Funny Oblivion Incidents

[StClair]

There is a mission (I don't want to spoil it by saying which one; if you've done it, you know) where an NPC boldly charges into a room and gets wiped out by a trap. Thing is, his body usually winds up in a position to trigger the trap again. And again... and again...

 

Perhaps I'm easily amused, but I've stood there for a full minute watching him get reduced to a thin paste.

[Abramul]

I attempted to assassinate Alessia Ottus, and experienced a two-fold failure. Not only did it not work to use an Invisibility potion after firing a poisoned arrow at her, but death-by-poison is apparently not detected by the "unknown presence".

 

Anyway, after having slaughtered a significant portion of the populace of Skingrad, an Orc walked up to me and said "May your kills be quick and many!".

 

Also, I talked to Uuras the Shepherd. Definitely worth doing if you haven't.

[Rhydderch Hael]

I was walking up the Yellow Road from Leyawiin in the company of my newly-rebooted Cassie-the-Assassin (v2.1) on a clear, moonlit night along the Niben. A Black Horse Courier disappeared on horseback ahead of us.

 

"So," I asked, "How do you like Tamriel so far?"

 

She glanced over and rolled her eyes. "I have a single-digit character level. None of my gear is enchanted, and the one house I've bought is still stuck in 'Scooby-Doo Mystery' mode. How do you think I feel, genius?"

 

That's when we came upon the sight of a Fur-clad Bandit battling the black horse we saw earlier. "Hold on." Casandra drew her axe. "I'll take care of this." She then waded in and fought the Bandit. A few swings later, the Bandit was killed, the black horse whinnied and ran off.

 

"Nice work." I said as Cassie bent over the slain brigand.

 

"Not really." she replied. "My last blow accidentally connected with the horse. If we don't catch up with it, it'll report the assault to the nearest Legion road warden. Come on! Hurry!"

 

"Hurry!?" I said as we began running north on the road. "That's a black horse we're chasing, remember? And just exactly how does a horse report crimes to the Imperial Watch?"

 

"Hey, you're the one from the real world. Ever watch 'Mister Ed'?"

 

"I'm spending my free time playing a game released in 2006, lady. What makes you think I ever watched that show?" We came up on a familiar sight: the black horse once again battling a bandit on the road. "What is this? Groundhog Day?" I quickly took stock of the date. Fancy that, February 3 (supposedly). "Well, are you going to join in on this one?"

 

"Not this time, mister. That horse is a witness. We'll just stand here and watch a cliché get beaten into the ground."

 

*whack* *whack* *thunk* *whack* *thunk*

 

"This is taking forever."

 

"I know. Single-digit character level, remember?"

 

"You want me to level you up faster?"

 

"Some effort into my major skills would be nice. After all, you did select them to fit my style. You want a Heavy Armor archer, so why the hell am I wearing Furs and carrying an axe?"

 

"Yeah, remind me of this conversation when you meet your first mountain lion, babe."

 

"And what am I going to do then? Shoot the sucker? I haven't touched a bow since Vilverin!"

 

The horse gave a final whinny and dropped to the ground. "Finally." muttered Cassie, and drew her axe.

 

"Don't be disappointed," the bandit taunted, "no one lives forev—" Cassie's axe flew across his face.

 

"Okay, where to next?"

 

"North." I replied, and we resumed walking. "It's funny, though: that was the black horse, but where is the courier who was riding it?"

 

"Fled, no doubt. You'd think they'd arm these women before sending them off delivering papers."

 

"She's going to be pissed when she walks back and finds her horse dead."

 

A resounding *THWACK* reached our ears, and then this strange twirling object flew south over our heads. It was shiny brown and beige, studded with a pip of orange light than spun madly about as the object tumbled in the air above before disappearing behind us.

 

Cassie and I stopped, frozen, on the road and looked at each other. "What was that?"

 

"What was what? I was going to ask you what was that?"

 

"I don't know." Cassie answered. "You're supposed to know."

 

"Hey, I only work here. I'm not a resident of this world. You are. You tell me."

 

"It was a UFO."

 

"There are no UFO's in this game."

 

"Oh, you're confident about that? I thought you were Mister 'I Only Work Here'."

 

"The light it was making— it looked a lot like a torch..."

 

Cassie frowned. "That would mean..." We turned south and walked a short way back to the dead horse. Lying on the ground next to it was the body of the courier, torch still burning in her hand.

 

"Okay. That— was weird."

 

"She must have been slain with an ever-mighty blow!" I cried. Casandra glared at me.

 

"What's with the sarcasm?"

