Funny Replies You Make To NPCs

[princelusto]

STOP THIEF! -impywatch

after firing a grease arrow on the floor, "Stop Guard!"....oh sucker you fell.

[blacksmithkazuma]

Luneska: * Pushes the green stone and watches as keys fall from the roof, then smiles as the mage starts to dig through them*

Mage: "We'll be rich, just have to find the key... Rich I tell you! RICH!!" *Digs through the keys wildly*

Luneska: Watches abit as the orc leaves then casts invisability on herself, jumps down and stands behind the mage then whispers* "Look, it's that one, yea that one,"

Mage: *HA! I told you...*Picks up the key and starts to run towards the cage full of gold*

Luneska: *Quickly follows behind him* 'Wait.. wait.. no that wasn't it... nope."

Mage: *Throws the key* $#!@#%#&^ *runs back to the pile digging through them again*

Luneska: *Picks up one key and wickedly laughs* "Here pretty boy it's this one" *dangles it in front of him*

Mage: *Spazmaticly grabs for the key as Luneska yanks it from his reach each time* yes yes yes... oh this is it.. ohhh hahahahaha

Luneska: *tosses the key back into the pile*

 

~3 hours later~

 

Mage: *sits in a ball in the pile of keys whimpering* "this one.. yes this one.. no..no... that one, oh yes that one. Here pretty boy, here pretty boy...she told me that one...she told me so...I heard her in my head... This one.. this one... "

Luneska: <<<-----Evil....

 

 

Ahjazda: "...and the calming pants, yes I need the calming pants."

Luneska: *Raises her eyebrow* Why don't you go ask Mr. Fribble over there and see what he can do.. yea. Bye now."

 

 

Dumag gro-Bonk: "You think I'm ugly don't you, *other smith's name* is a prettier smith isn't she?"

Luneska: "No.. no I don't think your ugly big guy...it's nice to see a big strong orc like yourself get sensitive." *tries not to laugh* "let's just not get beserkerfied on me and go buy some make-up now K."

 

NPC: " You have to watch for those (scalons?) I hear they carry disease."

Luneska: " Yea, thats what your ex-wife said about you,"

 

Tombstone in SI - "Helene the Deaf. She never heard it coming."

Me: " Should have given her the other ear."

[DingerDan]

Beggar: "For a single coin, I can feed my family for a week."

Me: "Funny, last time I checked a leek costs 2."

 

Uriel Septim: "Yes. You are the one from my dreams."

Me: :ermm: *runs*

 

*While pwning a guard*

Guard: "I fought MUDCRABS more fearsome than you!"

Me: "Must have been one bigass mudcrab."

[princelusto]

STOP YOU VIOLATED THE LAW!"

violating the law? not nearly as much fun as violating your family

[The_Vyper]

NPC: "What is it?"

Me: "Dunno. I was hoping you could tell me."

 

NPC: "I saw a mudcrab yesterday."

Me: "How special."

NPC: "Nasty little creatures."

Me: "They're prettier than you."

 

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"

Me: "Yeah? Well, you're next!" *violates guard's face with a sword*

 

Bandit: "Jump on my sword while you still can!"

Zayede (my female Imperial Battlemage): "Thanks, but I'm not that desperate." *summons clannfear, watches bandit die unfulfilled*

 

Marauder: "Don't feel bad. No one lives forever!"

Zayede: "Speaking for yourself?" *casts Doomsday spell, marauder dies horribly* Zayede: "Thought so."

 

NPC who's just standing around: "Everybody needs a copy of the Black Horse Courier!"

Me: "Well then, stop shouting and start handing them out. Go on. Get moving!"

[The_Vyper]

NPC1: "I heard there were some Goblins around here recently."

Me: "There were, but I took care of them."

NPC2: "Disgusting creatures. I hear the Altmer train them. I can't imagine it."

Me: "Umm.. You're an Altmer. Why can't you imagine it?"

 

 

Dunmer NPC: "You remind me of my homeland. During the blight."

Me: "You mean I'm better looking than you? What a wonderful compliment. Thanks."

 

Guard: "Stop! You've violated the law!"

Me: "All I did was touch a cup!"

Guard: "Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence."

Me: "Pay a fine for touching a cup? Bite me!"

Guard: "Then pay with your blood!"

Me: "No. I'll use yours." *kills guard*

[Mud Crab Carl]

Urial septim: "Then this is the day. The stars were right!"

Me:" Ia! Ia! Old Ones fhtagn! Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ia!"

 

Most of you won't get it.

Google Lovecraft.

[TehBuddha]

Highwayman - Your money, or you life.

 

Me - Yeah, lemme just... *Casts invisiblility spell, runs around the back of the highwayman,stabs him in the back with his enchanted elven dagger and traps his soul.*

 

Might be a bit of topic, but isnt it weird, even when your wearing full deadric armour carrying an axe the same size of the guy, that he still thinks he can threaten you?

[The_Vyper]

Might be a bit of topic, but isnt it weird, even when your wearing full deadric armour carrying an axe the same size of the guy, that he still thinks he can threaten you?

 

Well, Highwaymen aren't exactly the sharpest swords in the armory. :laugh:

 

 

Bandit: "Why! Won't! You! DIE?!"

Me: "Because I'm immortal." *kills bandit*

 

Guard: "Let's hear it."

Me: *pulls out Ocarina, plays Song of Time, goes back in time, approaches guard again*

Guard: "Let's hear it."

Me: *pulls out Ocarina, plays Song of Time, goes back in time, approaches guard again*

Guard: "Let's hear it."

Me: *gets tired of the repetition, walks away*

 

NPC: "What can I do for you?"

Me: "See that guard over there? All he knows how to say is 'Let's hear it'. Teach him some new words."

 

NPC: "Looks like you're handy with a blade."

Me: :blink: "The only weapon I'm carrying is a bow. What makes you think I'm good with a blade?"

 

NPC: "You have the hands of a healer."

Me: "Are you sure? I cut these off of an Illusionist."

[The Red Death]

I get angry and shout at them for being so rude to me all the time...