Psychiatrist

[Drakefell01]

I hire Karna5 as a Psychiatrist on this forum congratulations now there is 2 of us if you except my offer that is.

Edited July 11 by Drakefell01

[InDarkestNight]

5 hours ago, Drakefell01 said:

Ok looks like your problem is people themselves.

One option is only to talk to people with the same interests, I would also advise doing things you enjoy to help you still feel happy through the day.

I used to have games I enjoyed, but they were all torn away from me by forced updates. I used to enjoy Skyrim, but I'm beyond sick of playing nothing but it. Tried recently to play other games I own, only to rage-quit after a few seconds after re-living why I quit these games so many years ago. Trying to learn to play pinball lately, but I'm just too damned slow for it. It seems like all I can play are casual games, but those obviously aren't the most engaging. I've been wondering lately if I should even bother trying to play games anymore. I don't enjoy casual games (at least not for long), but I'm not good enough for anything else.

I also don't listen to music anymore. To make a long story short, I quit kpop because I just got sick of the relentless nightmare stories coming out of the industry, and honestly I just couldn't continue to give peanuts to companies THAT LITERALLY ENSLAVE THEIR EMPLOYEES. And I'm not being hyperbolic there; THE KOREAN GOVERNMENT RECOGNIZES KPOP STARS ARE CHATTEL, SERIOUSLY. After that, I've been without music I enjoy. I tried to go back to the metal I listened to before that, but looking into what they were saying, I found out i was actually listening to far-right white supremacist s#*!. I just can't stomach to listen to that crap anymore knowing what it is. I thought it was just fantasy music. Fml. Keep in mind this was 5 years ago now, and after all this time I just can't find anything else I like. What, is the only music I enjoy evil? Did I go down a right-wing rabbit hole listening to white supremacist metal and pop music from a right-wing nation (and yes, south korea is right wing, its essentially the far-right in america's dream brought to life, seriously, also keep in mind it separated from a communist state, aka a far-left nation).

Essentially, I have no way to have fun these days. All my games were taken from me, I'm not good enough for most games out there, and I don't have any music anymore after being led down a far-right rabbit hole. I've been having an abnormally hard time dealing with stress lately. What else can I do? My main hobbies have been playing games and listening to music my whole life. Now I essentially have neither. As for pinball, honestly I feel like I'm just playing them for the pretty boards. They're not exactly the most engaging things though if you can't progress in the games. And yes they're far more elaborate than what you would think. They have freaking narratives encoded into them! What, should I just sit here and transform my transformers collection all day?

I really wish badly I had my games back. I wish I still had music. I've thought about making my own games (I do have a 2-year degree in programming), but all I can make is text-based games. That's fine, its something, but honestly I don't feel fine typing a lot of things into a computer anymore. I'm not even willing to look up some of the 'stealth' skills for skyrim, or real-world weapons, or real crimes, you get the idea. Stupid worthless internet. Obviously, this means I can't make too many text-based games. How do you make one when you can't type in anything really villainous? I did try to make a ccg a few years ago, but that stalled when it came time for me to make an ai. Turns out, nobody really knows how to make a good one, and the ones out there are stupid complex. I ended up dumbing down my own game until it became unrecognizable simply to make it easier on the computer! It started out as a Magic clone, and later turned into Hearthstone to give you an idea. That program's sat idle for years now because I can't come up with an ai even after all these years. And yes, I have contemplated making a deep learning program, but those tend not to work well with games like this. In particular, they really like the manipulate rng, which means in my game it may result in the thing trying to stack the decks! Besides, considering all the horrible things people are doing with the things, I suspect its going to be banned soon anyway. Isn't tech wonderful?

[Drakefell01]

I would advise for your product purchase issue with slavery to buy from only north America and European brands (that use local workers) since we are first world countries with low levels of slavery.

And your no fun issue I would advise modding skyrim since there's so many options but since your getting sick of it I would say to try another game similar like getting oblivion or morrowind, I don't know if you like minecraft but it could be an option to. Another option is to get away from technology once and awhile maybe try going in to nature or living around ancient Medieval towns so you can feel at peace without the worry of internet trolls.

Sadly this is another fact: overall it's unavoidable unless you do a lot of research on the right area with the least amount of rude people for example Stratford ontario has nice people wyle other arias may not. Also some countries are worse than others like North American countries have a long history of slavery and people who discriminate others by culture, religion, and gender, fast forward about 150 years and it's not any more than 80% better then it was back then now in the coming years we may improve, some continents such as africa are still hovering at a range of 40% - 90% worse than even we are but to fix this the people have to step up and help them since it's not the fault of the people themselves it's usually the cause of the education system and the wealth of the country plays a large part in that overall what I am getting at is the world's wealth should be spread evenly to have a better society. 