 

"Because," I replied, looking north along the road, "the horrid creature is coming straight at us!"

 

Cassie turned her head. There it was: the monstrosity that undoubtedly slew the courier was now bearing down on us, with razor-sharp pincers and eight spindly legs.

 

Cassie snorted, "'I've fought mudcrabs tougher than you!' Never thought I'd hear myself say it." She leafed though the sheaf of newsletters. "Nothing on the sports page. Ready to go?"

 

"But what about—" I objected, but then Cassie whipped out her bow. A steel arrowhead threw the mudcrab back five paces.

 

"I think it's high time that I level-up. Now."

[Abramul]

Long post, but funny.

 

I was in Redguard Valley Cave, fighting an [entity], when I saw (detect lifed, actually) a man/mer run up and start slashing at my current target. I figured it was someone who had been stuck in the cave due to the [entities], until he ran up to ME and started slashing. Turns out it was Audens Avidius.

[Marty-O]

One day, I felt like beating the arena... So I knocked the $#!7 outta tha idiots and went on to take care of the grand champion. I put on god mode so I could use Electrocution (I was level 7 :P , It does 110 shock damage) and I went into the arena. The second that gate opened I threw 3 bolts at him but he did not die... iinstead his life went to like one and stuck there (Mind you before this I did his little quest, so he wouldnt attack me.) I tried talking to him but all he said was "What are you waiting for? Kill me!" So I swiped my sword at him and the dude said I killed him and won... But I couldnt loot Agronak's body AND it said: "Your killing has been observed by forces unkown..". Also, his body floated in midair... strange... And after that, Im pist and tired, so I take a little nap... I wake up to Lucien Lachance. He tells me to go kill rufio to become a DB member... but seeong as I am the crusader of all good, after his "speech" was over, I slaughtered him, took his stuff, And showed the forces of evil that crime never pays... And got myself a pretty wall adornment!

 

Theeeeee End!

[Abramul]

Yesterday, I was down below the Bloodworks, fighting vampires. Due to my use of Chameleon potions, one of them wasn't able to figure out that I was behind her, repeatedly casting Corrode Armor. When she finally realized that I was there, she did start attacking me...killing herself with the reflected enchantment of her weapon.

[Marty-O]

Today, I thought I'd pop in to leyawiin castle on my argonian character. So I strolled right in and talked to the countess. her greeting was telling me she thinks leyawiin would be cleaner without argonians like me... What nerve! Then, I talked to her about rumors, and boy was I surprised at her stupidity. She said something like "The countess is a good woman, but she rarely mentions her husband. It might be because of an issue with Lady whats-her-face." Whaddya know! A countess spreading rumors about herself1

[Ginji]

hi everyone!

this is my first time on the forums, so i picked this topic on the amount of stories i've got.

anyway, i was testing a mod i'd found a while ago (can't remember the name, but it involved the use of super-arrows) one type was called "elastic arrows". i wonder what they do :rolleyes:

 

so i walked up to this hobo and waited for him to ask for change, he got as far as "can you spare a coin.." before i shot him, he pinged off of the roof of the gray mare and went over the wall. ;D

 

then the guards came and tried to fine me, i clicked on "resist arrest" and took aim, he raised his shield in a atempt to stop it, but i hit him in face anyway, launching him past his comrades but his shield didn't follow him, it stayed where it was for a second, before falling to the floor and rolling like a dropped coin for a full five seconds before stopping. :D

[Rhydderch Hael]

Today, I thought I'd pop in to leyawiin castle on my argonian character. So I strolled right in and talked to the countess. her greeting was telling me she thinks leyawiin would be cleaner without argonians like me... What nerve! Then, I talked to her about rumors, and boy was I surprised at her stupidity. She said something like "The countess is a good woman, but she rarely mentions her husband. It might be because of an issue with Lady whats-her-face." Whaddya know! A countess spreading rumors about herself1

Actually, Countess Alessia Caro of Leyawiin was talking about Countess Millona Umbranox of Anvil in that rumour response.

 

In most cases, asking a Count or Countess about a rumour will make them say something about another county's leader. The only strange exception I ever saw was the Countess of Chorrol (Arianna Valga) talking about how much Countess Arianna Valga of Chorrol was loved by her people.

[Ginji]

do you know what else is funny?

 

using a shock AoE spell/staff in a crouded room with plenty of objects (like an inn while Jim's Barfights (mod) is on.

 

bottles, bread, and, most importantly, bodies all fly full tilt away from the blast, smacking into walls and bouncing around the room.