Comicbook: critique required

[Galejro]

The link is ->here<-

 

It is an incomplete 1st chapter out of 4

 

The comicbook I write is based on the Vampire the Masquerade universe (or this new blasphemus name World of Darkness).

 

Could use any advice, comment or critique on it.

 

I already know that the first 18 pages could use revamping. Some face drawings are atrocious so I will have to paste new ones in their place.

 

 

ENJOY (if that will be possible)

 

http://th09.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/120/a/3/new_face_of_kaine_by_galejro-d4y3pty.jpg

Edited October 16, 2012 by Galejro

[Vagrant0]

Can see what you mean about the faces. Might be better off just re-drawing those pages/panels since this might also let you use some more natural angles and poses. Overall the art isn't too bad, and unlike a lot of independent comic books, your hands aren't misshapen (many artists struggle with hands not looking weird or too "meaty", and is the reason why most early cartoons had characters with 4 fingers and wore over-sized gloves to simplify the process of drawing the same thing thousands of times).

 

I would however suggest running the whole script, and subsequent scripts through a good spelling and grammar checker, some minor mistakes as well as some wording that feels awkward. As much as you might focus on the artwork, it's also the words you use to tell the story which can make or break a comic. In the case of one instance, "demonic shout" just seems like bad placement without much impact since it is read as "demonic shout" and not "Grahhh!" or something similar. Unless you're doing narration, most tend to write sounds phonetically rather than describing what they are. Although it can lead to the occasional misunderstanding of what is being described by that sound, it generally helps make reading more fluid.

 

I'm not sure how those who hold the IP for Vampire Masquerade would view your comic, but I'm guessing that this is not something you are planning to sell, and are mostly using as a learning exercise or hobby until you have the skills to develop something on your own. Overall, it looks pretty decent, and I've certainly seen worse.