Brittn

Eck! its been long enough that i guess Im back at being a newbiew? ? So many old faces and so many new faces...but mostly the old! Ive missed you all my dears and yes, I do hope to start writing some more! But not now, its late....and im not as young as i once was! I just wanted to say Ohia! :teehee: :dance:

The sun was starting to descend in the sky casting warm colors all about, oranges mingling and dancing with pink and purple clouds. Twilight would be coming in a few hours and Riften was one place you didn’t want to be alone at night. Brittn nudged the massive beast onward to a small stable and dismounted. “Well, well. Look what we have here.” A gruff man came walking around the horses flank with a grin. “This is a good lookn' stallion here...how much was he?” The nord stared at her and crossed hisarms over his chest. “He is a family horse, got a problem with that,” she replied with an arched eyebrow. “no saddle, and no, well I guess we can call those reins.” Brittn fingered the makeshift halter and reins, she was proud of them, they were after all made entirely of grass and took a long time to make. “My sister made it, and I lost my saddle. I was sleeping alongside the road and had to get up in a haste. I do not appreciate what your hinting at, and if I were you...well I would back off, considering your talking to a customer.” The nord didn’t buy it, but let up enough to sell an overly priced saddle. Grunting she walked into Riften, to find a shelter of her own knowing that the shops would be closed up for the night. Brittn walked into the Bee and Barn Inn and was welcomed with the heat of the hearth and the smell of sweet rolls, of course there were plenty of stares to be accompanied that set a small chill in the room. “Ah, what is it you want, a sweetroll?” The inn keeper pushed a roll over the counter while Brittn settled down on a stool. She took a bite out of the gooey mess and sighed. Her mother used to make sweet rolls all the time, they were best when her father and her came back from a long hunt. Her father would describe them to the last detail when he knew they were close to the cabin, making her wait and laughing at her while she practically drooled all over herself. “Long journey I take? Humm?” “Yes, I have. I was told that a merchant here has a...claw. I was wondering who this man is?” “Yes....yes. I know who you want. His name is...Brynjolf,” the keeper smiled devilishly and returned to washing the counter. “Brynjolf. Your joking right?” “Why would I lie about something like this? You know who-” “Yes,yes I know who he is.” Brittn placed her hand up and with the other threw down some gold. “Im going to bed now.” “You called me?” A man with a throaty voice came just behind Brittns ear, she didnt need to turn to know who it was. “No I didn't call for you.” “Such a shame, I could have sworn I heard your sweet, sweet voice say my name.” Chills ran up and down Brittns back as Brynjolf placed his hand over hers. “I do need something of you though, so sit?” She yanked her hand away as if it had been burned. “Ah, I knew you would need me one day.” Laughing Brynjolf sat down next to Brittn and took an ale from the inn keeper. “Correction, I don’t need you, I want something you have.” she tossed an annoyed look over to him. “Same thing hon, same thing,” he grinned at her and took a long gulp of his drink. “Now what is it you want?” “You have a claw, and I want it.” She tossed a coin purse down on the counter and watched him weigh it with a whistle. “Well love, where did all this come from?” He arched an eyebrow at her with a wink. “Do you have it or not?” She snatched the purse out of his hand and held tightly to it, knowing his greedy fingers. He pulled a satchel off his back and undid the lacing around it reviling a gold claw. “I want the bag with it.” “Will you be staying here love?” Brynjolf looked around the place and scrunched his nose. “Its better than where you stay...in a sewer.” Brittn cocked her head and jumped off the stool walking right out of the inn. Grinning she held the coin purse in one hand and rubbed her thumb across one of the talons of the claw with her other. Brynjolf would go back to his little hole in the ground and have nothing in his bag but a bunch of sweet rolls, oh how Brittn wished she could be there to see his face. “Come on boy, we have a long night ahead of us.” Brittn mounted her stolen beast and slid the claw into one of the satchels on her new saddle grinning like a fool. Clicking her tongue stallion lunged forward on the road to Whiterun.

