Jokes - Just Add Jokes

[SilverDNA]

another Scottish joke...

 

A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world. Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.

Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis.

This guy pays his £50.

Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.

"Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."

 

It's only love. :whistling:

[krimzin]

According to Einstien's theory of relativety, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird

[SilverDNA]

Jock decided to call his father-in-law the "Exorcist" cuz every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear!

[SilverDNA]

"Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water please?"

"But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight."

"Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire."