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A never ending story


Gabbemaster

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(Not completely but a bit out of character)> What the fudge? Hairy toes? Hairy toes!? They are not hairy! They are FLUFFY! FLUFFY! You get that?! You reborn son of a mother! ;)

 

A big pile of nothing in one of the circleshaped corners.

"Hey!", Gab shouted, "There is a big pile of nothing in one of the circleshaped corners! We have been running around in squares!".

 

"Oh my god..." Gan (I had to cut out a bit of Gandalfs name for the sake of equality between Gods and Mortals) said in a moment of total helplessnesnesnesnesnesssss (Gandalf knew how to start spelling bana... no sorry, helple... ah whatever! Gandalf knew how to start spelling that word, but he didn't know how to end), and despair...

 

This instantly summoned...

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The bug blatter beast of somewhereorother beginning with T. This instantly began to devour the cheese. If not stopped the whole edifice might collapse into a fondue. But to send it back you had to know where it was from.

 

Gab was racking his neurone.

 

Gan was doing better " Trondheim, Tulsa, Tangier, Tipperary, Thailand, Trincomalee, Toytown...."

 

But not succeeding.

 

Then Gab saw the light and...

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"TOTAL CHAOS" shouted Gan, just as the very same broke out. The bug blatter beast from somewhereorother beginning with T disappeared back to where it had come from, the land of total chaos, just as a TOTAL CHAOS broke out from a room on the left. Now, I'm not sure if you have ever seen a TOTAL CHAOS before, but seeing one break out is even more frightening than the beast on it's own, or the land of total chaos for that matter. The frilly pink tutu, the awful puce lipstick, the corn row braids. It was too much for poor Gan - his mind began to wander somewhere over the rainbow, and he saw Lucy in the sky with diamonds marching to the beat of a different drummer.

 

When suddenly ...

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there it was in all its finery. It was the most amazing and beautiful one that any of them had ever seen. A light purple radience eminated from it though it was not of itself purple. There was a perfume of roses or perhaps lilies or even of freshly roasted coffee. And it moved with grace and sinuousness. It was so lovely that everyone of them wanted it.

 

So...

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A fight broke out. All were there and accounted for - Gan, Gab, Mirc, Mal, Stamp, and a few assorted ghouls and trolls. Gan used his trusty Wand of the White, with the little knob on top, Gab had his wonderful hairy toes and stunning looks (before you preen, nobody said GOOD, ok?), Mirc sang so off key it shattered glass a mile away, Mal used sarcasm as offensively as any two-bit barbarian with a b*stard sword, Stamp groomed himself in the nearest mirror, making sure his horns were horny enough, and the ghouls and trolls broke into a really bad song and dance routine involving tights and a swan. Mayhem, bedlam, confusion, turmoil (the trolls), stinky, dumpy, quack, and pee-you (the ghouls) danced the dance of their lives and sang show tunes until their voices failed, but to no avail, for ....
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As quickly as it appeared, it was gone. GONE - it was as if life had exited, stage left. The trolls and ghouls bowed their heads, and slumped off in a despondent manner, feeling sure that Paula Abdul must have been one of the judges, and that one of the others was likely sleeping with her.

 

Suddenly Gan looked up, a light in his eyes “A QUEST” he bellowed, “My dear friends and fiends, we have a QUEST.” With that shouts broke out around the room “A quest, a quest. What shall we quest for? The wizard, the wizard, we’re off to see the wizard.” Gan sneered at them “I am a wizard, you fools.” “The Holy Grail then?” “No, that’s been done too.” “I know,” said the TOTAL CHAOS, “Why don’t we find that beautiful thingy with the purple glow that wasn’t purple?” The rest cheered “Yay, a quest for something not purple, yet glowing purple.”

 

And so they set off on the quest, but first...

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They all stopped three fiftify themselves with gin and tonic. Some had done this befive and saw not three get three drunk. Five if two is going three celebrnine, two should liseleven three reason.

 

So they were all very intoxicnined when they left in search of the purple or not purple thing.

 

This meant.....

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......that the not-quite purple eminating thing, glancing briefly at the group of adventurers, siezed its opportunity to scarper while the going was good. Lifting its left knee over towards his right side, it made a "widdley-widdley-weeeeeeee!" sound and shot off at high speed, leaving cartoon-like tracers in its wake. The hoplessly inebriated adventurers all saw double, but unfortunately went after the wrong one, giving "Purpley" ample time to stop off to get the latest Elton John CD, "Hello Again, Yellow Brick Road", before..........
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