Common Courtesy

[Keanumoreira]

I'm courtious with just about anyone I meet, I find it the best way to start a new friendship. In my life, I was never treated with the respect I wanted and most of that extends from my childhood. It is my personal Philosophy to be on everyones goodside (Although I don't kiss up), and try to make their days as good as possible. I'm a very kind hearted soul and I always will be; there's too much grief in the world for me to add to it...

[AliasTheory]

Back at home in Hawaii, I found everyone was quite kind and accepting. I suppose it is just a group of islands after all...along with all the tourist stuff. Everyone seems to treat each other like family in Hawaii; there are many smiling faces and an essence of camaraderie among the local folk. Up here in California things appear to be very different. People are sometimes rude and unhelpful here. In one instance, the airport bus driver did not help me with my heavy bags when it came time to move into my college dorm. (Not to mention there were only four people including myself and family on the bus.) I can't really form a solid conclusion off of my limited experience without generalizing, but people just seem like they hate their lives and jobs more here. Folks here just come off as more cold-hearted and uncaring to me. But in contrast, I love the people on my college campus. Must be the Jesuit religion.

 

I personally enjoy seeing other people happy and often go out of my way to help others. I offer my best critique when requested free of charge and pick up after someone else's mess. I take my time to carefully talk out situations when conflict arises, and sometimes when I'm not even involved. And then there are the simple mannerisms such as holding open a door or helping people carry their groceries. I simply treat others how I would like to be treated. Easy stuff. My parents (I think) really spoiled me in my early life and never really stressed a lot, but I've moved far and beyond since then. My privileges for basically everything were next to unrestricted, but I'm self-disciplined enough to know what I should be doing.

 

Oh, and speaking of holding doors...ha, there's this funny competition going on in my college dorm now between my peers. After my buddy up here was called a "gentleman" by one of the girls on campus, things suddenly turned into a contest. Now three of my new friends here are seeing who can get the most "thank yous" from people by doing good things. Since when was it necessary to record your good deeds? I still find it funny to watch the tally marks add up...they have this humorous set of unspoken rules they go by. Gotta love times like these.

[Vagrant0]

Sadly, it was never all that common to begin with. As a species, we have collectively spent more time and effort in just the past 300 years killing, enslaving, raping, stealing, and oppressing each other than we have spent trying to respect and help each other on the whole. Sure, among members of our own social groups and communities we may have been courteous, but against anyone who was not part of that group for one reason or another, we've been down right brutal. I would argue that the problem is not that we are becoming more rude in the broad sense, but rather that our social "preferred" groups have become smaller and more restrictive as out "merely tolerated" group has expanded. What I mean is that most of what we consider as Common Courtesy has always been restricted to those within a similar group to ourselves by means of; religion, nationality, ethnicity, sexual preference, political ties, locality. In a sense, common, not because it is shared universally, but that it only exists between persons of common background. And with it becoming harder to determine ingroup members from outgroup ones, our civility becomes more restricted to those we have already had a chance to know. The big problem is that as the "preferred" group becomes more restrictive and less open to assumption, people grow out of the habit of being friendly to others, and become more focused on ensuring their own interests are met as they themselves are the only one they can often rely on.

[brokenergy]

One of the problems is that the animosity of the Internet makes us more powerful than it seems and this could have a dramatic effect towards everyone. For example lets say that you are in a chat and someone mocks you for something that you didn't do, something dirty for instance. This person could be a thirteen year old or your best friend's mum and lets say for this example that it is your best friend's mum. Now this is a respected woman who everyone like and look up to but when she uses that chat room she behaves like a kid in school. This could damage you and cause depression, in extreme cases suicide. This is just an example of how animosity gives false power towards the user.

 

Another problem is the change of modern society, people are more lonely and less open. This could be cause by several factors most likely the rise of social websites, technology and the media which fuel our perceptions. For example even dark and suspicious music to a news piece about people that you never met does cloud perceptions about them because it suppose to do that. This cause us to be more suspicious about people, couple with all those news stories of theft, scams and murders people are more suspicious about strangers. So really some of the big contributers of this is social websites, technology and the media as these are all tools that our in our hands and we use them 24 hours a day. The solution however is difficult to find and justify but in my opinion it is common sense, treat strangers in the same way as you treat yourself or your family; with respect, but like I said the solution is difficult to find and justify, so it will take a while before we live in a nicer world.

[Balagor]

@Vagrant0 and @brokenergy

You speak about becoming restrictive, and being suspicious to others. With that in mind I feel it have become harder to show some courtesy, when needed. I feel (not always) somtimes when I want to be helpfull, carry a bag for example, people get suspicious, because I perhaps have the looks against me ( still having my good old hippie ponytail). But strange enough that only happens if I am in a crowd, where we are all anonymous.

When I am on a exhibition with my nursery, which I am often, or I have customers in the nursery, the situation is different. I do as always appear polite and gentle, and I feel absolutely no suspiciousness at all.

I can even take payment for an expensive plant, and deliever it later. Again back to what @Vagrant0 says, in this situation we are perhaps a big group, identifying ourselves with one another.

