CC's Joke Corner.

[CommanderCrazy]

So a Man walks into a bar.

He said "Ow, that hurts"

 

A rope walks into a bar, Sits at a bar stool & orders a Pint of Guinness.

The bartender says "Sorry, we dont serve your kind here."

So the rope walks out, ties himself into a knot, rolls around in the dirt & goes back in.

He sits & asks for a pint of Beer this time.

The bartender says "Hey, Weren't you just in here??"

The rope replies "Nope, Im afraid not."

[rebalious]

Guy: Whats your profesion?

Lawyer: I'm a criminal lawyer

Guy: At least your honest

[MonsterHunterMaster]

well, there are an american, an asian and an austrian sitting in a plane.

The american throws a bottle of coke out of the window. the asian throws a banana out of the window. The austrian throws a hand grenade out of the window.

 

Down on the earth a person sees a man crying.

He asks:"why do you cry?" the man answers: "A bottle of coke hit my head and it hurts very much!"

 

The person goes away, until he sees another man crying.

Again he asks: "Why do you cry?" "I slipped cuz there was a banana on the floor. I hurt my arm very bad"

 

Again the person walks away, until he sees another man crying

Again he asks:"Why do you cry?" "Im not crying, i have to luagh so much cuz i just farted so hard, that the church exploded!"

[wasder]

Deer testicles are the cheapest meat. It's under a buck.

 

I ran over a man carrying a cymbal the other day. BA-DUM TISH!

 

There was once a man, who every morning, would go to mass at the Cathedral, and every day he would see the monks go through a door. One day he approached one and asked "What's through that door?" "It's a secret, only monks can know." was his reply. So the man continued to go to mass every day, but his curiosity about the door evantually got to the point where he could no longer control it. He decided to become a monk. And so he spent years training, and reading, and learning the ways of God. And then, on the day that he was finally admitted, He was able to see what was through the door.

 

Do you want to know what was inside?

 

 

I can't tell you. You aren't a monk.

 

 

Velcro, what a rip-off!

 

What's red and smells like Blue Paint?

 

Red Paint

 

 

There are two cucumbers in a fridge. One cucumber says to the other "Man, It's cold in here" The other cucumber says "AHHH!!! A TALKING CUCUMBER!"

 

What do you call a pretty girl in Scotland?

 

Lost.

 

What do you call two pretty girls in Scotland?

 

A hostage situation.

 

 

And now for my very favorite joke not involving dead things...

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "Why the long face?".

The horse replies "My wife has terminal cancer"

 

[AncientSpaceAeon]

Im not crying, i have to luagh so much cuz i just farted so hard, that the church exploded!"

Why it has to be a church >:( ? Try something else.

[WaLkAwaY]

1, Post funny jokes.

 

Hmm...

 

George Bush

 

 

That was funny would have been better if you had said Both Bush and Obama would have made more sense then. :thumbsup:

 

 

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar, bartender says "why the long face"... :biggrin:

[rebalious]

1, Post funny jokes.

 

Hmm...

 

George Bush

 

 

That was funny would have been better if you had said Both Bush and Obama would have made more sense then. :thumbsup:

 

 

There are two George Bushes, both of them jokes. Sort of a stealth joke screwing with the rules, and meaning. Was originally gonna put Dan Quayle and Sarah Palin, thought quayle might be too obscure for other non-americans.

 

Also...

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff132/4lex/photoshopbush.jpg

[MonsterHunterMaster]

Im not crying, i have to luagh so much cuz i just farted so hard, that the church exploded!"

Why it has to be a church >:( ? Try something else.

wasnt meant as offense to anything, i heard the joke like this...

heres another version especially for you:

 

well, there are an american, an asian and an austrian sitting in a plane.

The american throws a bottle of coke out of the window. the asian throws a banana out of the window. The austrian throws a hand grenade out of the window.

 

Down on the earth a person sees a man crying.

He asks:"why do you cry?" the man answers: "A bottle of coke hit my head and it hurts very much!"

 

The person goes away, until he sees another man crying.

Again he asks: "Why do you cry?" "I slipped cuz there was a banana on the floor. I hurt my arm very bad"

 

Again the person walks away, until he sees another man crying

Again he asks:"Why do you cry?" "Im not crying, i have to luagh so much cuz i just farted so hard, that the <insert any building here> exploded!"

[AncientSpaceAeon]

Also...

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff132/4lex/photoshopbush.jpg

Nice.

 

And sorry to MHM, guess I over-reacting because of that joke.

[zprospero]

A priest, a rabbi, and a humpback whale walk into a bar.

 

Well, for the sake or realism, perhaps he doesn't so much 'walk' up to the bar as a construction crew

removes the front of the bar, a crane hoists him in, and various firetrucks remaining to keep him wet

while he goes in for a drink.

 

The priest goes up to the bartender and says "This is truly a glorious day. I'll have some sacramental wine."

 

The rabbi goes up to the bartender says "Indeed, it is a blessed day. I'll have some manischewitz wine."

 

The humpback whale is craned up to the bartender and says "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

 

 

Whales can't talk you silly billy