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The Darker Side of a person's soul


Necromancer G

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Like Woogie I love to fight but I usually lose total control of myself and continue to fight even after it over....basically I go berserk. I have an uncontrollable lust for fighting, blood, violence, and death..
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Like Woogie I love to fight but I usually lose total control of myself and continue to fight even after it over....basically I go berserk. I have an uncontrollable lust for fighting, blood, violence, and death..

 

And all hidden in such a handsome package. Scary!

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Well, um... I have what i call my 'monster'. What it is, is every violent, psychotic instinct in my mind put into one thing. usually, when I get mad I 'unleash the monster' in a mental senario I create to ease my anger.

 

But, it gets sick. It does everything short of what i take moral grounds against.(rape, racism, sexism, etc.)

 

if you've ever read Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, my thoughts are like his actions. only... worse.

 

 

I don't really like talking about this. And before anyone says I'm messed up, yes. i am. And i know why.

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The worst part of myself is how I would idealistically deal with rivals. I would rather cause permanent damage to them (i.e. reputation, records, etc.) than to gain a better position. It is like Falkenhayn's strategy during Verdun about "bleeding the enemy white." Just like his strategy in Verdun, my strategy has the similar result of failure.

 

I also view 90% of people as being worthless since the average American appears to be a knuckle-dragging, American Idol-watching, Bible-belting , moron (this list would be longer, but I think it would become too vulgar for this board).

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@Land: It's the people you mentioned(well, some of them, anyways) that are the reason I'm a socially submissive person with the dark thoughts that I have.

 

I can sorta relate to you. Except, rather than settle matters, I always feel like hurting them and making them understand the hard way. But I still have enough self control not to. I usually end up beating the crud out of inanimate objects. i hate that side of me.

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@Land: It's the people you mentioned(well, some of them, anyways) that are the reason I'm a socially submissive person with the dark thoughts that I have.

 

I can sorta relate to you. Except, rather than settle matters, I always feel like hurting them and making them understand the hard way. But I still have enough self control not to. I usually end up beating the crud out of inanimate objects. i hate that side of me.

 

It appears we have taken different paths. There was a time where I tried your method by taking out anger on inanimate objects, but I found it to be only a short term fulfillment. The reason I would rather cause harm than settle matters is because I am like you, a socially submissive person, but I am also vindictive, spiteful, and philosophically shallow. However, unlike you, I do not have that self control, unless I think there is even I minor chance that the whole thing can come back and harm me.

 

Fortunately right now, I do not have to worry about enemies, which means I can focus my energy on my studies and hobbies.

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I actually think I'm starting out that path. I lose control more often than I used to. The only thing that still helps me control it is that because of my severe antisocialism, I've never really gotten much excersize. I'm rather week and know quite well I couldn't hold up in a fight.

 

But I have lost control before. I once flung a chair across a classroom at someone who didn't get the picture of just how much he got to me. He's damn lucky I missed.

 

I've recently taken to writting. And I've recently found out just how much those six years of hell that I went through at that school had messed me up. Everything I write is dark, depressing, and messed up no matter how well I word it.

 

Because of that school, I was an 11 year old kid in therapy and was soon placed under suicide watch. 6 years later, I'm better, but the damage has been done. I'm never sending my children to a private school.

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picture a being . this man is heartless, Emotionless, colder then ice. he looks at the world with an always condemming eye. he wishes death on most he knows. rage flows like fire in his Veins. in short....a monster. some day's i wonder.....is this the true me?
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i was reading the first post and i don't think i should have posted here.....people HAVE seen the other side of me. and that side of me has got me through some hard times. fun fact: wildfire was based on the monster inside me. what wildfire looks like is how i see the other side of me.

 

 

to everyone who post here: anger is a gift. it's like a gun. you just need to aim at the right things.

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