Alkser

Hello everybody. Been such a long time since I last posted here. So I decided to share with you all a poem I recently wrote (like few days ago). I only ever wrote 3 poems in my life, since I'm more focused on stories and songs at this very moment, but lots of people tell me that I should try to write poems a bit more. So here is the one I want to share with you, I named it "I will be" If there will be dark, I will be the lightBut not the light of the sunNot the light of the city I will be the light at the end of the tunnel,But not your deathI will be your hopeI will be your guide in this life Your messenger of hope,Messiah of happinessI will bring you backShow you the colors of life,The clouds of messagesI will lend you my hand You shall then go on,You will then be the angel. Like I said, it's a really short one, and so far only one person understood the message behind it.

And please can you tell me how to fix this??I really dont know what to do because i dont get any errors or other things when everything blocks... What browser are you using?

Allow me to answer on your last question. £1.29. ~ 2 $ £2.99. ~ 4.83 $ £8.49. ~ 13.72 $ £14.49. ~ 22.93 $ £24.49. ~ 39.58 $ £49.99. ~ 80.81 $ You can also do like me and buy a Supporter subscription, it's 2$ and it's lifetime as said by Lanceor.

This is a short "story" I wrote a long time ago, I believe it was in September, 2012. As I was checking my documents on laptop I found this one read it again and thought to share it on here. So here it is, enjoy it. Life is sometimes weird. Sometimes it's beautiful. Sometimes sucks. Sometimes you wish that you aren't even alive. But then again, there are good things in life that make it worth living. Worth to fight for. Many things happened in my life, from bad things to good things. Many times I wished to get away from Tuzla. To go somewhere far away and to never return. Away from everythinng and away from people. But when I think about it, I can't help but not to question myself..why? Why should we run from our problems? Why should we run from life? True, life isn't always good. And it's true, many bad things can happen. But then again, your friends and family are here, who love and support you. On their own way. I think a lot about different stuff. Sometimes I think way too much. About my friends, life in general, shits that happened, even about people that I don't even know. Sometimes I even think about things that didn't even happen. Lately, hate and anger is growing in me, even though I hide it. I hide it cause I do not want to worry my friends, parents. I hide it not to worry my brother. This morning when I was in police station with my father, a woman with 5 year old sun reported her husband for violence. What kind of a father do you have to be, to do a violence in front of a 5 year old kid? But then I understood something. I used to "hate" and dislike my parents. But now I actually understood that I have great parents. Parents who forgive me for all the dumb shits I do, for all my problems and even for my lies.Some people think that I'm one of those guys, who don't have any problems. Who's always happy. Who has everything in his life. But in truth, it's far away from that. I have had lots of problems, and lots of times I hide them and I fix them on my own. That's my way of growing up. Sometimes I am happy, sometimes I am not. I believe that nobody in life is fully and perfectly happy. But now, to have everything in your life..it really depends on the way you look at it. People would probably find me insane if I answered on that question. They all think money and a big house means to have everything in your life. But I think of it in a different way. I have something I always wanted: True friends. That means for me, to have everything in my life.Some people will never understand what it means to have true friendship. To have real friends who'd help you no matter what the circumstances are. In the good things in the bad things. Even if you're on your worst possible stance. Because of this..life can be good. And because of this..it's worth living.