so cute! loved it! :D

As promised alooooooooonnnnnnnggggg time ago. Enjoy : D Part 3 Instead of leaving, the next hour Brittniana wonder around Helgen looking for anyone, or anything that might have lived. But there was nothing. Just burnt corpse of what used to be animals and people. The air was still lingering with smoke from the long burnt out fires. And held the sent of burning flesh and wood. It reminded her of how her Papa used to take her out hunting when she was a younger girl. The wood ablaze with the smoke drifting into the trees, mingling in the branches. The fresh game they killed stuck on a stick, roasting in salts and herbs its fragrance making them drool. Papa she would say poking at the embers is it done? He would look down at her and laugh. He would smile down and say the same thing over and over Almost, Britt, almost.Slowly she reached the gate when she saw a small corpse lying mixed with another one that was bigger. A small pang of pity hit her heart, no one deserves to die that young. Ivarstead or Riverwood. Brittniana hadn’t been to either in years, and was sure no one would recognize her. Riverwood was closer, but it was too close to where the dragon attacked, if it attacked again then Riverwood was next, if not Whiterun. Ivarstead was a small town further north into the mountains, a lot further and without any rivers or lakes on the way. She was all ready thirsty and hungry, the only game would be wolves and elk, possibly a cat. By no means was Brittniana ready to take on a saber cat, so Riverwood it was. “By the Nines! Look who we have here.” A woman walked out of a small cottage just as Brittniana entered Riverwood. The Riverwood Trader sign hung off the side swaying gently in the wind, its rusting hooks screeching. “Oh, come on Brittn. You haven’t forgotten me have you?” the Imperial arched an eyebrow over her too familiar green eyes. Camilla Valerius. Some said they could have been sisters, they both had brown hair, green eyes and sharp features that were alluring rather than repulsive or manly. Of course Camilla was more talkative and more dangerous with the boys that Brittn ever could hope to be, but Brittn brought out the adventurous side in Camlilla like she brought Brittn out of her own shell. She had grown a bit but was still rather charming, like always. “Camilla Valeris. Little flower girl.” Laughing Brittn and Camilla embraced. “Oh gods, its so nice to see you. And my, you have grown and have fulled out!” Laughing Camilla pinched Brittn's hips. “Camilla!” Brittn batted at her hands a blush rising. “So I did hear right. The Miss Brittn has returned to us?” Lucan Valeris, Camilla's older brother, walked up to the girls with a big grin on his face. He was hansom, no longer a boy that she had played with, but now a strong man. Still, she could see that little boy in him that she left all those years ago. He had the same eyes as his sister, the Valeris trade mark. “She is right, Brittn. You have grown.” A faint glint of light flashed in his eyes lingering in hers, but soon was gone as fast as it appeared. “Brittn, will you be staying for a while? You know, we have room if you like.” Camilla looked eager, at her eagerly and why shouldn't she, they hadn’t seen each other in years. “I am now.” She smiled at Camilla who lit up and looped an arm around her waist dragging her into the the cottage, laughing and giggling like they used to. “NO! You will not leave this house to go on one of you silly little adventures. Camilla, do you know what Faendal and Sven would do to me? They both wou--...” “Faendal AND Sven? Really Camilla? I knew you had charm, but two at a time?” Brittn laughed as Camilla shook her head holding back a smile. “And Lucan, you really think they could do anything to you? I mean...oh yeah, that’s right you are you.” Camilla burst into laughter as Brittn winked at him getting a jug of water. “She does have a point...”, Callilla said pointing at her brother an eye brow arced, “You may look built, but your just bones and skin.” Camilla pinched at his cheeks that were flushed red as snowberries. Lucna glared at her while he went to busy himself outside. Brittn cocked her head at Camilla who was pondering something, “so what is it he doesn’t want you to do now? Breathing air I assume?” Camilla giggled and shook her head, grabbing a mug of water also and sitting next to Brittn by the fire. “You remember that claw. The one my father gave Lucan,” Camilla glanced up at her sheepishly, “it was stolen.” “What? Why, everyone knows how much that claw meant to you two. Who would do such a thing.” Brittn stood up in disgusted, it was probably some lowlife bandit wanting to get rich. “You don't have any idea?” Camilla shifted uneasily and started rubbing her hands in her lap. “Camilla....” “We might know where. But I cant go and Lucan wont go. It just sits up there, glaring down at us, makes me sick you know.” Camilla looked at Brittn, her eyes misty. “Show me, and I promise, I will kill who did this, and find that claw.” Quickly the two walked outside. “You can take the bridge down there and follow the trail to the left. It will take you to Bleak Falls.” “Wait, wait. Bleak Falls?” Brittn looked at Camilla who nodded probably thinking she would back out. “Brittn, you must! Please! I don't...” “I already have,” Brittn smiled proudly at Camilla. “____You___ have it?” Camilla looked at her with lost eyes. “I went up there about a year ago, killed some bandits and got the claw and some tablet....” Brittn looked at Camilla uneasy, butterflies swarming in her stomach. “Well....” she arched her eye brows a hand resting on her hip, something Camilla did when she became impatient. “I don't have it,” Brittn quickly added that it was at her home in Solitude when she saw her face become red with anger. “Cam, I swear, I had no idea it was yours. I guess that's why I never sold it,” she shrugged her shoulders and promised to bring it back as soon as she could. “Now how am I going to get that damn claw back?” Brittn mumbled to the river outside of Riverwood. She couldn’t even remember where she was two days ago let alone a year, all she remembered was getting some really good gold off of it and nothing off of some stone tablet she got with it. The wind started to pick up making her shiver and bring her arms close to her, she sighed as she got up to walk onto Whiterun. She played with a coin purse that Camilla gave to her to get a ride to Solitude and for food. It wasn’t really Brittn's fault, it was hard being her. No place to live, barely any money to get food let alone a sword to defend herself on the roads. “Hi, can I have a ride to Solitude?” Brittn asked a man who was busy cleaning his horse. He looked over at her and smiled showing rotting teeth. The horse was a stunning black stallion, much like Prince was, but this one was not as fat. “Of course. Its been a while since a pretty lady has come my way,” he winked at her and took the money. They talked the whole ride up to Solitude stopping only to eat or to rest. “So whats a pretty lady like yourself doing out here? Looking for adventure? To kill some wild game? Join up with the Imperial Army?” “To find a lost relic of a dear friend's of mine. I found it a while back in a cave then sold it, the thing is I don’t know where I sold it.” She looked a the man helplessly, Camillia and Lucan was all she had left, she couldn’t go back empty handed. He looked at her a look of pity in his eyes. “So what it look like?” “Its gold, a golden claw. I means the world to them, their father gave it to them a year before he passed. And I just sold it....I had no idea it was theirs, honestly I didn't.” “Well you don't need to convince me, but I think I might know what your talking of. I heard there was a merchant out in Riften trying to sell it. No one wants it because hes asking too much, but you, you might be able to lower the price?” He said lowering he voice and winking at her, a knowing smiled spread across her lips. “I’m sure I could, but I don’t have the money to get to Riften.” “I'm sure we could come to some, deal?” He looked at her with such lust it made her want to throw up, he leaned into her, not knowing that she grabbed his dagger from his belt. “y-y-yo-you bit-” she sliced his neck mid sentence after stabbing him in the gut. Really she didn't stab him, he just wasn't aware of his surroundings, and the last part she just put him out of his misery. So she honestly was a saint rather than a murderer. “Damn fool.” Climbing up to the driver's seat she led the horse off the road and into some wooded area. She unsaddled the horse off the carriage and grabbed her money off of the now dead man, and anything else that could be of use. She hosted herself onto the stallion and petted his neck, clicking she urged him out of the woods and back onto the road. “Well, looks like I can take off buying a horse, now all I need is the saddle.” She kicked the beast onward to Riften. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Decided now would be a good time to shorten the name ^^.

