Once there was a golden cheese lying atop the army's daisy cutters because he was recently kicked by every duck in the southern islands because of the lasagna becoming increasingly stinky and mean towards them. This time they would enjoy transforming into lasagna eating monsters that would obliterate all Italian restaurants because they're racist toward practically everyone else other than Irish Snaggle Chickens whose eggs were white but very good for you and it would be even better if you boiled them with cheese but watch out, Alistair is about to smash you and steal the golden Mario statue which turns you into a plumber which really sucks toilets. However, Alistair loves cheese and has just seen a large Burmese python named 'The Vyper' which doesn't like cheese cause it hates Alistair who stood on a huge pile of cheddar, propped up by a footstool with the most horrible floral pattern on it. Leliana, Morrigan and Zevran were sleeping peacefully when everyone loses the end because they couldn't find the beginning of the Harry Potter Dungeons and Dragons game which doesn't even begin to show how Potter kills baddies with snot rockets coming from an overused cheese grater dipped in bullsquid acid and used as smoke bombs. Then, Ender killed the lights and dropped the most precious little gold ring ever into the well which meant Alistair had cursed the little thing like a trouper. Of course Alistair had woken the others who got angry and tried to get the ring off Alistair who did a barrel roll and threw Zevran down the stairs of Vigil's Keep and that's when Morrigan burst into song. Her voice sounded sexy, luring Alistair to want to kick Zevran for even being there. Morrigan then used a joke spell which meant that nothing could be taken very seriously. Once our heroes crossed the Bridge of Death, they found they were going to be in serious trouble. Morrigan's joke spell, with no map they tried to find out where they were, causing right old scene. Suddenly, a big bowl of macaroni & a wheel of cheese appeared before them. They stopped for lunch and ate the bowl of macaroni 'til they were drunk. Then, Fladnag appeared. "Oh Maker!" said Leliana, gasping like a landed fish. Then, Fladnag spoke, "Oh crap," he said, slipping over the spilt melted cheese nearly crashing onto Alistair while he got his sword, accidentally stabbing Fladang and causing a diplomatic incident, "Oops..." Alistair said, grinning. "Wad'ya mean "Oops?" Fladnag imposed while lying on Alistair's stomach tickling him with a fluffy cow. Suddenly, Zevran front flipped over both and kicked Morrigan in the groin, "Tis not a good sign for one such as you." said Fladnag. "Now we must all join hands and close our eyes and await tickling from flying monkeys." Crash, bang, whollop was what followed. Fladang then somehow found the secret of the Italian mariachi band's musical success, deciding to ditch everyone and run away with his dragon. But suddenly, Morrigan cut the cheese for another picnic and invited all apostates to swoop down for a ritual that will help Flandang to have bowel movements. "So, that's how it goes," Alistair murmured. He passed the Paper Spear of Doom to Fladnag, saying "I'll trade it for a lifetime's supply of pikelets." Fladnag was about to say "Yes" when he accidentally blasted the spear which burst into endless clones of Leliana. These Lelianas jumped onto Fladang who flew into Alistair, making him drop his cheese, "Maker's breath!" he spluttered, "watch where you fling your meatballs!" Alistair ducked and bumped his head knocking himself out. "Brilliant!" said Elissa as a stray bandit wandered into the tavern. Elissa picked up Alistair, poked Fladang and kicked the bandit before taking Alistair to Ostagar. When they were almost there they realized Duncan told them it was Denerim they were headed towards. "By Andraste's taste buds!... Where's the map?" The map that should lead them to a magical realm of nothingness in between Elissa's squishy head and Alistair's orange, dirty sock, was left in Elsweyr and is now in M'aiq's hands. So now they must find the blue magical armadillo`s washing machine or die horribly! They had laundry to burn, and they kept kicking a cat for luck. M'aiq appeared suddenly in the tub with the magical laundry detergent which turns laundry into cats or even into jelly filled ducks. Alistair stupidly emptied the tub and tried to use a sock to suffocate M'aiq but couldn't find a legitimate reason to waste a valuable moment in time, when he took an arrow and gave it to M'aiq, Elissa looked at Alistair who was watching her as intently as possible. Somehow M'aiq got them a hammer to use against Morrigan, pretty silly as she spilled the detergent on Zevran who'd kill her but was too late, Alistair already used a bad joke on her and tried shapeshifting into a broomstick but instead he became a tree. "Is that Harold?" "No, its Potter, Alistair Potter." he answered quickly, lest anyone think otherwise. "Alistair Potter and all you others shall fetch me the shards of the detergent bottle M'aiq licked and then you shall walk on warm sands and rest to magically receive a healing potion in a mug," announced J'zargo. Unfortunately Leliana pick-pocketed it and promptly dropped a mini Leliana clone into the middle of them which started a revolution in the larder. Alistair impersonated Morrigan by waving his nose in the map to pinpoint their destination. "South of Denerim," said Elissa and off they went into the southern part of Fereldan. They came across Old Tegrin, who tortured the duo, was totally lost and annoyed Alistair with a feather that made him into a walrus. Luckily Morrigan found warlus eating griffons which upset Alistair who begged to ... ride on one ....
