Funny Replies You Make To NPCs

[The_Vyper]

I sometimes think it's funny to reply to things said by NPCs. Here's a few examples:

 

NPC: "You have quite a bounce to your step. You must be an acrobat."

Me: "Why are you watching the way I walk? Are you attracted to me, or something?"

 

Imperial Watch: "You have my ear, citizen."

Me: "Do you want it back?"

 

NPC: "You have the hands of a healer."

Me: "I also have the ear of a guard. Wanna see what else I've got? "

 

NPC: "It's you. the Hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor."

Me: "How did you know it was me? I don't recall seeing you at Kvatch."

 

NPC: "Why are you bothering me?"

Me: "Because I'm not bothering someone else yet."

 

Imperial Watch: "You. I've seen your type before. You have blood on your hands."

Me: "Yep, and I believe it's yours!" *kills guard*

 

Imperial Watch: "What are you looking for?"

Me: "The Dark Brotherhood. Have you seen any of them around?"

 

Imperial Watch: "If you've got to travel, by the Nine Divines, stay on the roads. The wilderness just isn't safe anymore. We've had sightings, you see. The Daedra.."

Me: "How much do bandits bribe you to say that?"

 

Imperial Watch during Persuasion: "Talk tough to me. I like tough guys."

Me: :blink: "Okaaay, I'm leaving now."

 

Bandit: "Throw yourself on my sword while you still can!"

Me: :ohmy: "Taht's just wrong." *kills bandit*

 

So what are some of yours? Or am I the only one who has fun doing this? :biggrin:

[Netwit2008]

Ok, you're right, this outta be good. I'll have to think on mine. I'm not NEARLY as nice or "clean" as you with my replies, lol! :tongue: These immediately come to mind.

 

Beggar: I can see you are a kind and gentle lady...

Me: Really?! I'm carrying a sword bigger than you are!

 

Damian Larkin at Imperial Furniture: I'm at your service Sir Knight!

Me: first off, it's Madam Knight. At my service eh? I'll take a gin and tonic sour, you can..um...just bring that to me in my quarters...come alone. :whistling:

 

Beggar: I'm saving up for some med'cine; pair 'o shoes, etc....

Me: :confused: Liar!

 

Cranky Orc: What are you looking at??

Me: (goes Chameleon and punches him in the face, watching the blood spittle fly out of his mouth) You....bleeding. Did you bite your tongue chewing on a piece of horse meat? Some Dunmer told me you guys eat horses... :ninja:

[myrmaad]

I have a custom companion from one of the NPC mods in Morrowind, and she gets restless and bored very quickly and is full of attitude being a rogue Winged Twilight. After about 1 minute of staying put anywhere, she'll snip "Are we going to stand here for a whole year?"

 

And I always patiently sigh, : Yup.. A whooole year.

 

 

By the way, the mod is MCA and I highly recommend it.

Edited March 17, 2010 by myrmaad
gaah .. punctuation

[Alkser]

NPC: It's you. the Hero of Kvatch! This is truly an honor.

Me: Yeah, I really didn't know that -.-

 

NPC: Hail Champion (Occato)

Me: Hail you idiot who only sits here!

 

NPC: You have my ear, citizen.

Me: I swear I don't have it!

 

NPC: You have the hands of a healer.

Me: My hands are full of blood -.-

 

That's all I remember lol

[Pushkatu]

Well, I usualy pass by them using my insibility spell to avoid the chit-chat they all start when you get close to them.

 

What I enjoy the most are the conversations between them. Smart AI, yeah right. :biggrin:

[Trandoshan]

I hate skill comments. Makes it hard to roleplay correctly.

 

C: Your a fit one, been running lately?

A: Who? Me? Nope, I play Oblivion all day.

 

C: You look like you have swung a mace or two in your time

A: Wrong. Axes, actually.

 

C: You smell of death, been conjuring up dead things?

A: SHHHH, Carahil is right beside me. STFU will you?

 

C: You look like a shrewd businessman.

A: ~ , player.additem f 10000000

 

The other ones don't bother me as much really.

[DariusMoranda]

Necromancer Adept : Showing your face was the last mistake you'll ever make!

 

Character:..And the last you will see.You should have washed your clogs more often.

 

Drunken Dragon Inn owner:You take care of yourself,buddy!

 

Character:You too.By the way..Your mother bled like a pig.See ya later! :biggrin:

 

Umaril:Man kana mitta abasel Umarile?!

 

Character:Where the hell ya been,son?I missed our drinking sessions at Old Elhofney!Want a sweetroll? :thumbsup:

 

Kathutet:S..