Timeless It was early that morning, the birds were singing their morning songs and bathing in bird baths close to the home. Trees were now full of life just brought back from the dead of the winter and lush and green through the spring now ready for the start of summer. Pecan trees were dripping with their treats for the small animals that passed their way. Lillian paced in her grand Georgian home, biting her fingernails a trait that her mother would frown upon, as would most other women in her society. She would only do it when she was nervous or on edge, her mother would slap her hand if in the privaticy of their home, or if in public she would grab her elbow and squeeze until Lillian would stop. Her mother was like that, cold and harsh, but she did what she had to do. Lillian came from a poor family and had a not so good breeding. So off to boarding school she went and when she was home, it was still as if she were at school. Her mother judging her every move, criticizing her looks and words. If someone thought about it or even cared to, they would see that the woman didn’t even care that Lillian was her daughter, but instead a horse that was to be sold. “Misses, are you ready?” An elder woman with kind eyes looked up at her, but never directly in the eye for too long. It was sad though, their eyes were warm and inviting even with everything they had to live with. “Yes. I was hoping for the yellow today. Its so lovely by the river.” “Misses, yer not thinkn' 'bout goin down in de river is you?” Ruth looked up at Lillian with her eyebrows raised her eyes exited for the scandals thing Lillian might do. All Lillian could do was smile and blush deeply as Ruth roared in a hearty laughter. “Oh Lordy! Misses, you wou'nt!” “But Ruth! Its so hot, and the river, it just looks so nice. You wouldn't tell, would you?” Lillian looked at Ruth worry making her heart skip a beat, but calming when she saw Ruth shaking her head while laughing. “Evin if you did Misses, yer out in de middle of no wheres. Whos gonna see ya?” Ruth patted her shoulder as Lillian slipped into the long dress. Its silky smoothness clung to her exposing her arms and most of her chest. It had a small train in the back and a huge yellow hat that came with it Lillian walked down to the river that strung its way by her home. Twisting and turning every which way until it was no longer able to be seen. Disappearing into the great unknow. Lillian walked by it plucking a flower now and then to smell its sweet fragrance then twining the stems together making a small crown. She had seen many mothers do it before but never her mother. Her mother would be miles away sucking dry every last penny her father left after his death. She didn’t even call for Lillian after his death, she found out from Ruth who came to visit her a Christmas after. Lillian wished Ruth was her mother, she wished it often. Lillian didn't care about the color, just the color of Ruth's eyes. How they would warm up when Lillian would scrape her knee and she would rock her telling her how Lillian would be fine. It was always Ruth who was there, comforting her when she was sick or unhappy. Most would have said it was just because Ruth was a slave, but she always thought different. “Ma'am. What ever are you doing out here?” Lillian looked up startled by the sudden interruption of her thoughts. He was tall and dark haired. He had twigs and leaves sticking out and loose strands. He hadn’t shaven it what seemed to be a long while. His clothing was tattered and dirty, his fine brown boots were muddy and caked with dirt. He didn't seem to care at all what kind of condition he was in. For certainty it should have been her to ask what it was he was doing out in the woods. “I beg your pardon sir?” “What are you doing out here all alone Ma'am, are you lost?” “Am I lost? No, but it seems you are.” Lillian gasped at her own rudeness, her mother for sure would have given her eyes that could kill her. Lillian looked down in utter embarrassment, watching her blush creep up her neck in the rivers reflection, hurriedly she mumble out to him.“I’m truly sorry Sir, please forgive me.” “Forgive you?” The man looked at her a laughed shaking his head. “No, no. I am lost actually.” He smiled at her, still hiding his laughter at her embarrassment. Lillian kept looking down at her self, thinking if she stared long enough that she might be able to will the blush away that only seemed to deepen in color. “Ma'am is your husband home. I wou-” “I'm not married.” Lillian shook her head placing her hands over her face to cover up what was surly now the color of the red bricks of her home, again he just laughed the matter off asking for her father. When she replied that he was dead and that her mother was away, he just started at her. “Do you mind if I may boldly ask if you could show me the way to your home.” He started to trip over his words when he saw her look of bewilderment. He was asking her to take him to her house, just after finding him in the woods, well after he found her. But he must have been mad to ask a lady that. Then again what lady walks in the woods by a river all alone. “I suppose it would be no harm. But I do hope you know, I can scream loudly and can run very fast. As it looks that you are weak and tired, I'm sure you know it would be very easy to outrun you in your state.” Lillian arched her eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest raising her chin ever so slightly. He looked at her and smiled, throwing his hands up in the air and waling slowly to her chuckling a little when she took a few steps away from him. “Wouldn't dream of it Ma'am.” With that he started hard into her eyes, now she could see that his were a lovely brown rich and dark. There was almost something luring about them. A blush crept back up, how easily it was for him to do this to her was frustrating. Out of all the men she knew, not one could make her falter or feel foolish, but some stranger that she knew only but a few moments could. Grunting with annoyance she pressed on to the house, him following behind. “Ruth! Ruth!” Lillian's voice rang out to her maid who was no where to be seen. Then just as Lillian was starting to feel worried, the elder woman came rushing out of the house. “This is Mr.-” Lillian racked her brain to remember his name, when she remember she didn't know it at all. She looked to this man hoping he could read her eyes and he could. Anthony Felton. “Can you make sure Mr. Felton feels at home?” “Yes, Misses. I sure will. Oh, you got yer self a letta from de Mrs. Post. I set it in yer room. Come now Mr. Felton. I be showin you to yer room.” As Ruth passed by she winked at Lillian, sending a small smile to her lips. When she finally reached her room she collapsed into her bed. She hadn't even been gone long enough to be tired but she was. Just thinking about Mr. Felton sent chills up her back. But they were not of fear but rather of warmth that she knew she should not feel. She could see his eyes, and though he said he wouldn't dream of her, she liked to think other wise. Rolling over she felt her mothers card underneath her. She didn’t want to ruin her one moment she had of joy, but she thought and hoped her mother would say that there was no man in Boston that in his right mind would marry her. And that she was coming home to wait before she went back out in search of this long lost man. Lillian opened the letter and traced the lines, the black ink becoming a blur. Dear Lillian, I have found a man here in Boston who is willing to call upon you. He has agreed to stay a while with us before he goes to London. Be on your best behavior when we come, and do try to look appropriate if at all pretty. Reguards, Mrs. Chaple Mrs. Chaple, not even mother, just her name. Lillian dropped the letter in the fire place that would burn that night. Chuckling sadly Lillian pressed her face against the cool window. Oh Mr. Felton, it never would have worked anyways. So I was looking around Google for some writing prompts and found a great place. ( http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=writechallenge ) Anyways some of us...we two of us thought it would be fun to do a story tonight. And I couldn't decide what to do so she picked one for me.::: The story starts on a river. The story takes place a century in the past. During the story, there is a letter delivered. So here is what I did. I left it so that if I wanted I could keep writing, but I don't know. You tell me.

He stood at the top, all his work finally paid off. He worked so hard for this moment. To hear nothing from the background to know that people were watching in awe and fear of him. He was finally tasting what true power was, the flavor was bursting and flaming. Looking down at his reflection a small crooked grin spread from the corners of his mouth. Grey clouds were starting to roll in, the low rumble of thunder lingered longer and longer. Small droplets of rain fell from the sky and rolled down the boys body. Caressing and kissing his warm body leaving a trail of coolness. Without a second glance and without a thought to pull him back, he jumped. Everyone told him that falling was the worst thing. That falling off your pedestal was the worst thing that could happen. That when you reached the bottom that you were too hurt to try to climb back up. That your ego was bruised beyond repair, and that some people found it harder to go on. BUT, what if they were wrong. Is it so bad to fall, when you did it? Is it so bad to jump into the waters of the unknown? And once you fall into these waters, why do you have to come back up? Why is it that you surface to the air to watch the rest smirk down at you like your the crazy one? Or why do you sink, why? Why is it so hard to think that if you keep swimming and never look back that you just might be better off? With the questions raging inside his head he hit the cold water. It took him by surprise and chilled him to the bone. Opening his eyes was useless, the water was dark and blurry. Trying to find which way was up he spun around and around swimming aimlessly. Then his hand reached out. The cool rain was hitting it beckoning him out and up. Spinning around he saw the dive board a tiny figure in the distance. He was lighter than he had ever been, and a giggled escaped his lips. Soon he was roaring in laughter and thrusting his fist in the air. He won, not them. He did it, not them. He took his life back, like the arms of a mother after finding a lost child. He didnt know where he was going and had no idea, nor didnt care to think about, what was around him. All he knew was he was free, and was above the influence. He did pity them, the people he left behind; for they were never going to know what it felt like to fall.

This Day- Inspired by Sebastian Larsson - Into The Dark To get a better feel play the song while reading, or before. To get even better affect play Into the Dark, while also in another tab playing RainyMood. (should be the first to come up on youtube.) It captures what I feel of the story perfectly. Enjoy :3 There it was. The gong of the grandfather clock. Telling the people in the crowded foyer that it was time to go. To go say goodbye one last time. To know that its over and done. In suite the men and women flooded out of the old church with their children in hand. Grasping onto what life that they could find in their miserable state. Their heads are low and somber, eyes downcast and shield with unshared tears, the hands of death holding each of them. Gray clouds cloak the sky, keeping the sun from sharing its warmth and hope. Keeping its life and joy hidden and locked up tight. A cold breeze shocking people, brings them from their deep thoughts, brings them from their tiniest sliver of memories and back into the world. Where reality is all there is. Drops of rain fall from the sky slowly then faster, like the tears that each person wants to shed, buts feels as if it would be wrong and that keeping it in will help make things easier. So the rain runs, down peoples skin and soaking into the black cloth that everyone wore and was burdened with. Black veils, black gloves, black hats, black dresses and black suites that sadly held drooping black ties. Black trees and black birds. A broken black cobble stone path to a bleak grave site. A black casket on a hill waiting for the crowd of black to come, to send it off into the misery of a dark black hole. Though this is the one day that came every day in everyone's life, whether they wanted it to or not. Whether they forced it to come or if it came like a thief in the night. But it was a day where they did not have to feel alone, but still in some way they did. The feeling of disconnect and lonesomeness. Were fear creeps in and embraces the body holding tight and letting nothing in or out. This is the day were everything is slow and steady, measured; each step forced, each step harder to take. This is the day were it is painful to look down into the eyes of a new born. Knowing that the innocent twinkle in the eyes will leave and will be replaced with the knowledge of the evils in the world. That these eyes will no longer stare in wonder at someone, but will soon stare in a reflection and wonder why they are not someone else's eyes. Why these eyes are staring into deep blue eyes instead of rich dark brown eyes. And they will wonder why they are alone looking into themselves and not gazing into the eyes of a knight that will save them from hurt and sorrow. But the child is in the state that every man envies. The time where the world is theirs and they have time. They are in an utter bliss, surrounded by ones who say they are perfect, beautiful and will be everything. This child knows nothing of death, and how no mater your looks or wealth or knowledge, it will find you. The child knows not about how it will hunt you down and destroy everything. But it will. And woefully it will know before another man knew; sooner than anyone would wish. Just messing around with a thought I have been playing in my head. You know how people can look at a piece of art work and come up with a wild crazy story? Well I tried that, and now Im trying something new. Something I have been thinking, and well have always thought. Music. Music is my world and my everything. You know of this idea too, you do it all the time. Put on some music and go into your own world? Well this is what I have done. I have gone into my world and brought out what I could. To share with you. This is to learn about me and my style as I learn and study the art of literature. I believe that when you write it come from within, if it dose not then its not art, its just words typed out or written down. So as I learn more about me, I hope that you also do the same. Find a song that you like and write like crazy. If you would like and if you do do this, do post here.