This is..amazing ;O

This is something I wrote on my language few days ago for someone special. So I decided to translate it on English (I know it's not perfect and it probably has grammatical mistakes) and share it with you guys, so here it goes. I continued to move on, not knowing why. Asking myself why? Why do I go on? Cause of what? For what is worth to fight for? I never had answers on these questions. Nobody could respond, what is the point of living. They keep being quiet. I hate silence, but I love to be in it. Strange they would say it. I looked for a sing, for a message. I looked for an answer from Him. I didn't get one. Then she came. She. She, who enlightens me.She who maybe is answer on all of my questions. She who unknowingly helps me. She is..different. She was good in everything. She had an amazing smile. She was happy. Or at least I thought so. She was so good. Or that's what I thought as well. She's mostly impatient. And she's so curious. She..makes you feel loved. Ever since She came, it changed. I changed. And the way of life. Since she's here, things are different. It's not like it was before. I started to get answers. Is that the message I always wanted? Is She the answer on all my questions? Did She come from Him? More and more time, I have spent with her. Doing nothing but talk with her. She's different. And I felt so much more different being with her, than with someone else. That's something words cannot explain. Did I start..to change again? But this time in a different, better person? She laughs when it's the hardest. When I don't want to smile, she makes me to smile. She doesn't know it but I do. It's not the same. Things won't be the same without her. But she will leave..if she leaves..but eventually she will. Why? I don't know. Pessimistic thoughts that I had came back. She's so wonderful. She's beautiful as well. When she's here things are automatically different. Sadness vanishes, there cannot be depression, just..just happiness. Just laughter. Is she an angel sent from There from Him, himself? I told myself "Do it". I told her. Actually, we said a lot of things to each other. 7. 7 days passed since then. Since what? I myself, do not know. In these 7 days, I never felt better. And it started. I started to change. He, my friend, noticed it. He wants for me, all the best. He believes that She's the one. I believe so too. But what is stopping me? Fear? Feelings? After all..how can I know those are feelings? Because I feel it? I don't know. I gave her a sign. I still give her signs. Messages, Indirectly I showed her. She didn't get it, or at least it looked like that. She didn't answer. She never, gave me an answer on that. We, never talked about it again. I still do not know her answer. Confusion, from her side, I cannot understand. We forgot about that. That night, was one of the better ones. Time..time..like it stopped. It was.. unexplainable. I felt so many things back then. Those hours. So many things, passed through me that night. I thought. I thought..I made it. I did it. But apparently not. I lied on the bed, thinking about her. Still. Then, to answers I came. She is the one. She is. She is the reason I go on she's the reason why I want to move on. She's the answer on "Why". She's the answer on "Because of what". She is the reason worth fighting for. She is the one. She's my point of life. She is my cure, my drug. She's my first and last thought in the day.

I guess that all of us have a friend like this. And all of us have that evil side in us. Some show it more, others show it less. And thanks a lot again for the comment!

Thank you a lot for this comment. And thank you a lot for taking your time to read this. Means a lot to me.

Hello welcome to the forums and have fun modding! And that's a nice laptop ;D

Ban brokenenergy for not talking with me :C

The part you're about to read is depressive and dark, read with caution, might make you wonder about few things. This part is called: The Dark You, right after the beginning "And here we are" You came back. You changed a lot since then. You became, everything, but nothing you wanted. You started it, but recklessly, unthoughtable. You're annihilating yourself, but not noticing at all. Unemotional, forgettable. Why did you become so graceless. You're acting so ghastly, it's beyond my mind. Never thought, that such a person as yourself could become so repellent. Why are you so fatuous? You were always clear-minded, but now you are narrow-minded. I want to help. I want to change you back to old you. Unwillingly, you do not want. You say you enjoy your new life. I can see in your eyes, that is wrong, we both know it. We both know, you're depressive. Why is it so hard to explain, to open yourself again? What exactly happened in such a short span of 2 weeks? You went away, didn't say anything. Came back annihilated. Making me wonder whether it's my fault or not. Indeed, I did do a lot mistakes, that could have cost us a lot. But that was some time ago. But you're now, different person, I have never seen before. You became immoral. You were always kind, but now you are indecently wicked. You were never like this. You promised you'd never change. You promised that you'll never become something you did not want. You promised. You broke the promises. Yet I still am not mad, thought I should be, but I do feel bad. Ever since you came back, you became petulant. You were indeed always serious, but it was nothing compared to this. Did you get back the despicable thoughts you had? The darkness that was never there, is inside of you now? You were so emotional, you knew how to love, how to show love, how to show emotions. You are now hiding it, saying it's the man's biggest weakest to be over-emotional. You never thought of it that way before. Ain't you realizing that you're exactly the opposite of that? Ain't you realizing that you're destroying yourself? I should have never allowed you to go away. I should have came with you. I should have risked everything I had. Maybe nothing of this would have happened..or would I get dragged into the darkness like you, if I would have gone with you there? You're rude to everyone, including to me. It became hard for you to say sorry. It became hard for you to show appreciation. I still am here with you, but sick of your behavior Always lethargic. Always. Sleeping whole day, doing nothing, but staring at a blank point on your wall. You don't want to talk about that. You barely even talk anyway. You don't want to do anything. Back to that point of life, when you stopped caring for anything. Everybody has "the dark side of us". I guess you are showing us, that side now, that's been inside of you for years now. I know you for 5 years, but I never knew, you could be like this. That you, yourself say things you never said before. Giving up on everything, vaguely remembering things, hitting yourself for the past mistakes you made, despising yourself, for the way you were, but not knowing that you're even worse now. Your mind, full with the demons in it, blocking all the path to the good things you've done, you wanted to do. How could a person like you, change drastically in just a span of 2 weeks? You never answer my questions. I ask, you stay silent, like you lost your voice. You barely even pronounce few words. We just sit,in complete silence. The dark you;that's what I call you now. Ghastly acting towards everyone, annihilating yourself, became so repellent, narrow-minded, the opposite of everything you wanted to be, forgetting everything, 90% of the time, you're lethargic, depression flowing through your veins, you became so insane.

