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Most painful moment in life.


Keanumoreira

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I don't think I've experienced any physical pain that really stand out in my memory. Except for perhaps the tailbone (I haven't bothered to check, slipped on a floor once and had quite accute bum-pain for a few days) I've never broke any of my bones. I've cut my fingers a few times, but I can't recall the pain. I just hope fate isn't gathering up a few muggings or staircase accidents and goes hiding around a corner impishly giggling to itself. :P

 

The most unpleasant piece of mental pain I have experienced occured when I was 15 and returned to school after summer. I was often the odd one out in such enviroments (I suspect doctors would have lined up to slap on a diagnosis if they could) but had managed somewhat so far. I had one group where I was accepted and we often hung out. However, I realized (quite too late) that the group chemistry were heavily altered during the first few weeks, mostly by the arrival of a new bloke in class. I was swept of the rug, 'my' old group disbanded and assimilated into the rest and I ended up back down the pit. Very unpleasant days, that was. I just couldn't defend myself against this, and I barely understood the situation until my position as 'Official R-tard' was set in stone, and I couldn't claw myself back. 8 or so months passed until I was liberated, both from them and school itself. Saved my life, it did.

 

It might not sound too painfull when compared to breaking bones and such, but you've got to keep in mind that this kind of pain usually last for a long time and it never lets up. You're never truly free from that pain and it also makes you feel like a little whiner, even more so when you're 15. 'REAL men don't have problems! Emotions are for sissies and poofs!' and so on. Yet even more when doubled when you've got a deviating sexuallity to understand in a homopbobic enviroment. A true gauntlet for an ungrown mind.

 

I mused a bit on this experience a few days back. It finally felt secure to do so, with a cigarette and a glass of wine on a balcony with years behind and a much more robust image of what 'friend' means to fall back to. I reached the conclusion that it all played out like a scenario in Survivor. I was, for some reason I still haven't understood, outmanouvered and outplayed by Mr New Guy, who I now understand was a textbook psycopath. It led to this very vivid mental image of frogs in a pond; one particular frog manouvering himself to the biggest and most comfortable lillypad despite being one of the rather small frogs, while collecting a guard of other frogs at his side.

 

I don't know where and who this man is today, but I pray to the gods I never have to meet him again, and I pray even more for the poor sods who do.

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I'd have added in some of the sorts of mental pain I've suffered... but I think none of you deserve to be put through anything as bad as hearing the worse I've gone through.... physically it was traumatic. not horribly painful.. but wasn't much fun regardless... mentally though... Lets just say I'm a "survivor" and leave it at that....

You can take your own opinion on what that means.... and you'll be right... I don't need or want to explain it... and you don't really want to know...

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I'd have added in some of the sorts of mental pain I've suffered... but I think none of you deserve to be put through anything as bad as hearing the worse I've gone through.... physically it was traumatic. not horribly painful.. but wasn't much fun regardless... mentally though... Lets just say I'm a "survivor" and leave it at that....

You can take your own opinion on what that means.... and you'll be right... I don't need or want to explain it... and you don't really want to know...

Dito... I can only add to this that it was very painful for me and the traumas that hit me after this Incident would be more than I can explain in one page alone. So I say that I'm in more than only one way a survivor. I have the feeling, RedVexHK that you know what I mean.

Edited by SilverDNA
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Subheading: Care to relive it? My answer is a resounding, NO. However, I will say that as a young child I suffered terrible abuse: physical, sexual, mental, spiratual, you name it. It was enough to break me. And for awhile I thought that it had. But the amazing thing about the human psyche is its ability to rebound and to rebuild itself. The most important thing for us I believe is not to dwell on those things which may have been done to us or on those who did them, but we must learn to forgive. If we cannot do that, we will be carrying them around on our backs forever and ever. The load just gets heavier and heavier, and probably our anger becomes worse and worse to hold back. There is a very good chance the perpetrators have long ago forgotten their deeds. Why do we need to carry them around with us. It is to our benefit to let them go. I'm not suggesting that we forget, only that we forgive. We are all human and thus flawed. Some of us obviously more so than others. I prefer to live my life now as a positive open minded human being. It could have gone another way, but I made the choice not to let that happen.
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I've myself suffered some mental pain these past two weeks: Sexual harrassment, the worst of its kind.

 

I've never told anyone about it since it happened, but today it got so bad that I finally reported him. It was innocent at first, but now he's going into the danger zone where I'm not like that. :sick:

 

It's okay though...he got arrested. :happy:

 

No one messes with me. :devil:

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Right now I cannot play on my golf team because I dislocated my shoulder for the second time during this summer. I have full shoulder function except in the motion of the golf swing when my arm lights up with pain and makes popping noises. It hasn't been too overly painful, just extremely annoying.
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Being autistic and all leads to having lacking social skills which once got me dumped in front of a whole school and being the subject of fun for the rest of the year ... ooh what does my illness spruce up my life ...
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