Chapter 2 “agh!” Brittniana blinked her eyes against the dark night, trying to make out where she was. She lifted her hands up to her forehead hoping that the touch would somehow sooth the throbbing. Instead of it helping she winced in pain at the touch. A cut was on the side of her forehead, the blood had dried long ago and left its mark all the way down to her neck and in her hair. Slowly she sat up; looking around she saw what was left of houses and people all over the place. Rain started to drizzle as if the heavens were mourning the deaths of so many innocent lives. Brittniana tried to sit up but fell back down with a thud. “Well it looks like I'll be crawling from here on out,” she said to the rain. She rolled onto her knees trying to keep balance but fell face first in the mud. Spitting out mud a blood she crawled around until she reached the closest shelter. The door was still open but there was a mound of mud, wood, and rock on the steps blocking the door frame. She looked one more time around her, but all the other doors were either surrounded by some fire still ablaze or was also blocked. Balancing, she crawled onto the rocks and pulled herself up. When she reached the top of the mound she slipped and came tumbling down and busted her forehead back open. “Damn it!” She blinked back stars that decide to flash in her eyes blinding her. A little bit of blood trickled its way down her cheek, leaving behind warm kisses, tears mingling with it. Looking down at her bound hands she saw a small piece of sharp rock. Grunting she threw it down. “Useless,” she murmured, sliding backwards against a wall. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Brittn! Thomas!” A Slender breton cam running out of a small cottage just outside of Riverwood. Her muddy brown hair was trailing behind her. She reached the two a brought them in a deep embrace. “You have been gone so long, and with the storm coming. I thought...” the woman trailed off at the touch of her husband. Her Thomas. He cupped her pale face in his rough hands, and kissed her on the forehead. “Baretta. My dear Baretta, do you really think the gods would take apart such a wonderful family.” Thomas smiled and opened his arms, inviting Brittnaia in for a hug. “Its ok mama. Were ok.” Brittniana buried herself deeper in the hug and looked up at her beautiful mother's green eyes, a wide smile on her face. Her mother smiled down at her brushing Brittniana's unruly hair out of her face, but said nothing. “So what have you brought us today, eh?” Baretta said after a moment. Brittniana grinned at her and bounced away to fetch a rabbit off of Prince, their massive black stallion. “ I killed it myself mama! Papa said he didn't think I could, did ya Papa,” she looked to the fair haired nord who shrugged and looped a arm around his wife. “But I did! Didn't I Papa. 'Nice and steady. And Breath evenly.' That's what Papa said, and I did. And I got it!” Brittniana was breathless and could hardly contain herself. It was her first hunt with her Papa and she did better than she or her Papa ever thought she could do. “I think we might have a huntress in the family, my dear,” Thomas beamed down at his daughter and planted yet another kiss on his wife. Brittnaina giggled at the open affection and was soon swooped up by her father. “My huntress!” Thomas threw her in the air and caught her, he did this over and over while walking into the cottage, Baretta closely behind laughing as her child flew in the air and screamed with glee. ____________________________________________________ “Brittn! Brittniana! Wake up my child!” Brittniana woke to her Papa shaking her relentlessly. “Papa wha....” Thomas quickly covered her mouth with his hand, with a wild look in his big blue eyes he hastily whispered to her to be quite and grab her dagger. “But Papa, whats wrong?” Brittniana followed him with her eyes as he paced deep in his thought. “Hush!” He waved his hand at her while he paced, he twisted his ring and watched her; not really her but through her. He stopped and sighed, rubbing his eyes fervently. Shaking Brittniana looked behind her, trying to see what he saw. And there is was, if she had blinked she wouldn’t have seen it. “P-pa-pa, what is that?” She shot out of bed and ran to the window, but was slammed down on the ground. “Papa, where is Mama?” The look he gave her felt as if an arrow pierced her heart. His blue eyes were red and rimed with tears, his cheeks soaked. He scooped her up and slid over to the wall cradling her. Whispering some jumbled up words.“Papa?” He wasn’t looking at her, he was looking beyond her, down the hall, to the end of the cabin. Before Brittniana could think she lept out of his arms and was running to the end of the hall way, Thomas equally surprised ran after her. Just as she entered the kitchen a wolf burst through the door. She didn’t scream but stopped and looked at it. Its large black eyes pierced through her, as if they knew everything there was to know and then some. Her breath shorted, and fear was replaced by curiosity. She lifted her hand to it but ranked it back when its head fell to the floor. Her father stood there with is sword dripping with the fresh blood, a look of awe glistening in his eyes. Another wolf rushed in an lunged at Thomas, but he easily slid his sword into its stomach and out through its back, the wolf yelped in fear and agony before it hit the ground lifeless. She ran to the end of the hall way as more wolves came in knowing that her father could handle them. AS she reached the doorway she felt a cool breeze. The window was opened, no it was shattered, the glass littered the floor, but that wasnt what she was looking at. She couldn’t tear her eyes off the floor. Couldn’t tear her eyes off her mothers limpness body, couldn’t look away from the outstretched hand waiting to be saved from what was killing her. Brittniana took one forced step in front of another, eyes locked on her mothers hand. She collapsed there picking up her hand holding it in hers. How cold it felt against hers, and how limp it truly was. The creamy paleness now seemed frighting, and not comforting like it used to be. Her green eyes that used to be filled with joy and love were lifeless. Empty. Brittniana closed them, tears streaking down her own face. Looking up she couldn’t help but feel a little pride. The room was a mess, the bed was upside down, the paintings were on the floor in pieces, tables were knocked over, bowls were shattered, and on everything there was blood. “You fought hard Mama. You really did.” It was a raspy whisper, so soft Brittniana could barely even hear it. “Get out of here!” Brittniana shot her head up at the sound of her father. He wasn’t yelling at her, but someone else. She crawled across the floor and peeked out the door to see who it was that her father was yelling at. He was blocking the other man so he couldn’t come down the hall, but also the man was hidden from her eyes. “You killed them! Haven’t you done enough?” Desperation was dripping off of every word, but what did he mean by them, only her mother was dead.She leaned out further to her, but nothing was heard from the man; he just smiled. A mile that froze her blood and her whole being to the core. “No!” In a blitz second Brittniana saw her father transform. His fur was unlike the others, theirs were different shades of browns, but his was a soft gray. “Get. Out. Now.” She heard him say, oddly without him even moving his mouth, it was as if it came from...No, that was impossible. Him being a wear, far out but also possible, hearing him inside her head, no, it couldn't be. “Looks like we have company, Thomas.” The man's grin spread wider across his face, and seemed even darker. She fell back on her heels away from the door sucking in her breath. Regrettably she peeked back out, and the man was watching and waiting. “Hello, my dear. Your going to enjoy this.” With that evil smile, the man sliced her fathers neck, before he could even blink. At first she didn’t even think it happened, but it did and her father was on the floor reaching out to her, his blood draining out of him. “Papa!” A scream ran out her mouth before she snapped it closed. With her heart pounding she ran to her mother and ripped off a necklace. She flew out the window to the garden, running faster than she ever did to their small stable, looking in everything was dead. All the goats, chickens, oxen even the dogs, but Prince; he was still alive. “Oh dearie, where are you going?” A flash of lightning shot into the stables from the mans hands. Again he did it, but from the other hand. This time he hit a beam, making it crash beside her. He did it to the other one on the other side of her, a sinister laugh coming from the back of his throat. She jumped side to side each time a little yelp escaping from her mouth. “Please!” Tears were pouring now, fear was taking over. The blood was rushing in her veins and pulsing in her body. She was shaking all over her heart pounding and slamming into her ribs. She looked around for a way out, any way. “You know dearie, this is fun. Don’t you think? If I let you live...you can be like me. You want to be like me?” He looked down at her, a sincere question he was asking her. “You see, you are supposed to be dead, from a loooong time ago.” He drew out his 'o' and widened his arms for effect. “But I can help you, I can take you under my wing and teach you my ways. Wouldn’t that be fun?” “You mean....killing people?” “Yes! It is so much fun, I see something in you. Something that given the right attention, could make you famous. Give you riches and joy.” “You killed my mother and my father! Why would I want to help you?” Brittniana stood up, crying. “Well, I did kill your father, but your mother...no. I had someone else do that.” He looked down a look a pain flashed in his eyes, but just as quickly it was gone. “I would never kill Baretta,” he said something afterwords but it was too low for her to hear. “Your right, I will enjoy killing things. And you will be my first.” Before he could lift his head, Brittniana shot an arrow in his chest. Watching him stare at her in shock and then looking back down to his chest. He fell down on his knees and rolled over on his side gasping for air in vain. “I did enjoy that,” she breathed. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ “Papa!” Panting, Brittniana looked around her for that evil grin. It was all a dream. Just a dream. Crying she brought her bound hands to her chest and took out her mothers necklace. “Im sorry,” she whispered. Brittniana saw something in the corner her eye, a small piece of metal was in the dirt on the other side of the room. With out thinking she rolled to the other side and grasped it. “A dagger!” She screeched with joy as her hands were cut loose. “The gods are looking out for me after all,” she remarked sarcastically. Nearby, in one of the houses was a chest full of clothing, sure that the spirits would forgive, she put the pants and top on and was on her way out of Halgen.

