Chuck Norris jokes

[Thor.]

You would get this mesage, no joke.

 

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

[GETbacon]

I had a thread like this posted like this before oh well might as well play nice

 

chuck Norris won a tennis mach against a brick wall

 

super man has chuck norris underpants

 

Hitler shot himself after he herd that America had chuck norris

 

there is no nuke it's just the form of transportation for Chuck Norris

 

normal people:2+2=4 Chuck Norris: 2+2=ROUND HOUSE KICK TO THE FACE!!!

 

the great white shark is on top of the food chain... Until Chuck Norris takes a swim

 

chuck norris has been know to deliver near fatal hand shakes.

 

god didn't create the world chuck norris created god and let's him do what he wants

 

guard dog have Chuck Norris to protect their homes.

 

money doesn't make the world go round. Chuck Norris does.

 

I have an entire page (front & back) with Chuck Norris jokes but I don't want to spam.

[Nexus Set]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

 

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

 

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

from Chuck Norris Facts

[Omeletter]

You would get this mesage, no joke.

 

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Hahaha, yeah this is what you get if you write 'chuck norris gets his ass kicked' or even 'chuck norris' if you read more, it'll say 'Run, before he finds you' no joke.

Or 'Try a different person'

Jokes

Children pee their names in the snow, chuck norris pees his name into the concrete.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders...

 

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

[genpatton2]

You would get this mesage, no joke.

 

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Hahaha, yeah this is what you get if you write 'chuck norris gets his ass kicked' or even 'chuck norris' if you read more, it'll say 'Run, before he finds you' no joke.

Or 'Try a different person'

Jokes

Children pee their names in the snow, chuck norris pees his name into the concrete.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders...

 

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

[Triforce1]

The Bogeyman checks under his closet for Chuck Norris when he goes to sleep.

 

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the Dark, the Dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris and Superman decided to race around the world, and the loser would have to wear his underwear on the outside.

 

When you woke up this morning, it was because Chuck Norris allowed you to live.

[genpatton2]

The Bogeyman checks under his closet for Chuck Norris when he goes to sleep.

 

Chuck Norris isn't afraid of the Dark, the Dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris and Superman decided to race around the world, and the loser would have to wear his underwear on the outside.

 

When you woke up this morning, it was because Chuck Norris allowed you to live.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

 

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

 

Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.

 

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

 

Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.

 

Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

[Pronam]

Chuck Norris doesn't walk in the park, the park moves for him.

Chuck Norris doesn't wait for coffee to cold down, the coffee waits for Norris to cool down.

Chuck Norris doesn't want the newest Iphone, Apple wants a patent on him.

Chuck Norris doesn't wait to upload at Youtube, Youtube waits for him to upload. (that explains.....)

Chuck Norris doesn't doesn't need FPS, the PC needs FPMS.

Chuck Norris doesn't look for trouble, trouble accidentally finds him.

There wasn't a big-bang, Chuck Norris just sneezed.

The sun doesn't go down, it just follows Chuck Norris.

[genpatton2]

Chuck Norris doesn't walk in the park, the park moves for him.

Chuck Norris doesn't wait for coffee to cold down, the coffee waits for Norris to cool down.

Chuck Norris doesn't want the newest Iphone, Apple wants a patent on him.

Chuck Norris doesn't wait to upload at Youtube, Youtube waits for him to upload. (that explains.....)

Chuck Norris doesn't doesn't need FPS, the PC needs FPMS.

Chuck Norris doesn't look for trouble, trouble accidentally finds him.

The sun doesn't go down, it just follows Chuck Norris.

There wasn't a big-bang, Chuck Norris just sneezed.

nice

Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

 

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.

One time Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

 

Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.

 

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.