 

[InDarkestNight]

Oblivion was the first ES game I ever played. I hated it and have never looked back after going to Skyrim. I do own Morrowind, but I've never tried it. And yes, I mod Skyrim. I've had load orders with over 300 mods installed (most of them esl files of course). I even make my own mods now. Of course, I'm limited by my inability to make my own assets. But honestly, I modify most of my mods so much they may as well be mine. It seems like when I do go looking for mods, I'm mainly just looking for assets for me to use.

Yes, you can mod this game to oblivion, but at the end of the day you're still playing with the same crappy combat, facing either the same creatures or them cosplaying as something else. You're still running through the vanilla quest lines over and over, and it seems few mod quests have replay-ability in mind. I have been thinking lately of trying skyrim again, but honestly I'm dreading playing through the same beginning yet again and the same dull combat.

As for minecraft, I admit it interests me but I am NOT willing to give microsoft money. I am a linux user for a reason. Besides, we recently ran into money problems, so no buying games for a while. We can't even afford food for another week to give you an idea. We have plenty stored up of course, but still I can't afford luxuries right now. I did use to own Terraria btw, but the last major update for some reason upped the difficulty so much I lost the ability to play it. I was never happy with the last major update either. The game now is simply not what I originally paid for a decade ago. I did look into minecraft hoping it wasn't the same story, but apparently it is. Its one of the many games I loved and wish I still had. Honestly it wasn't for LE, I wouldn't even be playing Skyrim anymore.

What I really need to do is just find new things to do. I can't think of anything, and I just trolled if I asked. As for the slavery thing, I did try to look into just american and european bands, BUT I GOT ACCUSED OF BEING A WHITE SUPREMACIST FOR THAT. Seeriously. Seems like this place is the only place you can find anyone even remotely friendly. And yes I explain to those people why I wanted to stick to western media. They also accused me of being part of cancel culture btw. Yeah, accused of both being a part of cancel culture and white supremacy for one single post. Wtf? Worthless reddit.

[Karna5]

InDarkestNight, I think it's time you try to change your pattern. For instance, you said you don't have music you like anymore, and you mentioned kpop (I have no clue what kpop is but don't really want to know). When is the last time you went to a concert in real life?

If you're old enough to drive, and if you live anywhere remotely near a city, find a venue that hosts independent bands. And start attending them regularly. The neat thing about independent bands is sometimes they're terrible, and sometimes they're amazing, but the actual act of attending the concert is always worthwhile.

I was a complete loner up until around 1987. One day I decided it was time to leave my house. I heard about a punk nightclub in Detroit relatively close to where I lived, and every Friday and Saturday night I went by myself. Initially I didn't talk to anyone. I just went and watched and danced. Over time I started making friends, and by 1988 I'd started attending concerts, going to more night clubs and hanging out with people, something until then I'd never done.

Through the late 80s and early 90s I went to at least one or two concerts a week and at least eight night clubs a week.

I can no longer drive (disability) so no longer go to night clubs, plus the nearest city to where I live is hours drive away (which I can't drive anyway). But going to concerts and night clubs was life changing and uplifting, and it's an experience which lasts the rest of your life.

Also, you said you don't like music? Frankly that's more than a little absurd. There are soooooo many kinds of music in the world, and there are so many periods of it. Jeeze, okay, so you don't like kpop, whatever that is. That has nothing to do with not having music you can enjoy.

Finally with regard to PC games, how in the world are you limited to a couple of ten-plus year old Bethesda games? Yeah, okay, I played Fallout 4 for 10.5 thousand hours and can't anymore because F4SE mods are still broken, but so what? That just gives me more time to play Black Desert Online, Bannerlord, Skyrim AE, Cyberpunk 2077 and countless other games. Did you play Red Dead Online, Grand Theft Auto Online, Mafia 3, Baldur's Gate 3, Horizon Forbidden West, Leap of Faith, Cat Lady, Dead by Daylight, Sniper Elite, Third Crisis, Acting Lessons, Dying Light 2, Endless Space 1 & 2, XCom 2 War of the Chosen, Saints Row, She Will Punish Them, Hitman, Phantom Doctrine and dozens and hundreds of other games? It sounds like you didn't.