Chapter 1 -- The sun was just starting to peek through the tree branches of the forest in the Falkreath Hold. The massive trunks were a blurry brown gray as the carriage weaved its way down a rough path. Birds fluttered out of the trees from the loud and sudden movement in their haven, crying out to each other. The air was chilly but comforting and warm when under the sun, the wind would sometimes rush though the carriages, cloaking the passengers making some shudder in its briefness. The road was bumpy and tossed the unbalanced passengers onto each other, unable to straighten out, most just stayed leaning on each other for comfort and warmth. "OH! Look whose finally up!" A bright blued eyed nord grinned at Brittniana. His hair was a rich blonde, his bangs were gathered into one braid that hung limply alongside his face. His nose was sharp and his lips were in a thin line surrounded by blonde stubble. His muscles bulged out from under his shirt sleeve, the vines visibly popping out down to his wrists. His hands were calloused and strong, like they could snap a tree in half if he wanted to. Brittniana winced in pain as her head hit the back of the carriage; not like it was all ready throbbing or anything. She tried to reach her hands to rub it but found her hands not only bound but tied to this stranger, and chained to the floor of the cart. "Damn Imperials don't know how to drive, eh?" The nord said sympothicaly. "What happened," Brittniana croaked out, lifting her hands as far as they could go. "Ambushed. Unlucky for you, they took everyone in the area....” “No, these. I mean, are they really necessary?” The nord just shrugged his large shoulders and stared at her. “Ralof." He pointed to himself, for what the The nord noticing her obvious befuddlement clarified that it was his name. "Im from Riverwood, just up the road from here. You?" Before she could answer, another nord who was sitting in the carriage chuckled at him. "I don't think the lass cares for you too much." He turned and looked at her, he too held the same blue eyes that the nords were famous for. His hair was a dark brown, and he was skinnier than the rest of the lot, he had to have been in the area just like she had. "Im Lokir of Rorikstead. I was..." "A horse thief? Aha that you were Lokir. Lokir the horse thief, how nice to meet you." Ralof roared in laughter as Lokir's face flooded a deep red. Brittniana tried to hide a grin from his obvious embarrassment. The man on her right laughed but it came out as a grunt, his mouth was gagged by some dirty linen. He looked at Brittniana with eyes so green that they seemed to shine. His brow creased and she knew he would be frowning if he could. He was dressed in the finest coat she had ever seen, the fur around the color looked like a snow wolf’s. She used to have a blanket made out of wolf pelts, had it her entire life until she was about 14. "What he do, try to talk someone to death?" Lokir snapped, bringing Brittniana back to reality. She blushed when she realized she had been zoning out while looking at him. "HEY! Watch your tone, this is Jarl Ulfric Stormcloak of Windhelm." Brittniana shot her head in Ralof's direction, praying to the gods he was only jesting. It could only be bad news if she was sitting next to the Jarl himself, the Rebel leader. Lokir's eyes held a new fierce fire. The fire of fear that Brittniana also held but only deep in her soul, she had to look though with these men around her. Like she had known all along, and wasn’t afraid of what was awaiting her, though the pit of her stomach twisted into knots. "By the..., if they have you then....oh gods! Where are they taking us?" Lokir started to shift uneasily in his seat his wide eyes darting around from face to face looking for an answer that he already knew. Ralof turned his gaze to Brittniana, a look of deep sorrow in his eyes. Unable to look at him she turned her head to watch the road behind. There was a soldier in the back that was watching her closely. His eyes burned holes into her, but rather of hate it was more of a...No. She had never seen this man, before. There was no way he could look at her like that, she was just on edge. She looked away from him and stared at her hands. Halgen, why thats not too far from... Brittniana's thoughts were disturbed as she saw a couple were walking to Halgen, laughing at each other from a joke that Brittniana was too far away to hear of. The woman had a bucket of water and her husband some wood. So happy they look, I'll never have that, all because I... No, this was not her fault. This was just some misunderstanding. She could talk her way out of this, she always did. "Its funny...When I was a boy the Imperial walls used to make me feel so..." Ralof looked Brittniana in the eyes a long moment before he muttered out safe. The defeated tone dripping off the word make her insides turn, how helpless, to work so hard and then to only have it taken from under your feet. But she knew this feeling, not in the same way, but still. She knew what if felt like to come so close to something then only to fall back down. Brittniana gazed at the nords who all held that same mask of Ralof's, who all held their heads low whose eyes held stories that would be erased with the swiftness as the blade that was to come down on each of their heads in a moment. Tears pooled her eyes when she saw the block in the center of the town and the henchman not to far away sharpening his blade, an sinister grin spreading across his face. "Soldiers, unload the prisoners.” An Imperial woman barked orders to her men, and had an evil grin spread across her face as she sized up her prey. “And welcome rats, to your death at Helegen!" Brittniana sucked in her tears and glared at the officer, wishing she knew some kind of spell. If I was in the war, I would have loved to kill you. She was just about to jump out of the cart when she slipped on her chain to Ulfric, a hand reached out and steadied her. It was the soldier from the road he was just about to say something to her when the Imperial woman barked out at him. For some reason Brittniana felt a little sad that he didnt say anything. "I bet I could out run those damn archers," Lokir mummbled to Brittniana after the soldier left. Before she could ask Lokir what he said, he was gone, laughing and yelling. She shook her head as an arrow was shot in his back, taking him down. "Damn fool," Ralof muttered to no one in particular. She watched as he walked alongside his comrades with his head held high in defiance from the officer calling him and his comrades rats. I wouldn't have mind getting to know you, in a different time "That was the last one." The soldier looked down at his list then looked back up at Brittniana. He asked her who she was, but his eyes said differently. It was as if he was begging her for something. She opened her mouth but said nothing, her plan to coax a way out was ruined when the Imperial woman came over looking her up and down, as if she were some cow about to be slaughtered for dinner. All Brittnaina could do was muster up a glare that she was told could melt stone. "Dose it matter Hadvar?" The officer looked up to her soldier with a bored face. Brittniana knew why the officer was so rude, she had to, in order to make up the height. Brittniana let a small giggle out. The officer shot her a look of death and stormed up to her so close Brittniana could smell sweat off of her. With a smirk on her face the officer tilted her head and told Hadvar, "She goes to the block also." The officer turned on her heel and walked to the block pushing and shoving the 'rats' out of her way. Hadvar looked to Brittniana with a look of desperation, pain, and guilt as he lead her to the group. Brittniana was the second in line to be killed. Roughly she was tossed down on the ground making her pounding head hurt even worse, she was kicked to where her head was inline with the basket that would catch her head.gods, please.... Just as she looked up to watch her fate come down, a dragon swooped in knocking rocks and dirt every where. She fell over looking in the dark red eyes that made her skin feel so, cold? It just looked at her, and even though there were people running about it felt as if she was alone, so alone and cold. She felt someone pick her up and take her to some kind of shelter. Its shadow loomed over her for a while before she realized it was Hadvar. “I'll be right back, stay here” he mumbled to her then left. “Ha-ha-hadvar,” she mumbled out to the dusty air of the keep. She crawled as best as she could to the door way and looked out. It was as if in some kind of dream, the dragon swooping down and grabbing men then spitting them back out from high in the sky. It was as if it were some game to this dragon, something to pass the time, but no one had ever seen a dragon. Brittniana heard stories from long ago, and knew they were not to be messed with. But this beast was nothing like the stories, but then what ever was like a story. Suddenly the ground was all she saw. She spat out the grass and dirt in her mouth and touched her pounding and throbbing head, tears were pooling blurring her vision. She looked left and right trying to find a clear path. But it felt as if everything was in slow motion she saw men running around shooting arrows, women and children were screaming but there was no sound. Only a high pitch ringing that wouldn't stop. People were being burnt alive and were trying in anyway to put themselves out, other people were weaving in and out of houses, trying to find a shelter from the dragon. Brittniana heard her name softly being called, the louder and louder. There she saw Hadvar shooting an arrow right above her head. A dark shadow landed beside her, fierce red eyes pierced into hers, then total blackness.

