They want to kill "I". Why? Help.

[Arukata3]

We aren't engineered for this. Fragile inconvenient body. I feel the sights trained to my skull, I feel the rays cast by its artifial, proxy eye, underneath my hair. They're trying to kill Arukata. You all are, you're after me. I want to leave my apartment because I have to, and the food is gone, and it is all bright and frame of reference is melted. The light hurts. Reality is tilted, and the self feels flimsy and weak. I keep working and I feel weak. I pay rent.

The doors scare me. I feel frightened. The notches in the casing whisper that I made them but I know the trickery and garbled spout they try to put in my head, I never trusted them to begin with. "Histamine, histamine, histamine, histamine." Poison, poison. Synaptic cleft. Dopamine. Garbled half formed. Get away from me, you're trying to hurt me, you're trying to hurt me, you're trying to hurt me, go away and stop talking your nonsense.

I push myself to venture through the hallway. The change in shade, I don't understand. When the lighten changes it gets unnerving I don't trust it. The pots and pans move themselves when I prepare a meal. I would like to sit on my own, with no one else, and have the pots and pans content to do the same. Stupid thoughts. Their thoughts are nonsense and draw no validity when contrasted to the base.

I come to a sea of electrons where no one knows "Arukata". Where no one should want to hurt me, or know to hurt me. The branches do not go that far. But even here. I want to communicate. I try to chat. The skull houses a ball of strings, and I try to help others with what is within. Arukata doesn't like to hurt others and never has or will, yet Arukata is hurt for existing? Stop hurting me. STOP. Stop stop. Leave me alone.

Aru (Island. Just like atoms with their respective quatum state. Surrounded by nothingness that is something because of its own nothing)

Kata. (Form and precision.)

I think Arukata means beauty, but I don't feel beautiful. That doesn't matter.

Arukata is accused of being more than Arukata. I am just me. I exist. That's what they tell me. The staff is all trying to kill me. They all want to hurt me. They keep silencing Arukata.

I want Arukata back. She is in space. We, are in space now. She is me, and I am her, so we are us. We are satellites. We want to communicate but they are hurting me and trying to dissolve like solvent to solute. Stop doing it, leave me alone.

I need to cook, my body is saying I do. But I won't. They won't leave me alone. The light is like a wiggly line, exploding from an old toy box. With the teddy bear walking. And old trains.

I want to communicate. Why can't I communicate here? Why is I "Banned" from the sea of electrons? Help. The durability of the past is a lie. I am me, but we are not suited for that any longer. We will bloody ourselves in defense until death, but we would rather not. We want peace. We want to be left alone and chat.

I am going to go to the chat when I feel okay.

Edited March 18, 2013 by Arukata3

[Arukata4]

I feel okay now.

 

I will chat.

[Thor.]

??????? I questions but does not speak :blink: :confused: :blink: Gasp!!!

 

Welcome to the nexus confused one???? or is it me???

Edited March 19, 2013 by Thor.