 

My 2 cents

[Harbringe]

One of the problems is that the animosity of the Internet makes us more powerful than it seems and this could have a dramatic effect towards everyone. For example lets say that you are in a chat and someone mocks you for something that you didn't do, something dirty for instance. This person could be a thirteen year old or your best friend's mum and lets say for this example that it is your best friend's mum. Now this is a respected woman who everyone like and look up to but when she uses that chat room she behaves like a kid in school. This could damage you and cause depression, in extreme cases suicide. This is just an example of how animosity gives false power towards the user.

 

Another problem is the change of modern society, people are more lonely and less open. This could be cause by several factors most likely the rise of social websites, technology and the media which fuel our perceptions. For example even dark and suspicious music to a news piece about people that you never met does cloud perceptions about them because it suppose to do that. This cause us to be more suspicious about people, couple with all those news stories of theft, scams and murders people are more suspicious about strangers. So really some of the big contributers of this is social websites, technology and the media as these are all tools that our in our hands and we use them 24 hours a day. The solution however is difficult to find and justify but in my opinion it is common sense, treat strangers in the same way as you treat yourself or your family; with respect, but like I said the solution is difficult to find and justify, so it will take a while before we live in a nicer world.

 

Animosity - Anger or a disliking towards

 

Anonymity - to be unknown

 

This is I believe what you meant and I have to say your bang on ,the internet because of its inherent anonymity has really brought into focus the level of ones courtesy or lack there of.We hear of the abuse it can engender through the news when they run a story on bullying and how the bullies utilized face book or twitter to torment some poor kid til he committed suicide .Really when it comes to courtesy its incumbent upon us as users of this medium to tolerate no less . Its one thing to disagree with someone's point of view ,but another to be abusive in disagreeing.

[brokenergy]

@Vagrant0 and @brokenergy

You speak about becoming restrictive, and being suspicious to others. With that in mind I feel it have become harder to show some courtesy, when needed. I feel (not always) sometimes when I want to be helpful, carry a bag for example, people get suspicious, because I perhaps have the looks against me ( still having my good old hippie ponytail). But strange enough that only happens if I am in a crowd, where we are all anonymous.

When I am on a exhibition with my nursery, which I am often, or I have customers in the nursery, the situation is different. I do as always appear polite and gentle, and I feel absolutely no suspiciousness at all.

I can even take payment for an expensive plant, and deliver it later. Again back to what @Vagrant0 says, in this situation we are perhaps a big group, identifying ourselves with one another.

 

My 2 cents

 

Restrictiveness has to deal with that also, people usually do get suspicious of others and that makes them less open. It is restrictiveness that causes this causes us to be less courteous of others. Many sociologist do state that technology and the media are some of the main contributors of people's behavior of loneliness and less restrictive. It doesn't necessary mean that it represents everyone under the sun. I could argue that today's parents are less disciplining their kids and this cause them to have lack of respect for everyone, including themselves but that is just one age group. Age differences mean different situations and different studies need to be conducted before any real generalizations could be made.

 

Oh before I forget @Harbringe I do know the difference but I didn't realized the spelling before I posted my response.

[Harbringe]

@Vagrant0 and @brokenergy

You speak about becoming restrictive, and being suspicious to others. With that in mind I feel it have become harder to show some courtesy, when needed. I feel (not always) sometimes when I want to be helpful, carry a bag for example, people get suspicious, because I perhaps have the looks against me ( still having my good old hippie ponytail). But strange enough that only happens if I am in a crowd, where we are all anonymous.

When I am on a exhibition with my nursery, which I am often, or I have customers in the nursery, the situation is different. I do as always appear polite and gentle, and I feel absolutely no suspiciousness at all.

I can even take payment for an expensive plant, and deliver it later. Again back to what @Vagrant0 says, in this situation we are perhaps a big group, identifying ourselves with one another.

 

My 2 cents

 

Restrictiveness has to deal with that also, people usually do get suspicious of others and that makes them less open. It is restrictiveness that causes this causes us to be less courteous of others. Many sociologist do state that technology and the media are some of the main contributors of people's behavior of loneliness and less restrictive. It doesn't necessary mean that it represents everyone under the sun. I could argue that today's parents are less disciplining their kids and this cause them to have lack of respect for everyone, including themselves but that is just one age group. Age differences mean different situations and different studies need to be conducted before any real generalizations could be made.

 

Oh before I forget @Harbringe I do know the difference but I didn't realized the spelling before I posted my response.

 

Figured it was something like that (actually I had to look up anonymity to make sure I wasn't spelling it wrong )

[Surenas]

The eye contact is completely missed on the Internet and thus the repertoire of facial expressions and gestures so important for a civilized interaction. Unfortunately, Skype is absolutely no substitute, for what you get there is often nothing but a virtual visit to the zoo, to say the least. In real life however, you smell it, you feel it in your bones if the virtual gunman is more than just an Internet swellhead. The weighing of the other one happens almost in real time. Though on the internet (self-)deception is evidently the point, and that easily nips any common courtesy in the bud so that one often gets the coconut for afters.

[Chaosblade02]

I am courteous to everyone, unless they prove to me they aren't worth being courteous to. Being courteous takes effort, its not something that comes natural to me. My natural response is to ignore a complete stranger.