Funny Replies You Make To NPCs

[XxPockieNinjaxX]

Owyn: "I heard a rumor that you're an idiot. Any truth to that?"

me: oh :O omg looks a unicorn!!!!!....wait wht was we talking about? o.o

 

Guard: "You have my ear, citizen."

me: omg ewwwwz takez it back...takez it back"throws the ear at the guard and runs" :O

 

Bandit: "Who's there?" *pause* "Must have been the wind."

me: ewww "whts tht smell? ...wait omg did you just fart??" o3o

[CasperTheLich]

*Markus uses his knife to do some neck hacking (via DR)*

Bandit: *choking sound* must have been the wind *\choking sound*

*Dead*

Markus: that was impressive, talking while gurgling & all that... almost wish i hadn't just killed you, almost.

 

IMP-Guard: it's... it's you, the Hero of Kvatch, this is quite an honor. (or words to that effect)

Markus: hey, aren't you the A**H*** that fined me for defending myself from that corrupt captain, the guy that escaped from prison to simply try & kill me? you can go to hell if you think i'm going to give you an autograph.

 

Dremora: Be gone mortal!!!

*knocks Dremora off of railing with a long-sword*

Markus: you have a safe trip now, ya' hear

 

Guard: you have my ear citizen.

Markus: and, you... you have my coin-purse... Guards!!!!!!! No, not you! OTHER GUARDS!!!! thief!!!!

 

Emperor: You, i've seen you... you're the one from my dreams-

Kira (not markus, my assassin/thief lady): just who do you think you are?

Emperor: i'm your emperor etc.

Kira: for a get-out-of-jail-free-card you don't need to wait till you're asleep... wait, you seem to be in a hurry... nevermind. *sigh* just when i think he was starting to like me too.

 

---edited for small typo

Edited August 10, 2011 by Invisible Man

[leirynot]

NPC1: Have you heard, the priests in Anvil were murdered! (something along those lines)

NPC2: NOOOO!

NPC1: Yes

 

Ulrich Leland (the corrupt Cheydenhall captain): I don't know you and I don't care to know you.

Ulrich Leland: I don't know you and I don't care to know you.

Ulrich Leland: I don't know you and I don't care to know you.

Guard he was talking to walks away, Ulrich turns to me.

Ulrich Leland: I don't know you and I don't care to know you.

Me: I think we all get it, you hate everyone.

[Diablo5511]

Me:*puts shoes and a flawless diamond into a beggars bag*

Guard:Stop!You violated the law!

Me:*puts Gray Fox's cap on guard* Heiromonius Lex!I found the Gray Fox!He's stealing from the poor!

Lex:Stop right there criminal scum!

*Everybody chases after the guard with swords*

 

Me:*trips on boat*

Pirates:*They slice me with steel cutlasses*

One Pirate:WHY..WON'T..YOU..DIIIIEEEE!!!???

Me:Cuz I haz godmode.

*spawns Mehrunes Dagon and he smashes the pirates*

*uses the kill cheat to defeat Mehrunes*

Me:And that's how the console works.

 

Me:*gives Fimmion Sweetroll*

Fimmion:Sweetroll for Fimmion. Yummy in tummy. Answer for you. Problem solved. Uungor, he say no crazy. But he is. He say he going. Away. Far. Your friend sleep there when Uungor goes. But Fimmion no think Uungor really leave. You make Uungor go away faster. He won't leave without his lucky grapes. Can't eat them. I tried. Give back to him. If he still no go, make Uungor crispy with fire spell. Then glaze. Then eat him like a giant sweetroll. Saa-WEET-ROOOOOLL!

Me:What the hell is wrong with you?Either you talked too much and didn't listen to what you said,or you're insane in the membrane in!*Kills Fimmion and takes Calming pants*

[billyro]

Owner of Roxey Inn: "Go on then, leave me!"

Me: "Um... I think you have the wrong idea."

 

Guard: "Hail good citizen, how can I be of service?"

Me: "Keep moving."

 

Randoms: "Look at the muscles on you!"

Me: "Distance..."

 

Random Person: "What are you looking at?"

Me: "We're watching you... scum."

[Rennn]

Prophet: "Will NOBODY answer the CALL?!"

Me: "Why can't I just kill you???? Waaaaa!!!!!" *breaks down into tears*

 

Valen Dreth: "Oh, look, an Imperial in the Imperial Prison. I guess they don't play favorites, huh? Your own kinsmen think you're a piece of human trash..."

Me: "Joke's on you, I'm coming back in a few hours with some shrouded armor and a bruised ego."

 

Mannimarco: "I will make you another in a long tradition of Worm Thralls, and take my time in studying you."

Me: "You're Mannimarco? YOU are MANNI-****ing-MARCO?? Wth??? You're an old balding elf, I expected like bones and lava and stuff, but you're nowhere NEAR as cool as a Balrog!" >_<

[discovery1]

by azzura, by azzurra, by... Just f*** off lemon head.

[billyro]

Enemy: "Now this is the part where you fall down and bleed to death!"

Me: "Tsk, you can't even do a clean kill."

 

Dremora in the Kvatch Oblivion gate: "You should not be here, mortal. Your blood is forfeit! Your flesh is mine!"

Me (every time I fight a Dremora): "Your blood is forfeit! Your flesh is mine!"

 

NPC: "You too."

Me: "Me what?"

 

NPC: "What's up with you?"

Me: "I saw a mud crab a couple of days ago."

 

Uriel Septim: "You. I've seen you."

Me: "How can you see me? I'm in the frigging shadows where your Blades told me to go."

 

NPC: "What's your story?"

Me: "Go read 'the lusty argonian maid'. It sums it up pretty well." :)

Edited July 23, 2012 by billyro

[Mydget]

Haha, the classic mudcrab talk.

 

You know, it is somewhat realistic, in the sense that they can kill you in a few hits if you level up as far as high as you can, then put difficulty to max. I love how insanely impossible Oblivion is if you just level up continually + higher difficulty. Well, not love, but it's kinda funny, until you get killed by an imp. Then you restart and go back to normal diff.

[Zella]

I am glad to find that I am not the only one to talk back. My spouse is a bit worried about it.

 

"You have my ear citizen."

"Right, and back off or I"ll take something more precious."

or "I shall return it after I pierce it."

or "I'm having it bronzed."

or "I have a whole bag of them. Would you care to identify yours?"

or "Dam, I wondered what that was."

or "I just needed it to wax my boots. Here, have it back all cleaned out."

or ... well we hear that one a lot don't we?

 

You look like you've been repairing your gear."
"Yeah, that's why I'm still alive."

 

"Your money or your life."

"How about no money and your life?"

or "How about my sword and your life?"

 

"Move along." or "Keep moving."

I hop up and down, and their heads bob up and down.

Especially fun when wearing peculiar outfits.

 

"It will likely mean your death though."

"Geeze, what an inspiring leader. No wonder you lost the city."