Welcome to the Nexus!

I actually wrote this on English, didn't translate it from Bosnian. I have better inspiration to write on English language haha :P And I understand what you're trying to say, and I'm already used to the way you're writing, so don't worry about it :P And thanks for the post!

Thanks a lot for your comment! :D

Yesterday I wrote this "little" story, one of my strangest works, as one of my friends said, who read it today in school. It's about somebody, very important in my life. Just wanted to share it with you all and see what you think (ignore the weird tenses, it's supposed to be like this) I was not good at hiding things. I was not good at drawing. I was mostly serious. I didn't know how to joke at times. I didn't know if compliments were real or fake. Or backhanded. I am not as smart as I say I am. I'm not good at singing. I'm mostly unsure. I was never late on meetings. I was always early. I didn't hate to wait I just disliked it. You were good at hiding. You were always good at keeping secrets. You were never weak. You hated weak people. You despised men that would cry. You were always strong. You were always patient. You knew how to be kind when I did not. You knew how to be a good friend. You hated yourself at times. I couldn't run long distances. I was mostly pessimistic. I was rarely optimistic. Even if I was optimistic, things turned out bad. I tried to fix the mistakes; I made bigger mistakes. I was mostly asking simple questions but getting complicated answers. I loved to write songs. I loved to rap. I hated being alone, but I still have to be alone at times. I never admired people. I hate to read books, but I still read books. I always wanted to write a book. I sometimes live in my imaginary world. We went to many different places. Visited many different towns. We went to Sarajevo. We went to Doboj. To Zvornik. We went to Mostar every month, at least once, until we did not. We tried to hang out with people. We tried to have parties. We tried to go to parties. We wanted to do useful things, but we never did. We wrote a song together, but we never recorded it. We didn't know how to have fun at nights without alcohol. I was bad at writing songs in Bosnian language. I knew how to rap on my language. I memorized English lyrics faster than Bosnian. I didn't congratulate anyone on anything. I didn't know to explain where is something located without pen and paper nor with it. I was mostly dissapointed. I was good at pretending to be happy when I actually wasnt. I used to lie a lot until something. I didn't know how to translate most of my songs to Bosnian. I spend at least an hour every day, imagining life of happiness. I always knew when my friends were in bad mood. I didn't always know how to make them happy. I should have forgiven my friends for all the things that weren't their fault. You were great in emergencies. You were never complaining, but you complained in yourself. You knew how to comfort people. You were good at meeting people. You always had girls chasing after you. You ignored them. You were good with strangers. You were never by the windows wherever you were. You hated them. You love to party, but you never party. You were always getting invited to them. But you never go. You loved to be in quiet places, but you love to be in noisy places. You always knew how to dress properly. You had clothes for everything. You tried to make difficult things seem easy. You were always the hero. You were never immune. You were the most popular guy in the school. I was always apocalyptic, never neurotic. I always copied things I liked. I always listen to songs nobody else does. I was not afraid of silence, I just hated it, but loved to be in silence. I was mostly imagining my phone ringing when it didn't. I was frustrated by my own pessimistical thoughts. I took you with me to Mostar when we didn't go there for 3 months. I wasn't surprised that you were not surprised. I enjoyed to be there. I shared my happiness with you, diminishing our happiness. I wasn't going to dance at your birthday party. You were never depressed, you were just unhappy at times. You forgot the meaning of suffocation after you met me. You suffocated a lot before, but that just made you stronger. Your behaviour at times made me defensive, made me to rage. I hated to rage. I love to do random things. I love to talk with strangers. I enjoy to meet new people. I was a bad sleeper. I have to stay awake for hours, before falling asleep. I googled things I could never ask or talk about with parents nor you. I tried to learn to live the way you're living. I could