Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 God One day a little boy went up to his mom and asked,"Mom, is God a boy or a girl?"The mom said,"Honey, he is both"The next day, the boy went up to his dad and asked,"Dad, is God black or white?"And the dad replied,"Son, He is both."At dinner, the boy asked his parents,"Mom, Dad, is Michael Jackson God?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Chu, Bu, And Fu Chu, Bu, and Fu moved to America from china. When they got there, they decided to "Americanize" their names. So, Chu called himself "Chuck," Bu called himself "Buck," and Fu decided to go back to China. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Four Worms, Four JarsA minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead. Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead. Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Who Says Rednecks Aren't Smart "Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Merry Christmas Buddy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Four SurgeonsFour surgeons were taking a coffe break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to opperate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded. The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangable." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Blind Bunny, Meet Blind Snake One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see." "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?" "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out." So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!" Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?" And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?" So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 The Guru, The Rabbi, And The Lawyer A guru, rabbi, and lawyer were all traveling to a rather far-off destination. It was quickly approaching full dark and they had yet to find a place to stay for that night. They finally spotted a farmhouse a slight distance away. Beside the farmhouse was a rather large barn. Walking over to the farmhouse, they knocked on the door and asked the farmer if they could room there overnight. ?Sure,? the farmer replied. ?But I only can put two of you up in the house. One of you will have to sleep in the barn.? ?I?ll go sleep in the barn,? the rabbi said genially, and so off he went while the other two followed the farmer inside. Ten minutes passed, and the farmer heard a knock on his door. He opened the door to see the rabbi standing there. ?I can?t sleep in your barn,? the rabbi stated flatly. ?You have a pig in your barn, and I just can?t sleep under the same roof as a pig.? The guru then volunteered to go sleep in the barn. Ten more minutes passed, and the farmer heard another knock on his door. He opened it to find the guru standing on his doorstep. ?I, too, can?t sleep in your barn,? the guru told him. ?You have a cow in your barn, and I can?t sleep under the same roof as a cow.? The farmer looked rather puzzled. ?I?ll go sleep in the barn then,? the lawyer stated cheerfully. The farmer, relieved at the lawyer?s cheerful attitude, closed the door, thinking the problem solved. Ten minutes later however, there was yet another knock on the door. The farmer sighed and opened the door--and found his pig and cow on the doorstep... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 The Lawyer And The GenieThere was a lawyer walking on a beach. He stubbed his toe on a bottle, when he picked it up, a genie came out. "You get three wishes," said the Genie, "But, for everything you wish for, every lawyer in the entire world gets TWO of." So the lawyer agreed. "I have always wanted a million dollars," he said. "Remember, every lawyer gets two million," reminded the Genie. The lawyer nodded, and got a million dollars. "I have always wanted a red mercedes." said the lawyer. On the beach apeared a red mercedes. "And I have always wanted to donate a kidney!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 Insurance A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.""That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ihoe Posted December 1, 2008 Author Share Posted December 1, 2008 horses A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks, stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses asses."One of the locals spoke up on hearing this: "Mister, you'd better watch what you say. You're in horse country." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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