stick with it,you have the basics,now work on getting and holding the readers interest.

[DracoRazgriz]

Hope this helps you,feel free to ask me,if you need help or want me to proof read something for you. Stick with it,you have the basics,now work on getting and holding the readers interest.

 

 

If you like Reaper, I will help you as well in that regard. Having two people do this is IMO a good system....In this way one might catch something the other didn't or vice-versa.

 

- Raz

[reaper13]

thanks. i'll tell you two when i'm done with part 2. :thanks: again

 

also DracoRazgriz, i'm adding you to my friends list to keep track of you.

[DracoRazgriz]

Sure, I'll do like wise Reaper....though if were going to be friends, I ask that you just call me Raz or Ryan.

 

- Raz

[dezdimona]

Sure, I'll do like wise Reaper....though if were going to be friends, I ask that you just call me Raz or Ryan.

 

- Raz

what can I call you?

[DracoRazgriz]

Use either/or Dezi I really don't mind either one.

 

On one hand we have my name: Ryan

 

On the other hand I go by 'Something'-Razgriz or Razgriz-'Something' on all sites I have a membership on, so Raz is my preferred nickname on all sites I go to.

 

Although You Dezi can call me anything you want. ;) :whistling: