Funniest Movie Moments

[Dashyburn]

It cracks me up every time I see it, Ace Ventura pet detective, the scene at the institution in the pink tutu when Ace says "I'm gonna execute a button hook pattern, super slo-mo" then "let's see that, in an instant replay". The scene where Ace demonstrates the sound proof glass sliding door, with the "ahhhhhhh" whilst he opens and closes it as well as so many other little things like "excuse me. I'd like to ass you a few questions" The entire movie is comic genius and in my top 10.

 

Then there's Flying High, the funniest movie I have ever seen, a crack up from start to finish.

 

What are some of yours? :D

[Dashyburn]

Expanding the title of the thread to "ANYTHING FUNNY"

 

The state of the world is weighing upon me heavily, in order to lighten up I need some amusement, so c'mon, anything funny will do, jokes, whatever :)

 

I'll start it off with some from my old mate Rodney Rude, an Aussie comedian from the late 80's, toned down to avoid a banning, lol

 

Not sure if the slang term 'Ring' is uniquely Aus, in case it is, we use it in place of 'anus', instantly makes many things mildly amusing to us, Lord of the rings, The ring, etc.

 

Here we go

 

"Did you know that Putin has just opened up a three ring circus? him and 2 other assholes" :D

 

"Putin needed some elephants for his circus, so he purchased 20 of them and decided to walk them to the location, so off they went, to keep them all together they walked trunks holding tails, crossing the train tracks a train hit the very last one killing it stone dead, so he sued the railway for 20 times the cost of the one elephant, cause when the train hit, it pulled the assholes out of the other 19" :D

 

"Went to the doctor the other day, hey doc I says, hey doc I need ya to check me schlong over, hey checked it over and said there's nothin wrong with it, I says yeah I know, but Isn't it a bloody beauty" :D

 

"I was at an ATM when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over" :D

 

"What's the difference between a 12 inch schlong and an onion?, nothing, they both bring tears to your eyes"

 

"How is Trump going to shut down the Education system? by renaming them all to Trump University" :D

 

"What does Melania see in Trump? ten billion dollars and high cholesterol" :D

 

"What is the Beach Boys song Kokomo actually about? All the places Trump has bank accounts" :D

 

"Many people enjoy wizzing their name into snow, Chuck Norris enjoys wizzing his name into concrete" :D

 

"If Chuck Norris was a Spartan in the movie 300, it would be renamed to 1" :D

 

"Chuck Norris doesn't dodge bullets, they dodge him" :D

 

"Putin at the airport at the customs desk, the customs officer asks 'occupation?' Putin replies, no, just visiting" :D

 

"Trump advisor says 'You shouldn't have called Putin to congratulate him on winning a sham election' Trump replies 'why not? he called to congratulate me' :D

[HeyYou]

 

"Putin at the airport at the customs desk, the customs officer asks 'occupation?' Putin replies, no, just visiting"

Ok, that one cracked me up. :D Thank You.

 

And, something funny: Trump announced he is running for pres in '24...... Like he actually has a chance. I will ENJOY seeing him humiliated again.

[Dashyburn]

Here you go :D

 

Putin wants to build a moon base for Russians to live there permanently, when the astronauts were asked "are you sure you want to live on a barren, lifeless wasteland" they said "No, that's why we want to go to the moon" :D

 

Zelensky calls Putin, "wanna hear a joke", "sure" says Putin, "Ukraine" says Zelensky, "I don't get it" says Putin "you will never will" says Zelensky :D

 

Putin propagandists said Nuclear war is ok because patriotic Russians will go to heaven, heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO :D

 

The fortune teller says to Putin "I see you on the car, arriving to a parade, there's a huge crowd, they're crying with happiness when they see you, everybody is overjoyed" "Great!, who will I shake hands with then?" asks Putin, the teller replies "Nobody, the coffin will be closed" :D

 

Someone got 25 years for calling Putin an Idiot, 5 for insulting Putin, 20 for revealing state secrets :D

 

When Putin was installing Windows, Microsoft had to accept his terms and conditions :D

 

Putin says to Zelensky, "when I die, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave" Zelensky replies "Nah, never been fond of waiting in a line" :D

 

Putin, Trump, Xi Jin Ping and Kim Jong Un jump off a cliff, who wins? Mankind :D

 

Putin goes back to the fortune teller, "when will I die?" he asks, "I cannot tell you the exact day, but I do know you die on the day of a Ukrainian holiday" she replies, "which Holiday?" asks Putin "whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday" she replies :D

 

What is the difference between Trump and reality?, Putin has connections to only one of them :D

 

What do Peter the Great and Putin have in common? They both lead Russia to the 18th century :D

 

Remember when Putin said "I don't have any plans to invade Ukraine?" I'm starting to think he was telling the truth :D

 

Why did Trump take classified documents about Nuclear plans to Mar-a-Lago? He was just Putin them somewhere safe :D

 

Two men in a bar, one says "why does Putin only write in lowercase?" the other replies, "Because he's afraid of Capitalism" :D

 

What's Putin's favourite sport? Cross country :D

 

What's the difference between the trick performed by the Valentine's day mascot and Putin? The trick is a Cupid Stunt :D

 

Why is Putin's government like Google? You can't uninstall either :D

 

What does Putin have in common with his father? They both should have pulled out when they had the chance :D

 

Why does Putin love Trump so much? Because Russians love a good joke :D

 

Made this one up myself : What's the definition of a room full of Ronald McDonalds watching videos of Trump?...Training