Prologue Jahfur paced back and forth in the tree line. His steps were light and didn’t seem to touch the ground. The air was warming up, and the fresh green leaves of the Second Seed were starting to dull. Bugs sang their songs and owls flew in the night looking for their prey. Jahfur hated this time of the year. All day and all night, it was hot and dry. Some years, it was hard to find food, let alone water. He would have to venture out of his territory to the commons to seek what he needed. Most of all, it was the month of betrayal, the month his heart turned cold and evil. He knew he was evil. He knew what people said of him in the streets and in all the holds. A snap of a twig brought Jahfur’s senses on high alert. He scanned the trees looking for a set of glowing eyes or movement. “It is only me, my lord.” Came a bodiless voice. Jahfur rolled his shoulders back and relaxed a little as a man approached him with his head bowed deeply and his arms crossed over his head – as if they would protect him. “What is it you want? I told you to wait for my signal.” Jahfur said angrily. Jahfur glared at his man. He didn’t know his name, nor the names of any others. He only knew the ones that proved themselves to be noteworthy. The man cleared his throat and stumbled over his words. “M-m-m-y lord, she has given birth.” He stammered. “You think I don’t know that, boy? Who do you take me as? An Idiot?” Jahfur spat. Jahfur could hear his heart pounding harder and harder with every step he took toward the boy. It brought up a little bit of pride in Jahfur. His men feared him, and that was how he wanted it to be. He was strong and powerful, and he wasn’t afraid to show it, no matter how harsh or cruel of a leader he seemed to be. He could smell the blood and the fluids that also came with a child. He could hear her heart beat, and it pounded in his ears, making his blood boil with hatred. “While you’re here, go ahead and tell them I’m ready.” Jahfur ordered to the boy. The young man ran as fast he could, eager to get away and be the one to give the lord’s message – something usually reserved only for the higher-ranked officers of Jahfur’s army. Indeed, it was rather less of an army, and more of a pack or clan. It was the night that Jahfur would have his revenge. He waited for many months, in agony that she was with him and giving birth to his child. He would not kill them physically, but emotionally – the same thing the woman had done to him. She had ripped his heart out and had trampled on it as if it was nothing more than dirt. Jahfur grinned when he heard a distant howl that was quickly joined by other howls. He came running out with a sword, blood covering his shirt and arms. Jahfur growled in disgust that he would have to leave her side and not stand by to protect her. Did the man really think that he stood a chance? In one quick motion, a wolf lunged from the nearby woods and snapped at him. More wolves then came and pinned him to the ground. The man tried to get up, but more pressure was applied every time he did. Soon, he was bleeding. Jahfur moved from his place, the moonlight casting an eerie glow about him and making his grin seem even more sinister. He laughed when he saw the man’s face turn red with anger. “Ah, Thomas, did you really think you could hide forever?" Jahfur asked as he stepped up to Thomas and grabbed a fistful of his hair, making him wince in pain. “Does that hurt?” Jahfur hissed as he jerked him upward, shaking off some of the remaining the wolves. “Guess what? I found you. You’re not very good at hiding.” Jahfur teased as he threw him down on the ground and kicked him in the gut. Thomas coughed up blood and tried to stand, but fell back down when Jahfur kicked him again. He groaned in pain. “THOMAS!” Came a high-pitched scream from the cottage. Jahfur knew that scream, and his skin burned with pleasure just remembering her face – her love that he once knew. Jahfur looked up and saw her body silhouetted against the light from inside. Her muddy-brown hair was longer, but still wavy. “Baretta.” Jahfur whispered, hunable to find his voice. Baretta was still breathtaking, even with all the blood on her. Jahfur instinctively took a step toward her, even though she didn’t love him anymore. He never stopped loving her, though. It took every ounce of strength he could muster to not cry when he looked into her green eyes. Her eyes were in so much pain, but they still had a hint of joy. They sparkled when she tilted her head to the left. Jahfur reached his hand to her face, but was greeted by a slap. Jahfur reeled back in shock and placed his hand on his now burning cheek. He brought his hand down and looked at it, expecting to see blood. “Wha...Baretta?” Jahfur fumbled as he stepped back from her, his heart breaking more than it already had. A small cry came from inside that made Jahfur’s insides twist and turn. Baretta moved her body to conceal the child from his view, but he easily pushed her aside. He stood in the cooking area, looking around for the child. He turned on his heel when he heard a small cry come from a back room, but then Barreta jumped on his back and made him fall down. “NO! NO!” She wailed and screamed, punching him with her frail fists. “I am done with you!” Jahfur roared as he ripped her off of himself and threw her across the room. Jahfur then assumed his true form. He howled into the roof, making Barreta and the whole cottage shake. Barreta grasped at her ears to try and block out the sound. Jahfur paced the room while staring at her, his large thigh muscles flexing with each step. His hands had morphed into huge paws with large, sharp claws. Barreta screamed out in pain as Jahfur traced a line down her back, drawing blood in its path. He laughed as he heard Thomas outside grunting and yelling for Barreta. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to kill her.” Jahfur mumbled aloud to himself. “I’m going after that monster.” Jahfur’s nose wrinkled when the baby cried out again. He walked over to the child and looked down at it, which caused it to stop crying. The babe was Barreta made over, and Jahfur couldn’t help but feel a little bit of guilt. He carefully picked up the little bundle studied it while sitting on his haunches. It wiggled in his hands, but even its small eyes were filled with wonder. “Thomas, NO!” Came a scream Jahfur turned his head just as Thomas came crashing into the room in his wolf form, lunging at him. Jahfur was too surprised to even think of an escape let alone a defense. How the hell did he get loose? He didn’t wait to ask, but rather leapt out a window. He held the child close to him and half-limped, half-ran deeply into the woods. When he looked back, he saw Thomas and Barreta fighting with his pack. Jahfur smelled a river nearby and ran to it. He sat on the embankment, watching the current flow and feeling the cool water licking at his toes. He looked down at the child and whimpered. He knew if anyone had seen him now, they would criticize him and call him weak. “I’m sorry, but this is for the best, young child.” He whispered. When he emerged from the water, blood dripped on the sand. He looked back in the river’s reflection and saw that Thomas had left a scar that started from the bottom of his left eye and ran all the way down to his neck. He briefly wondered how he had not noticed it until now, but it hardly mattered. It was over. “My lord? Where is the child?” Asked one of his wolves. “Our mission is complete. We go home now.” Jahfur answered. “Sir? The child? I don’t see it.” The wolf repeated. “Do you question me?!” Jahfur roared, showing his teeth. The wolf lowered himself, drooping his tail between his legs and saying silly things to see if his vain words would save his life. “We go home now.” Jahfur said again, glaring at the wolf then running off. The wolf walked close to the water, but ran after Jahfur when he heard him yell. I want to Thank Soul For his help!! :D