never learn. I hated people to whom sex, drinking and alcohol was everything in their life. I had friends who'd rather stay at home and watch TV than to go outside. They told us to do it. They told us we can make it. They told us we will be popular. Nobody told us how. You could always stand up for yourself. I couldn't. You never watched TV. You were mostly writing songs that didn't make any sense. You loved to write, loved to record. You hated to go to school. You hated to study. You never wanted to go to college. They said you'd be the next Eminem. You could rap perfectly. You never wanted to write something serious. We wanted to live together, but we never did. We wanted to go together to Italy, but we never did. We tried to spend more time recording, but we did nothing but write. We never mentioned her. We never talked about that night. I knew you still loved her. I didn't care about your boredom, I was just bored with you being bored all the time. My happiness had nothing to do with happiness. I diminished it. You never wanted to meet my parents. I met your mother. Your father was dead. You were sad, mostly, but you never wanted to admit it. You broke so many hearts. Until you couldn't. At a certain point you didn't want to do anything. At a certain point you were depressed. At a certain point you hated everyone. At a certain point you were suicidal. I almost failed to help you. I couldn't tolerate your suicidal. Your defense, wasn't really defense, merely offensive defense. At a certain point we didn't want to record anymore. Isn't it funny that if I told my friends the truth, they wouldn't be my friends? Isn't it strange that truth hurts more than any lie? At a certain point you stopped caring. At a certain point you stopped trying. You couldn't tolerate many things. You couldn't tolerate people who lied. I couldn't tolerate double-faced people. You had double life. You had everything but not happiness. I mortally feared small mistakes. I felt annihilated at times. How could I possibly explain the despicable thoughts I had? You never wanted to adventure, go around the world. You hated to travel, despised to be in car. I loved to travel. I always fantasize about going to Rimini again. We both were doing well. We both wanted the same thing. You were jealous at people who succeded. I did many things. I made many things. But your approval means more than anything. You never wanted to talk about your family. I knew everything. I want to be somebody in life. I want people to love me for who I am and not for who I am not. You didn't care about that. You wanted to be happy, more than anything. You hated depression, but you were depressed at times. You suffocated a lot, but you didn't allow people to see it. You were good at pretending to be something you were not. So many things happened but none that we wanted. And here we are; we are not kids anymore, we are adults. I'm not 16 and you're not 25. I'm not childish anymore and you're not overrating anymore. I'm not Adolescent anymore. We both are now adults. We now are responsible for our actions. For all the things we do. I considered myself as an adult since 16. You were always an adult. You were always acting like that. You were always serious. But not always serious as serious. You didn't want to do stupid things. But you still loved to drink every now and then. You couldn't possibly imagine a day without a drop of alcohol. You just didn't know to live a normal life. You live alone for over a year already. You were always important in my eyes. I'm not child anymore. I'm not unemotional as I say I am. I'm over emotional. I do things on my own, but not always on my own. I suddenly spoke, suddenly realized, suddenly wrote, suddenly reasoned, suddenly despised, suddenly happy, suddenly mad, suddenly bad. I was always slow at changing. But I still changed. Slowly, but I changed. I'm changing and changing and with more time passing I'll be changing more. I'm not dissapointed anymore, just silent. Not unthinking, but reckless. Not unemotional, but emotional. Not caring, but caring. Not forgeting, but remembering. Not being distant, but closer. I reached the middle. But for what? For what did I imagine my perfect world of happiness? I never will be there. You went away. And with that, I crushed. You said you'd call, but you never did. You said you'd email me but you never did. For what did we do those things, now lost in the darkness pits of our life. Why did we imagine the perfect life we always wanted to have? You could never answer my question "What would we even do in such a life?" Alkser, October 1st 2012