As for music, have you listened to Velvet Acid Christ, The Tear Garden, The Legendary Pink Dots, Tom Waits, Dead Can Dance, Lords of Acid, VNV Nation, Apoptygma Berzerk, Alexi Murdoch, Alice In Chains, Alien Sex Fiend, The Animals, Anton LaVey, Diamanda Galas, Arcana, Archive, BB King, Bauhaus, Beats Antique, The Billy Nayer Show, Bjork, Blutengel, The Bombay Royale, Boyd Rice, Brendan  Perry, Bryan Ferry, David Bowie, The Church, Collide, Corvus Corax, The Cramps, Crispin Glover, The Cure, Current 93, The Damned, Daughter, David Lynch, Death In June, Diary of Dreams, Divine, Duran Duran, E Muzeki, The Electric Hellfire Club, Ennio Morricone, Erasure, Fear, Fields of Nephelim, The Firesign Theater, A Flock of Seagulls, Frank Sinatra, Fugazi, Gabriel Byrne, Gotan Project, Grandmaster Flash, Hocico, Ice-T, Iggy Pop, The Ink Spots, Jm Backus, John Denver, Joy Division, New Order, Kate Bush, Laibach, Led Zeppelin, Leonard Cohen, Lisa Gerard, LL Cool J, Miles Davis, mind in a box, Ministry, Miracle of Sound, The Mission, Moby, Mogwai, Muse, Nautilus Pompilus, Nick Cave, Nine Inch Nails, Nitzer Ebb, Nina Hagen, Pailhead, Peter Murphy, Philip Glass, Pink Floyd, Pixies, Pizzicato Five, Portishead, Pretenders, Prodigy, Public Image Limited, Queen, Psychedelic Furs, Radiohead, Rammstein, Rob Zombie, Rolling Stones, Roxy Music, Section 25, Sex Pistols, Skinny Puppy, Sleepthief, The Smiths, Sonic Youth, Sopor Aeturnus, The The, Thievery Corporation, Tiesto, Tom Odell, twenty one pilots, Type O Negative, Velvet Underground, Violent Femmes, Woodkid, Wumpscut, Yaz, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

Okay I'll stop there. If the above doesn't open your eyes to the fact your life has more possibilities than you realize then you're simply your own worst enemy.

[Drakefell01]

Play bedrock edition Its a once and done then you can mod it with programs like Mcreator.

[InDarkestNight]

Looking into it, apparently only java edition is compatible with linux.

As for why I only talk about older games, its because I quit buying games years and years ago because I got sick of steam tearing them away from me. The newest game I own is Shadow of Mordor. Skyrim is the newest game I play with any regularity. Also, I never liked modern games. They're rarely true games anymore; they are essentially just movies where you have to click buttons to see the next scene. To me, that's like watching the fallout show, but eveery time a scene ends you have to clear an area in fallout 76. That's essentially what all the fallout games are, and skyrim too. I mean, who plays Skyrim for the engaging gameplay? You play it watch the same old cutscenes over and over. Its why I like older games; they're just more enjoyable. Perhaps I should dust off those miniconsoles I bought years ago that I wanted so badly. Guess the magic wore off after I finally got to play games I wanted when I was young like Yoshi's island for the first time (damn that game is hard as nails btw).

I did play games online years ago, but I just got sick of being trolled for being bad. I used to play warcraft 3, the original dota, league of legends, smite and dota 2. Again, I just got sick of the vicious communities these all attract. Besides, now I realize that games like those are just glorified games of red hands. All that matters is who can click faster, no strategy, no thought, doesn't matter what you chose to do as long as you do it faster.

Again, perhaps I should go hook up my miniconsoles again. Or perhaps get back into trying to make games of my own.

[InDarkestNight]

Well, I did finally manage to complete a 'mode' in a pinball game. So I guess that's progress? Didn't get me a new high score though, so it I guess I'm still not better than blind luck. Perhaps this means I could learn to do this? Still suck at keeping the ball in play, and hitting certain targets, but at least I beat a mode before I lost the ball for once.

edit: I actually just got lucky. I clearly can't play pinball. I should just stop and do something I can actually do. I'm so sick of being borderline disabled. I've never been good any just about any game unless it requires no effort at all. I can't even play true games, so why do I keep whining about how they're completely extinct?

Edited July 12 by InDarkestNight

[Drakefell01]

hope that all we have said to help has been working for you 

[Karna5]

2 hours ago, InDarkestNight said:

I did play games online years ago, but I just got sick of being trolled for being bad....

I've been thinking about this comment because it doesn't make sense to me. I've played more than 15500 hours of Black Desert Online, played Red Dead Online every day for 2 years, played Ultima Online, Vanguard, Grand Theft Auto Online and several other online games, and I've not one time, not even once, been trolled. And nobody but nobody has ever made fun of me for being not good in spite of the fact I'm legally blind and can't see what's on the screen most of the time.

The only thing I can guess is maybe you're PKing people?

In BDO and RDO I just do my own thing, and if I run into people, we wave or dance and sometimes cooperate. Sometimes people attack me, but they never troll me and never ever ridicule me.

Also, if you don't like twitch pvp games (which I hate twitch pvp games), then don't play them.

The only PVP game I admire (and admire tremendously) is Dead by Daylight. That game is amazing.

But when I play GTAO, RDO, BDO or whatever, even though they have open world pvp and pking, I simply don't participate in that aspect of the game.

Also, GTAO, RDO, BDO and DbD don't have subscription fees. You buy the game once and can play forever for free. So for instance, a few times a year BDO is on sale for $1. That means you can buy the game and forever play it for the one dollar and nothing more. If you want to buy outfits or whatever you can, but they also give that stuff away free many times a year as well, so there's genuinely no subscription and no forced micro transactions. GTAO and RDO and DbD likewise do not ever require you to spend money after the first purchase.

Finally, with GTAO and RDO, they come packaged together with the single player game. So you get awesome single player campaigns when you buy them.