Its Back Why didn't you do what we asked? Why didn't you do all this the first time? Why wouldn't you let them help you? You knew it was bad. You knew it would come back. So why didn't you? Did you think at all? Did you think about what would happen to me; about my kids one day? Did you think about your grand-kids? Did you think of your sons? Did you even think of your wife? Why not?! Well its back. Just like we all knew. And now its come to stay. Till your very last day. You asked how much time to fix. But don't you know, you cant fix anything that is already shattered. You don't have time any more. You took too long. You were oblivious as to what was going on. No, you weren't, you just weren't thinking. The hourglass has fallen and broken. Now were left to pick up all the pieces, to gather as much sand as we can, before the winds of time blow it all away.

There is a throbbing pain inside my chest, shaking me to my core. This new thunder rolls deep inside my head, rocking my body to a restless rhythm. Tears pour out of my eyes and down my cheeks like drops of water in the driving rain; relentless. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I though I knew pain. I thought I knew desperation. I thought I knew isolation. I thought I knew what I was going through. But I had no clue. I had no idea of complete lonesomeness. I had no idea of what a hole in a heart felt like. I had no idea until you were no longer mine. I had no idea until you walked away leaving me in the cold. The sad thing is, this has happened for years; and I had no idea.

omg Ita! :D Well she called me back and she is putting the check in the office so I can get it tomorrow. But yeah so I will be payed if i do over night camps and then if she needs 2 councilors during the days then she can pay me, and im at the top of that list so yeah its turning out ok. But the reason why i was working for lessons was because my parents would not pay so I was working to get them free and to also go to the shows. And she will pay me for the shows like we talked about. We just had to clear it all out. but yeah still not sure if i will be working or not so agh! *pulls out hair*

ok so before Spring break started I went to a horse stable and asked if they needed any help. They said yes. SO I started talking to the boss (Mrs. Tommy) and we decided that I would work during the week and on the weekends. Now on the weekends I would go to horse shows and she would pay me, same as during summer. I would do the camps and she would pay me. Now I worked over spring break like we talked about and I got free lessons. Now she is saying that I wont be payed in the summer, but instead get free lessons like I did for Spring break. But she also said that Im going to be watching her 4 year old son,NOT the campers like we talked about. Also, she cant pay me because Im not 18? Errrr, people babysit when they are how old, 15? So Im POed because her son is the fridggen devil (I SWEAR he IS!) and I wont be getting payed for it, and if I dont then my plans for graduation is basically screwed. BUT I did find another stable that has just started and they are looking for help in the summer with campers. So Im talking with them for work. BUT OMG! how rude of Tommy not to talk to me about the changes before-hand. As I found out the changes from my mom who talked to her about something and topic changed to me. I mean I dont have "PUSH-OVER" stamped on my forehead. yeah a lil rant of mine. Have any of you had a boss do something incredibly rude, or just down right wrong to you or another co-worker? Stupidity of it All