 

Character: Die!

 

Mythic Dawn Agent:Die,unbeliever!

 

Character:You die..believer?

 

Skaleel:What a waste of my talents...

 

Character:Indeed,you should join the Black Marsh Swimming Team.

 

Ocato:Hail,Champion!

 

Character:How's it going,buddy-boy?

 

Baurus:Whatever you need,friend.

 

Character:I need ingredients for the vampire cure.You have them?If not..please,brother,go find them,lol.

 

Vicente Valtieri:You are like the dark gift of the Night Mother herself.

 

Character:And you look like William Deffo with anemia.

 

Hill The Tall:Hail,I'm Hill The Tall!

 

Character:Suuuure,and I'm Don Johnson!

 

Blademaster:I've heard a rumor that you're an idiot.Any truth to that?

 

Character:I've heard a rumor that Brawen is your daughter,and you act like she doesn't exist.Any truth to that?

 

Beggar:Who will help an old beggar?

 

Character:Have a 90 watermelons,beggar. *overencumbers*

[clockout1]

(Don't remember his name, but he's from SI): Fribble! Just fribble!

Player: Riiiiight...(backs away slowly)

 

Guard: I've seen your kind before. Keep your blade sheathed or I'll put you down myself, you murdering b*****d!

Player: Oh yeah! (flips guard off)

 

Almost everyone in SI: Your Lips to His ears.

Player: My Blade to Your face.

[Zuperbuu]

Fimmion: Fimmion Hunrgy, you have sweetroll for Fimmion?

Me: NO, the Sweetrolls are MINE. MINE I SAY! You no can haz them.

 

Sheogorath: Ta, come visit again! Or I'll pluck out your eyes! Ahahaha!!

Me: I'll be right back then. o3o

(Later)

Sheogorath: I can tell by your eyes, I might just take those from you when this is over.

Me: Why do you keep going nuts over my eyes?! One's already missing! (my guy has a bandage over a dead eye)

 

Lex: You look like one of the lowlifes who inhabit this place.

Me: Um, HELLO?! I'm wearing Sheogoraths freakin' outfit, that certainly isn't trashy!!

 

Gray Fox: Capital!

Me: YAY! Shut up!

 

Lex: The Gray ox is hiding nearby, what do you know about him?! (to guard)

Guard: I have an arrest warrant for the Gray Fox, do you know where he is?! (to Lex)

Me: You're both idiots. *punches Lex in the face and runs for it*

 

Lex: STOP! You violated the law! Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence, your stolen goods are now forfeit!

Me: What stolen goods? The blood on my hands is stolen? o3o

 

Lucien: NO! I thought I could have prevented this, I could have stopped you!!

Me: Why? You knew from the start I'd kill anyone, I enjoy it. It pleases Sithis and Lord Sheogorath is pleased by seeing his minions bleed on the floor. o3o

 

Witch (Vampire quest): You're not supposed to be in here!

Me: I already told you 3 times why I'm here. =_=

 

Ocato: Hail Champion of Cyrodill!

Me: I was the one who summoned Mehrunes Dagon, you halfwit!! D:

 

NPC: The Hero of Kvatch! This is an honour!

Me: I murdered everyone in the chapel but Martin, how does that make me a hero? o3o

 

Highwayman: Your money or your life!

Me: *sends them to the SI Execution point* You really shouldn't have done that, enjoy the view!

 

NPC: STOP! THEIF!

Me: CHEESE FOR NOONE, it's all mine now!

[eXoduis]

Imperial Watch: Stop! You have violated the law! your criminal exploits are well known!

Me: Criminal exploits? i have no idea what you are talking about, seriously!

 

Imperial Watch: HAaaa! Your the gray Fox! Your wanted dead or alive! I am choosing Dead!

Me:Why dead? Cant i pay the fine? whyyyy??

 

Random NPC in skingrad: You look like a sneaky sort!

Me: you werent supposed to see me! i was supoosed to murder you using DR sneak attack!!! grr!

 

Arch Mage: You look skilled in Alteration, maybe you could teach me a thing.

Me: Lol? the arch mage? that doesnt suit you.. let me relieve you of your duty...

 

Beggar: A coin is all i ask.

Me: Thats what you bloody ask each time (daresth not to punch him due to being kicked out fo the guild EVENTHOUGH i am the grey fox)

 

Captain Dion: I thought you where a noble knight, but your just a sinner like the rest of us.

Me:Your a sinner? it means you have made a sin meaning you did a crime! Stop! You violated the law!

 

You guys made me laugh by the way...

 

I dont know how to reduce my infamy from its sky high 500... without using cheats...