help me

[Lehcar]

i feel so sad and worthless life just isnt worth this sh*t anymore i want to die and get away from this inescapable place im crying right now it hurts and i just want to leave... it seems like every attempt i make to associate with other people just always fails spectacularly, every good thing i try to do fails and things always just end up worse than before, somehow i screw up every good thing i try to do in life and i just dont know how or what the hell it is i do wrong. im just so damn empty inside and i want to kill myself because i just hate myself and i hate the world and almost everyone in it. but even the people i dont hate, i know they too will screw me over eventually and hurt me. everyone always does that to me sooner or later. i don't know why. is it really that much fun to hurt me and make me as miserable as possible despite my valiant effort to be a good person? i guess i was just born worthless.

 

of course, i'm a coward and am afraid to do it, because i don't want to get in trouble with the cops. they'll just physically beat the living crap out of me like they always have... i don't want to get my face busted up again because of another failure...

 

but then again everything about me and my life is a pathetic failure and i am worthless and stupid and pathetic and dont deserve to live. i try and do very hard but nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone or anything somehow. i just cant please a damn soul, everyone hates me and is determined to throw all my attempts at kindness right back in my goddamn face. but i guess i deserve it, i dont know why or what i did wrong to deserve it, but everyone says i deserve every bit of sh*t i get in life and say, why don't you just go kill yourself you worthless cow b*tch.

 

i dont know, i just dont know how i always fail or what i always do wrong for everyone and the world to hate me so much. i guess this is why everyone says i am never going to even get a kiss from anyone who isnt my mother.

 

i dont even know why i was born. maybe things would have been better if i did not exist or if i were dead. i am so sad... i am crying now and i feel so alone

[Vindekarr]

You're not worthles, the opposite is true.

 

my first recomendation as someone who's known people in a similar situation, is to talk to a doctor. You're being bullied extremely heavily, that's obvious, but the doctor will help you, it's the job, they get fired otherwise. Secondly, find some people to talk to who will actualy treat you how you deserve, the nexus is as good a place as any to start.

 

This sounds very muc like depression, bfore I say anything else, have you had trouble sleeping? anxiety? inability to relax and occasional overpowering moments of helplessness?

 

Not everyone is evil Lehcar. And some people wont EVER betray you no matter what. You can trust family, you can trust doctors, and you can trust some random ordinary people who cant stand seeing someone in trouble.

[brokenergy]

Lehcar, don't say that about yourself, everyone is important, including you. I agree with Vin, talk to a doctor or call the equivalent of Kid's Helpline, beyond blue, or headspace (these are all helplines) in your country. Also I recommend that you see a school counselor (I taking it that you go to school) or a teacher that you like. You have plenty of people who would risk life and limb to support you, you are not alone, okay?

[gormonk]

each persion has there own worth, just because you dont beleave your not worth anything doesn't mean some one else values you more than you do your self

[Vindekarr]

Another thing that occurs to me Lehcar, is talk to members of your family.

 

What you're describing is very similar to something I went through as a teen. Bullying, in case because I'm a "limey"-being of very recently expat scots decent in australia, and having a british accent, and also because I had long hair and respected women. This deisngated me as a "fag".

 

Now, eventualy it just got too much for me, I couldnt see any reason to bother contuining to live, and my Father at this point stepped in. He took me on a very long walk, which meant the chronic insomnia that had been crippling me was held at bay that night, then took he and my mum took me to the doctor the next day. I was put on antidepressents, and though it took about two weeks, recovered. My folks new what to do because depression like this is a family thing.

 

It's not something wrong with you, it's something busted up in your brain. What causes it is a lack a seratonin, now, that prevents your emotional control, this in turn causes depression. This consists of a sense of worthlessness, chronic insomnia, nightmares, and the inability to feel able to talk to people.

 

It's a good sign you've come forward, you're probably not a very bad case, but this is a pretty common illness, especialy in america, and it runs in families. So do me a favour and next time you get a chance, go to the doctor, but also ask your parents if any of their folks had depression.

 

My mum did, her mum did, her father did, and so on right through that line. My dad's father did, his brothers both did, his sister did, their father's mother, ect.