Yeah no story here I sowy. But, it has come to my attention that we should keep of 'stuff' in order and so that we dont lose our art and just to keep things tidy. SO, this is where I ll be keeping alllll my work. So I'll go ahead and put all my work up now while I have the time and energy ^^. The Same: I have his laugh and my jokes are his. I have his eyes and smile. You say Im just like him in every way. You say Im rebellious like him and that my soul is un-tamable. When you tell me you have no joy. You look like you could cry. So why do you tell me. After all you no longer love him. If I am him, then you don’t love me. But I guess your right I am like him. After all I cant keep you with me. I cant get your affection anymore. Your eyes judge me now every time you look at me. You say that I do every thing wrong and that I will never get anything right. You say Im screwed up because of him. But I don’t even know him. You took me from him, because you thought it was best. I was alone for years of my life. You wonder why I cant bond with you. Because you were never there. You never held my hand to cross the road. You never told me about love and life. Hell I know nothing about you but you gave life to me. How is this that I live with a stranger that Im supposed to love. Do you even remember our song. No why would you, after all you don’t even know my first word. You cant remember anything about my early years. It was “My Girl”. I bet its not anymore. For Im too much like him….and you hate him. I guess that’s why you don’t care anymore. There is a new one here with another man who you wont leave and he wont leave you. I cant help but feel left out. After all I have no blood in them, and you already don’t want me anymore. Is it really wrong for me to want to be her. To want to feel that love that I was deprived of. To know the warm embrace of a mother’s arms and the proud smile of a father. Yes this man is my new father, but he doesn’t look at me the same. After all I have none of his blood. His family doesn’t want me anymore now that she is here. And I don’t have any physical true friends. So is it so wrong to feel this way. To feel alone in a world with billions of people, is that wrong. In your eyes this is all wrong, for everything I do is wrong. All I can say to her is that I lover her and that I wish her the best, and that I promise I will be the sister I never had. And that if you ever leave her like you did me, then Im there for her, and that she is not alone. I don’t hate her, I envy her for she will have everything I could have ever dreamt of. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Strong: In all of our lives we will go through hardships. We will cry so we can laugh. We will fight for our right to live.We will dance the night away and lover our lovers for the rest of our days. We do sail the great sea of unknown and are tossed around and beaten and broken.We sometimes make it out, and other times we don't. I can tell you for sure, I have been in the unknown and back, this is my story. It was any other day for me at school. My little sister had just turned 3 the day before and I had a joy unlike any other. My parents tried for many years to have children. Something to share their new married joy. I apparently wasn't enough joy for my dear mother and step father. SO in trying they had many a children, all of whom died within months of conception. So after a while they stopped telling people, stopped telling me, so when the break came it wouldn't be as hard. So when this little light came into all of our darkness we all did our best to shield it from the winds of life.I had waited 13 long lonely years to have a sibling, I had always wanted an older sibling though someone I could look up to, as my mother never seemed to be around. But little did I know, on this day she was on the verge of being taken away from me forever. Upon getting home, the fear of the unknown was tossed in my face. It was a fear that brought me to my knees in shock and in borderline tears. It was a pain of knowing that the one thing that mattered most to me was scared and alone somewhere in the sky, on her way to try for a chance to live. It was this realization that my sister had a brain tumor and no one knew if she would live or die. The few days that I was with her, she would be screaming and crying. She would see a nurse come in cry her little eyes out, begging someone to make the nurse stop, because she knew what the nurse was there for. I would look to my parents to find some kind of comfort, just to hear one of them say that she would be OK, but no. That comfort was reserved for them, so that they could lean on each other in their time of need. Still, instead of comfort or just anything, but I saw the fear and stress on my family’s face, I felt the unknown hanging in the air suffocating us and driving us mad. But it was here that I learned something that I will hold in my heart and that I will cherish forever. It was when I watched my sister finally fall asleep and listened to her heart on a monitor. It was when I watched my parents sleep on the floor tossing and turning trying to fight off the fears of night. It was when I saw the moon light dance along the ocean waves that it all hit me. A long ago saying that I was told came drifting into my mind as I was just about to fall into a deep slumber, “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have.” And it was in that chair that I knew I had to be strong for my sister, family, and most of all for myself. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was love. In all honesty, you saved me. You woke me from a long slumber, that I thought I would surly die in. You opened my eyes to the precious moments life could bring. You let me feel something I never thought I would feel. LOVE You have no idea what you have done, and may never know. You will never know the joy it was to hear that you were alive and well. You will never know how my heart was overwhelmed when I heard your heart for the first time. You will never know how I melted when I held you in my arms. LOVE Your body was so small and your eyes so big. OH! your eyes! Such a beauty. To see them looking back at me, so wide and in wonder. It felt as if I knew what you you were thinking, when you put your tiny, frail finger to my face and smiled. LOVE It was love I felt those days...and its love I still feel today. My little sister, how much I love you. And how I wish you could know. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Wont? You say I wont. You say that I am scared, of what they will say, of what they will think. You say my heart is racing, you say my heart is jumping, you say my stomach is turning, that the butterflies are swarming. You say that I am scared? Do my blue eyes betray me? Do my cheeks burn red, like that fire that is raging inside me? Do you hear my heart pounding, like the roaring of waterfalls? I crack a joke and show a smile. Trying to hide whats really going on inside. Trying to hold back the tears that want to pour, from all of my inner war. But you look on. You look inside. Your green eyes laugh at me, mock me. You can see that I am losing the war. You can see the pain inside. You know that right now all I want to do is hide, maybe even die. Fear turns into rage. Into anger that I would show any weakness. Weakness to you,of all people. The lioness inside has awoken, growling and daring you to keep looking. My skin prickles from the new heat of my blood boiling, racing in my body. My small smile, turned into a twisted grin. My eyes look back, eyebrows arched, laughing back at you. I wont back down. I have a strength that you don't know, the kind that I don't show. The kind that I forget I have. But I am a rebel child. I am that shooting star in the sky. The one that shine the brightest when its needed most. I am the cloud in the day. The kind that is taken for granted, yet is always there. I stare hard at you. My blue eyes piercing into your green ones. I say no... I am not scared of them. I am scared of what I tell myself I can't, and somehow turns into I wont. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Insane “Insane” we call him, laughing and joking at him. He runs, every where. Where to? Know one really knows. He just comes and goes. Hes different. Yes, mentally, but also there is something else. Hes has a kind of glow, but he doesn’t see it. He just runs with his head held low. Hes afraid, but yet also brave. Its hard to explain, but somehow, just looking you could know. You could see, see his glow. We try so hard to send his mind on idle chases. But we are the joke to him. He laughs inside that you can see in his eyes, but you would never know by his words. He knows what we, and the would thinks, but he knows what we don’t. He drowns us out, scribbling in a little black book. There is a silent urge, just to take on quick peek. Just to take one silent look. To satisfy this new hunger. Its a small book that he writes in. No lager than my hand. There is an old book smell, like when you walk into a library. Its pages are old and worn out, yellow and some even torn out. Big scribbled words clung to its pages...all unheard. Laughed at and pointed at as I read, I got into the “insane” kids head. Troubled he is and insane his words, but hes still a kid full of hurt. He writes of death and life, pain, love, and hate. To these things we could all relate. His words are obscure clothed in shadows mysteries unknown; hard to follow. Truths written in code all of them unknown. Their hard to show, but somehow I know know his glow. Though he is insane, I know his pain. I have some of his pain. We all would know it, if we would just stop and take a look. Just one peek into his book. Into his world. Still, most will laugh. Most will point and call out. In this world we run. Where to? Know one really knows. We just come and go. Am I “insane”? Are we “Insane”? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ What Is It? Do you know what it feels like; to stay up all night. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for you to call; just to hear you say its not real. Just to hear you say I love you and that there is nothing to fear. Just to feel your arms one more night. Do you know what that feels like? Do you know this feeling? The wanting the pain to go away, the hurt to leave. The wanting the tears to stop, and to let the smile glow. Do you know what it feels like to hear the house creak and moan. To hear the trees beat upon the window and the wind blow. To hear the thunder roll and the rain pitter-patter. To see the shadows dance on the walls and see lighting glow. Do you know what it feels like to curl in a ball and want to disappear? To reach out and find no comfort near, but only a fear. Do you know what it feels like to be heart broken? Did you ever love me at all? What is it that you wanted? What was it that you needed? What is she that I am not? Why, why, why? Do you know these words? Do you have them in your mind too,or was I nothing to you? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHO I am.... Its the hills laden with snow in winter of North Carolina. Its the fireflies in June on a hot Oklahoma Summer night. Its the party at night on every Louisiana street. Its the ocean waters kissing my toes on a Georgia beach. They are the places the grew me. They are the places that hold my history. They are the places that I cherish. They are the places that I call home. When I think about my childhood, I think of many things. I think of the pain and sorrow. I think of how I was forced to be an adult too soon. But, I some how always over look what went on around me, and not really see how lucky I am to have been where I have been. These places are filled with good and bad memories. These places hold the truth to who I am. These places are what made me and what break me. It is but my final years here, that I have truly understood who I am...and why I am. And to these places and to those people, I thank for what they have done, continue do, and will always do; Make me stronger and proud of WHO I am. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember I remember my past. It haunts my every thought. It grips my heart with its cold sickly fingers. Its smile is evil....sinister. Its eyes are hollow and dark, it has no soul. I look to my future. It welcomes my every stumbling step. It holds me in its warm embrace. Its smile is a mystery....unknown. Its eyes are filled with pride and love, its the hope of a better life. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Hate I hate the fact that we were so close. I hate the fact that we laughed all the time. I hate the fact that we told each other everything. I hate the fact that we were like sisters. I hate that I cant get your laugh out of my head. I hate that you were a big part of me. I hate that I told you everything. I hate that I trusted you. I still wonder why we gave everything only to find that in the end, we're left with nothing but this hate.