 

Because it's so common, depression is a snap to treat. Theres probably a hundred diferent medications that can be tailored to each patient, but also hypnotherapy, homeopathy, and even extreme fitness can reverse the chemical imabalnce. One way or the other, doctors can treat it very easily. Mine sure did, and it worked, it doesnt alter your mind in any way, but it restores your emotional control and it allows you to think about how you react to things.

[SilverDNA]

Lehcar, it is time.....to fight!

How can you die with the knowledge that they have won?

I know from what you've written above that you can fight.

I say live and try to be as happy as you can, to show then, how wrong they are, in their judgment of you. It's the worst revenge you can do to them, to show them that you are still happy with your live, because if they try to get near you again, they have to apologize for it and then they have to be judged by their apologies in return. Ignore them, their presents and what they say, but remember it all when it is time they come to you and apologize for their doings. Then you'll see how pathetic they are, because they don't know how to fight every day against such oppression and down putting. It takes great strength to see that, but the knowledge in it, gives great strength in return back to you.

The only person you have to please above all others is yourself! In trying to be a good person, you do enough every day. No one (not even yourself) can ask for more of you than you are able to give and do. If they don't accept that, turn your back and leave.

It is time to fight for yourself!

[Balagor]

i guess this is why everyone says i am never going to even get a kiss from anyone who isnt my mother.

 

I would give you one, had I the possibillity. At least I can try to give you a mental kiss. Being bipolar, I know from my own mind and body how it feels. Have the thoughts occured to you? Depressions often come from a bipolar disorder, and it can easely be helped by medication.

Is´nt there any very close friend with whom you can speak of everything. One that will not let you down. One that count you for the person you are. And try to forget the expectations in this world. We are told over and over again to be young, rich, beautyfull and have a doctors degree. Who the hell is going to do all the other important things our society needs.

We can all do something. (yes, you too) but we can not do the same. The most important to start with is to feel good with your self, wich I know is the problem right know. Depressions can be that bad that we don´t care about anything at all. I have been sucidal too, almost succeeded sometimes, but I can tell you now that my depression is gone (by medication), I am happy that I am still here. You will find that your depression will leave sooner or later, and that you are cabable of more than you think now.

Please hold on, and know that good times are waiting for you.

[Vindekarr]

i guess this is why everyone says i am never going to even get a kiss from anyone who isnt my mother.

 

I would give you one, had I the possibillity. At least I can try to give you a mental kiss. Being bipolar, I know from my own mind and body how it feels. Have the thoughts occured to you? Depressions often come from a bipolar disorder, and it can easely be helped by medication.

Is´nt there any very close friend with whom you can speak of everything. One that will not let you down. One that count you for the person you are. And try to forget the expectations in this world. We are told over and over again to be young, rich, beautyfull and have a doctors degree. Who the hell is going to do all the other important things our society needs.

We can all do something. (yes, you too) but we can not do the same. The most important to start with is to feel good with your self, wich I know is the problem right know. Depressions can be that bad that we don´t care about anything at all. I have been sucidal too, almost succeeded sometimes, but I can tell you now that my depression is gone (by medication), I am happy that I am still here. You will find that your depression will leave sooner or later, and that you are cabable of more than you think now.

Please hold on, and know that good times are waiting for you.

 

Nicely put, the point is to keep fighting. Depresion is overwhelming, but it's an illusion, you'll get better in time, and until that day comes you've got to believe in yourself.

[Keanumoreira]

No L, don't kill yourself, that's just the cowards way out. Do you really want to do this, to cut your life so short? Please listen to my words in the hope that they will bring help, you have to ignore the urge. I know how you feel, depression is a terrible thing to go through, but don't let it consume you. You are strong L, mentally, and believe that nothing, NOTHING is ever stronger than you as an individual and the family that supports you, both your real family, and your Nexus one. We're here to help you L, we're worried about you, we care about you, and we do love you. Please take care, and hold on just a little longer, I promise you that when you emerge, you'll be happy that you did.

[Aranox]

I feel with you .. really , I had such moments as well , but hey , im still walking and talking , and feeling better then ever ... it might not mean much but if it would , you can always PM me , I like talking and I would love to help in any way I can.